Carrier Pigeons Used to Smuggle Cell Phones Into Prison

Prisoners desperate for cell phones have devised a new method to smuggle them into prison: carrier pigeons.

Consider it a modern-day Birdman of Alcatraz, with a twist. Someone had to train the pigeons. Carrier pigeons fly between two points, after all.

Inmates at the Danilio Pinheiro prison near the southeastern city of Sorocaba in Brazil have apparently been enterprising in terms of avian activities.

Two carrier pigeons, one each on successive days, were caught at the prison. Each was carrying a cell phone and a charger.

A spokesman for the state penitentiary system said:

"Penitentiary agents found the pigeons outside the Danilo Pinheiro prison but, fortunately, the birds did not have time to enter the prison building with the material."

Since the pigeons return to their "home," the birds were apparently bred and raised inside the prison, smuggled out, outfitted with the cell phone parts and then released to fly back.

In the past, smuggling of this nature would involve visitor accomplices or even guards; this is a new and somewhat clever scheme. Though flighty.

Arrested Man Patted Down Four Times, Still Has Gun

A man arrested on a drug charge was able to "survive" four pat-downs, and still keep his gun, showing an alarming security hole, and perhaps a lack of training.

Bennie Ellison, 39, was arrested March 18 and managed to keep the gun all the way until he reached the Cook County Jail where, realizing he would have to disrobe and change his clothes, he dumped it in a laundry room.

He was patted down four times:

• The arresting officers patted him down and missed it.
• He was patted down again at the 4th District police station (where he spent the night)
  
• He was patted down at Central Booking
• He was patted down at the courthouse

How did he avoid the metal detector at the courthouse?

It was a small, .380 semiautomatic handgun and Ellison used the drawstring of his shorts to tie the gun so it dangled between his legs. According to a police spokesman he slipped out of line and into a different line.

Ellison held onto the gun thinking he would be granted low bail and released.

Cook County sheriff’s spokesman Steve Patterson said:

“Clearly, there were officers at the jail not doing their job and we’re in the process of taking statements from each one of them about how this could have happened. We’re taking this seriously and plan to enact discipline up to and including termination, if necessary.”

Yeah, well, I hope so.

Bernie Madoff Earns a Trading Card Spot

Baseball cards yes, but scammer cards? That's apparently the idea behind trading card company Topps' latest set of cards, scheduled for release this summer, called the "World's Biggest hoaxes, Hoodwinks and Bamboozles."

To be honest, it's a subset of cards, and it will include:

• Bernie Madoff
• Charles Ponzi (who invented the scam Madoff used)
  
• The Runaway Bride
• Idaho (what?)
  
• The Turk
• Enron
• Anna Anderson
• Ferdinand Waldo Demara
• San Serriffe
• D.B. Cooper
• Spaghetti Trees
• Victor Lustig
• The War of the Worlds
• George Parker
• The Bathtub Hoax
• The Cottingley Fairies
• James Reavis
• The Piltdown Man
• The Cardiff Giant
• Cold Fusion

According to Fortune:

The Topps 2009 Allen & Ginter release will include cards of some 260 baseball players along with cards of historic figures and "world champions" from realms outside baseball. This year's product, though, will also nod to Madoff's financial chicanery as part of a group of cards featuring the "world's biggest hoaxes, hoodwinks and bamboozles." Among the other do-badders in the subset are Charles Ponzi, The Runaway Bride, and Enron.

"These cards feature 20 perpetrators of some of the most notorious pranks, dubious claims, and outright frauds of the last 2 centuries," boasts a Topps sell-sheet for the collection.

If you're looking to burn one of these, it'll take some luck: the odds of finding a Madoff is one in 12 packs.

Moats Feared for Wife's Life During "Death Bed Traffic Stop Incident"

More information has arisen about Officer Robert Powell (shown), who detained a family after they ran a red light while trying to rush to a hospital to be at a relative's death bed.

While NFL RB Ryan Moats' wife Tamishia and her great aunt made it to Tamishia's mother's bedside in time, Ryan Moats did not.

Monday morning on Good Morning, America (GMA), the Moats were interviewed about their experience, and Ryan Moats said he was afraid for his wife, when he saw Powell's gun pointing at her:

"I really didn't realize what was going on at the time. Once I got out I realized it was pretty serious. I was afraid for her because, you know, he was pointing the gun at her."

Powell has apologized in a written statement, but not personally, to the Moats. Tamishia Moats said:

"It would be comforting if we heard an apology directly from him. But we definitely would accept his apology because, you know, he's a human being."

Powell is still on administrative leave, with many around the country calling for his resignation or firing.

Meanwhile, another allegation against Officer Powell surfaced over the weekend, ironically relating to another NFL player's wife.

ESPN reported that Maritza Thomas, wife of former Dallas Cowboys linebacker Zach Thomas, was handcuffed and spent approximately three hours in jail after Powell pulled her over for an illegal U-turn in July 2008.

The hits just keep on coming.

Watch a video report from ESPN including GMA footage:


Watch the dash-cam video from the Moats incident. Part one:

Part two:

Thousands of Cane Toads Killed in "Toad Day Out"

At first glance, one might think that killing thousands of toads, and being gleeful about it, might be a bad thing. But in fact these are poisonous cane toads, which were introduced into Australia in 1935, and threaten many native species.

Townsville City Councilman Vern Veitch said:

"To see the look on the faces of the kids as we were handling and weighing the toads and then euthanizing them was just... the children really got into the character of the event."

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has supported the effort, as long as the toads are killed humanely.

The toads, which the rules stated must be captured alive and unharmed, were brought to collection points. Erroneously captured toads were released, but cane toads were were then killed, either by freezing or by being placed in plastic bags filled with carbon dioxide. Most of the remains are to be ground up into fertilizer for sugarcane farmers.

Toad Day Out organizer Lisa Ahrens said:

"It's just a circle of poetic justice! Seventy-five years later, they're a benefit to the cane farmer."

Jury Awards $8.6 Million to Man Paralyzed After Crashing Into Wild Pigs

A motorcyclist who was paralyzed when he struck six wild pigs on a California state highway in 2003 has been awarded $8.6 million by a Monterey County jury.

Adam Rogers, 45, sued the California state Department of Transportation, charging that officials knew that wild pigs regularly crossed a section of Highway 1 just south of the Carmel River to feed at a nearby environmental restoration project. Despite knowing that the pigs were creating a hazard, officials did nothing to address the issue, he asserted.

Rogers' attorney, Larry Biegel said:

"This was a situation that they, the state, created (referring to the restoration project), and then once they created it and saw what was happening they did nothing to stop it."

The state argued that Rogers was under the influence at the time of the incident, and that the pigs were no more of a hazard than any other wild animals on other highways.

In fact, Rogers' BAC was .10 after the crash, and the state of California has a drunk driving limit of .08. However, the jury found that Rogers' alcohol use was not a factor in the accident.

Rogers, a former champion kick boxer, will likely never walk again, and suffers from memory gaps as a result of the massive head injuries suffered when he was thrown from his motorcycle.

Capping CO2 Will Take Away Plant Food: Shimkus

During a House Subcommittee on Energy and Environment hearing earlier this week, Rep. John Shimkus (R-IL) was interviewing a global warming denier, Brit Lord Christopher Monckton about the effects of CO2 in the atmosphere.

The two of them discussed the fact that plants need CO2 as part of the process of photosynthesis. Of course, the discussion they had seemed to imply that by trying to cap CO2 emissions, we would harm plants. What they fail to understand is that what is currently proposed is not to eliminate CO2, but to stabilize its levels in the atmosphere.

It’s plant food. ... So if we decrease the use of carbon dioxide, are we not taking away plant food from the atmosphere? ... So all our good intentions could be for vain. In fact, we could be doing just the opposite of what the people who want to save the world are saying.

Actually, we should increase the use of CO2. If we used it up, we'd be in much better shape. What the obviously addled Shimkus meant is if we decrease the output of CO2, blah, blah.

This is an argument that's been used before. The reason it's been used before is it's very simplistic, and something that the pundits using it hope will fool the public.

In fact, sure, plants need CO2. But we are putting out far more CO2 than they can use. If we weren't, then CO2 levels wouldn't be rising, now would they? And even if we weren't, what the heck are we doing to all those tropical rain forests, which are a great big carbon sink, not to mention all the forests around the rest of the world?

Cutting them down will lead to an eventual imbalance, assuming you believe we currently have a balance. Which we don't. And if in fact we do stabilize the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere, if we cut down more forests ... well, you get my drift. But at any rate, watch the video:

Chow Down at Oakdale's Testicle Festival

It's an annual event, and usually draws about 450, er, hardy souls. It's the Oakdale Testicle Festival, where diners chow down on, well, testicles.

Proceeds benefit the Oakdale Cowboy Museum and Oakdale's Rotary Club. Tickets are $50, or $65 at the door. The event is Monday night, at 6PM, at the FES Hall, 190 N. Lee Ave., Oakdale, CA.

The event used to be called the Calf Fry when it was a fundraiser for the town's Rotary Club. But in 2003 the group joined forces with the Cowboy Museum and the name was changed to the more colorful Testicle Festival.

The Festival's slogan is "You'll have a ball!!!" Seriously. For more information, call (209) 847-5163.

Watch a video from a prior festival:

Three Mile Island, Thirty Years Later

On March 28th, 1979, beginning at 4 AM, the Three Mile Island nuclear facility in Pennsylvania suffered a partial core meltdown. The U.S. nuclear power industry has only recently begun to recover, based on concerns over global warming.

Ironically, the movie "The China Syndrome," which detailed a cover-up over a near accident at a nuclear power plant had recently opened. It couldn't have been worse timing (for the nuclear industry).

A China Syndrome event is a hypothetical event in which a reactor core melts down, and the molten reactor core breaches the barriers below them and flow downwards through the floor of the containment building, melting their way to China.

Specifically, Unit 2 (TMI‑2) experienced a failure in the secondary, non‑nuclear section of the plant. As the NRC's fact sheet on the incident describes:

The main feedwater pumps stopped running, caused by either a mechanical or electrical failure, which prevented the steam generators from removing heat. First the turbine, then the reactor automatically shut down. Immediately, the pressure in the primary system (the nuclear portion of the plant) began to increase. In order to prevent that pressure from becoming excessive, the pilot-operated relief valve (a valve located at the top of the pressurizer) opened. The valve should have closed when the pressure decreased by a certain amount, but it did not. Signals available to the operator failed to show that the valve was still open. As a result, cooling water poured out of the stuck-open valve and caused the core of the reactor to overheat.

As coolant flowed from the core through the pressurizer, the instruments available to reactor operators provided confusing information. There was no instrument that showed the level of coolant in the core. Instead, the operators judged the level of water in the core by the level in the pressurizer, and since it was high, they assumed that the core was properly covered with coolant. In addition, there was no clear signal that the pilot-operated relief valve was open. As a result, as alarms rang and warning lights flashed, the operators did not realize that the plant was experiencing a loss-of-coolant accident. They took a series of actions that made conditions worse by simply reducing the flow of coolant through the core.

Because adequate cooling was not available, the nuclear fuel overheated to the point at which the zirconium cladding (the long metal tubes which hold the nuclear fuel pellets) ruptured and the fuel pellets began to melt. It was later found that about one-half of the core melted during the early stages of the accident. Although the TMI-2 plant suffered a severe core meltdown, the most dangerous kind of nuclear power accident, it did not produce the worst-case consequences that reactor experts had long feared. In a worst-case accident, the melting of nuclear fuel would lead to a breach of the walls of the containment building and release massive quantities of radiation to the environment. But this did not occur as a result of the Three Mile Island accident.

Right, there were not massive quantities of radiation released. But there was some amount of radiation released.

Granted, this was no Chernobyl. But it did raise red flags about safety in the U.S. nuclear industry.

Now, with global warming an issue on many people's minds, the nuclear industry sees a change for a renaissance.

Twenty percent of America's electricity is generated by nuclear power. Contrast this with France, where over 70% is generated by nuclear energy.

Yet not all are happy with the development, global warming aside.

Dr. Edwin Lyman of the Union of Concerned Scientists, said

"The industry is engaged in an all-out public relations campaign. They're painting nuclear energy as clean-air energy by talking about the fact that it doesn't release pollutants into the atmosphere.

"But the issue really is the potential for a catastrophic accident or a terrorist attack. And this is what the industry does not want to address head on.

"My concern is that as Three Mile Island retreats into the distance, people forget and complacency sets in. That is the biggest danger and the biggest threat to nuclear safety."

ShamWow Guy Now Cleaning Up Spills in Jail

This could be the end of the ShamWow Guy's career. Also known as Vince Shlomi, he's the ad pitchman who you've probably seen on TV on those ShamWow ads. He was also arrested last month.

According to TSG, Vince Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge. Apparently, he wasn't satisfied with her performance.

On February 7th, according to the arrest affidavit, the ShamWow Guy met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub. They eventually returned to his room at the lavish Setai hotel where, according to Vince Shlomi, Harris "propositioned him."

Uh, huh. Well, Vince Shlomi paid her $1,000 for straight sex, but when he moved in for a kiss, she bit his tongue. Naturally, he then punched her several times until she released his tongue.

Makes sense, right?

While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, the D.A. decided not to file charges against either.

Man Gets Finger Stuck in Gas Tank Filler Pipe

Lesson learned: drop something in your gas filler pipe, leave it there.

Victor Harris, 25, of Saginaw, Michigan was pouring a fuel additive into his Lincoln Navigator tank when a paper lid from the additive fell into the gas tank. He tried fishing it out with his finger. Bad move.

His index finger became stuck.

That was at 5 AM.

"My hand started getting numb about 7 or 8. I started getting nervous."

Other customers of the 7-11 called the fire department, and after four hours, crews cut out a 4-foot section of the filler pipe.

Crews then took Harris to neighboring St. Mary's, where doctors pried his finger out of the pipe and gave him two stitches.

He hasn't fixed his Navigator yet. He said:

"It's probably going to cost me a little."

Oops! CNBC's Open Mike Picks Up "Bullsh*t" Remark During Obama Speech

The perils of live TV and an open mike. During President Barack Obama's virtual Town Hall on Thursday, CNBC appears to have inadvertently aired commentary from an unhappy attendee, or perhaps an unhappy anchor --- "bullsh*t."

Obama was delivering remarks about job training and infrastructure.

"But it's a matter of making the investment in infrastructure and also then training the workers to be able get those jobs and that's where we're going to be focused on, that's where the job growth is going to occur. One last point I want to make and I know I'm not supposed to talk this long."

A female voice cuts in and says, "bullsh*t."

CNBC cut to its anchors, one of which sounds a little amused (you can hear a slight chuckle).

Most likely something was going on in the studio and it was picked up on a mike. Hey, at least it wasn't Jim Cramer!

Watch the clip:

Economic Crisis Due to "White People with Blue Eyes": Lula da Silva

Speaking in Brasília at a joint press conference with U.K. prime minister Gordon Brown, Brazil's president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva blamed the global economic crisis on white people.

Specifically, he blamed the crisis on "white people with blue eyes." In reality, he probably wanted to point the blame of this crisis on wealthy Americans and Europeans (probably more toward Americans). Lula da Silva said:

“This crisis was caused by the irrational behaviour of white people with blue eyes, who before the crisis appeared to know everything and now demonstrate that they know nothing. I do not know any black or indigenous bankers so I can only say [it is wrong] that this part of mankind which is victimized more than any other should pay for the crisis."

I'm sure Gordon Brown blanched at that comment. His response:

“I’m not going to attribute blame to any individuals."

Lula da Silva also spoke against protectionism as a response to the global economic crisis.

“I compare protectionism to a drug. Why do people use drugs? Because they are in crisis and they think the drug will help them. But its effects pass quickly.”

There is a G-20 summit in London, scheduled for next week.

Family Unknowingly Lives Under "Spectre" of 60-Foot Phallus

A U.K. family was unknowingly the victim of a prank by one of its sons, who painted a giant 60-foot phallus on their new flat roof right after it was completed, hoping it would show up on Google Earth.

Rory McInnes had just finished watching a documentary on Google Earth, and got the idea to reproduce the "feature" of the Cerne Abbas Giant, an 80-foot figure of a naked man which is carved into the side of a chalk hill in Dorset in SW England. The Giant is believed to be an Iron Age fertility symbol.

So he went up to the roof and spent 30 minutes on the work, which apparently lay unnoticed until a helicopter pilot saw it and took photos.

When contacted by The Sun, father Andy McInnes reacted incredulously:

"It's an April Fool's joke, right? There's no way there?s a 60-foot phallus on top of my house."

Rory is spending a year traveling between finishing school and college, and when his father caught up with him, the 18-year-old reportedly said: "Oh, you?ve found it then!"

His parents were not amused.

Clare McInnes said:

"We don’t want any more children, so the idea of sleeping under a giant fertility symbol is rather worrying."

Andy McInnes added:

“We don’t want to lie in bed at night and hear couples at it above us. When Rory gets home he will be given a scrubbing brush and white spirit and he can go and scrub it off.”

Death Doesn't Wait as Police Officer Tickets Family Rushing to Their Dying Mother's Bedside

A few days ago I wrote about a deputy who wrote up an expired tag ticket while a man's mother lay dying in the back seat of his car. Here's another case of an overzealous, and perhaps power-mad, cop.

This is becoming an uncomfortable trend.

Officer Robert Powell (shown) has been placed on paid administrative leave in connection with an incident last week. He stopped Houston Texans RB Ryan Moats for running a red light near Baylor Regional Medical Center at Plano. Here's the thing: Moats and his wife were rushing to the hospital in an attempt to get there before his mother-in-law, Jonetta Collinsworth, 45, died of breast cancer that had spread throughout her body.

According to the report, and made very clear by dash-cam footage, Powell berated the Moats, threatened him with arrest, and even pulled his gun.

In fact, Officer Powell told Ryan Moats:

"I can screw you over. I’d rather not do that."

Well, by delaying them for 13 minutes, he effectively did screw them over, as they did not make it to the bedside in time.

Dallas Police chief David Kunkle said:

"His behavior in my opinion, did not exhibit the common sense, discretion, the compassion that we expect our officers to exhibit.

"When we in the command staff reviewed the tapes. we were embarrassed, disappointed --- it’s hard to find the right words and still be professional in my role as a police chief."

At the same time, it's interesting that Ryan Moats didn't exhibit entitlement over his NFL status and use that as a bargaining chip. Kunkle added:

The chief also praised Moats and his family for how they handled the officer’s behavior.

"They exercised extraordinary patience, restraint, dealing with the behavior of our officer. At no time did Mr. Moats identify himself as an NFL football player or expect any kind of special consideration. He handled himself very, very well."

Here's what happened, as per the dash-cam video, embedded below. Excerpted from the Dallas Morning News (commentary added by myself):

Tamishia, 27, was the first out. Powell drew his gun and yelled at her to get back in.

“Get in there!” he yelled. “Let me see your hands!”

“My mom is dying,” she explained to him.

Powell was undeterred.

“I saw in his eyes that he really did not care,” Tamishia Moats said. “Honestly, I don’t think I cared that he had a gun pointed at me. My train of thought is that I’m going to see my mom in the hospital before she dies.”

Tamishia Moats and her great-aunt ignored the officer and headed into the hospital.

“It was almost like a movie,” she said, “It felt like we had robbed a bank or something.”

Ryan Moats, who stayed behind with the father of the dying woman, said Powell also pointed his gun at him. He said he put his hands on the car because he was afraid that he might get shot.

“I put my hands on the car so he couldn’t say I reached for something,” Ryan said. “He didn’t ask me to put my hands on the car. I just did it to try to protect myself. I was pleading with him.”

He tried to explain the situation to the officer.

“I waited until no traffic was coming,” Moats told Powell, explaining his passage through the red light. “I got seconds before she’s gone, man.”

Powell demanded his license and proof of insurance. Moats produced his license but said he didn’t know where the insurance paperwork was.

“Just give me a ticket or whatever,” he said, beginning to sound exasperated and a little argumentative.

“Shut your mouth,” Powell told him. “You can cooperate and settle down, or I can just take you to jail for running a red light.”

There was more back and forth.

“If you’re going to give me a ticket, give me a ticket.”

“Your attitude says that you need one.”

“All I’m asking you is just to hurry up.”

Powell began a lecture. (nice, he lectures while a man's mother-in-law dies)

“If you want to keep this going, I’ll just put you in handcuffs,” the officer said, “and I’ll take you to jail for running a red light.”

Powell made several more points, including that the SUV was illegally parked. Moats replied “Yes sir” to each.

“Understand what I can do,” Powell concluded. “I can tow your truck. I can charge you with fleeing. I can make your night very difficult.”

“I understand,” Moats responded. “I hope you’ll be a great person and not do that.”

Hospital security guards arrived and told Powell that the Moatses’ relative really was upstairs dying.

Powell spent several minutes inside his squad car, in part to check Moats for outstanding warrants. He found none.

Another hospital staffer came out and spoke with a Plano police officer who had arrived.

“Hey, that’s the nurse,” the Plano officer told Powell. “She said that the mom’s dying right now, and she’s wanting to know if they can get him up there before she dies.” (this other officer apparently understood what Powell did not)

“All right,” Powell replied. “I’m almost done.”

As Moats signed the ticket, Powell continued his lecture.

“Attitude’s everything,” he said. “All you had to do is stop, tell me what was going on. More than likely, I would have let you go.”

Whoa. Speaking of attitude. It seems Officer Powell needs an attitude adjustment. It has been suggested that the stop and Powell's actions may have been a result of racism (the Moatses are black and Powell is white).

Ryan Moats said:

“I think he should lose his job.”

Assistant Chief Floyd Simpson said:

“When people are in distress, we should come to the rescue. We shouldn’t further their distress.”

Watch the dash-cam video. Part one:

Part two:

Sex with a Vacuum = 90-Day Prison Sentence

Just to be clear, Jason Leroy Savage, 29, was sentenced for public sex with a car wash vacuum. What you do with your own home appliances is still up to you.

Michigan resident Savage was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court. He must also undergo drug testing. Last month he pleaded no contest to indecent exposure.

Savage was caught with his pants down (literally) last October when someone reported "suspicious" behavior at a Thomas Township car wash.

Not only that, the story was picked up by both Jay Leno and David Letterman, which caused Saginaw County Circuit Judge Fred L. Borchard to say that Savage had humiliated the community. Borchard said:

"I believe you owe the community an apology for what you've done."

Meanwhile, Savage said:

"It's been horrible. I've been keeping my nose clean and staying out of trouble."

Problem is, it wasn't really his nose that was the issue.

Stink-Free Underwear Tried Out on ISS

Stinky underwear. Where could the worst possible place for something like that be? Someplace enclosed, where you can't just open a door to air things out. Someplace like the --- International Space Station. And thus, Koichi Wakata, the first Japanese astronaut to live on the International Space Station, is testing J-ware.

The clothes were created by textile experts at Japan Women's University in Tokyo. Much as you might think you are good at packing light, astronauts have to be better: anything carried into orbit is expensive and reduces additional payload. Since the ISS has no laundry, having clothes that stay fresh for weeks at a time could result in significant savings.

J-ware is designed to kill germs, absorb water, insulate the body and dry quickly. They were developed by researcher Yoshiko Taya.

If things work out, Japan will offer the clothes to NASA. They are even planning a commercial clothing line.

Koji Yanagawa, an official with the Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency said:

"He can wear his trunks (underwear) more than a week."

At the same time, Astronaut Wakata thinks the underwear is working well.

"Nobody has complained, so I think it's so far, so good."

Spider-Man Saves Boy (Really!)

A Bangkok fireman rescued an autistic eight-year-old boy who had climbed on to a third-floor window ledge by dressing up as his favorite comic book super-hero, Spider-Man.

The unnamed boy had begun crying and climbed out a third-story classroom window. It was his first day at a special needs school.

Teachers were unable to coax the boy back in, but his mother remarked about his love for comic book super-heroes, and fireman Somchai Yoosabai rushed back to his fire station, where he kept a Spider-Man costume in his locker.

Before you ask, he uses the costume to "liven up" fire drills.

Somchai told local television:

"I told him Spider-Man is here to rescue you, no monsters are going to attack you and I told him to walk slowly towards me as running could be dangerous."

Upon spying the Amazing Spider-Man, the boy smiled and leaped (more or less) into the super-hero's arms. With great power comes great responsibility, or in this case, with a lucky break comes a life saved.

"Boob" Uses ID Theft to Get Breast Implants

I suppose that Yvonne Pampellone figured once they're in, they're in for good. She wanted breast implants so badly she decided ID theft was the best idea.

Pampellone started a line of credit in someone else's name last September. She then had the breast implant procedures performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery. The procedures cost more than $12,000.

The SoCal woman faces charges of commercial burglary, grand theft and ID theft. Her defense attorney Paul Wallin said the facts will eventually show his client is not guilty.

One thing for sure: the evidence certain shows she had some implants done. Of course, some might say we are blowing this issue way out of proportion.

Hedge Fund Managers Still Raking in Cash: Alpha Magazine's Annual Ranking

Recession? Fogetaboutit! Don't talk of recession to hedge fund managers. Despite the economic downturn, there are plenty of millionaires, and billionaires, on the latest ranking of the top 25, according to Alpha Magazine.

While in the past, many may not have cared so much about how much hedge fund managers make, in the wake of the recession more are interested in how these mavens, many of whom may be blamed for our current situation, are doing, cash-wise. Quite well, says the Alpha Magazine report.

In fact, according to Alpha Magazine, the world's 25 top-earning hedge fund managers raked in a staggering $11.6 billion last year, according to the annual ranking released Wednesday.

Worse, or better, depending on how you look at it, the press release indicates that 2008 is the third-best year on record since Alpha Magazine began compiling its numbers.

A dozen managers appear on the Alpha Magazine ranking for the very first time, with a record nine European managers.

According to Alpha Magazine, it calculates hedge fund manager earnings using the managers' shares of their firm’s performance and management fees, as well as gains on their own capital.

Here is the list of Alpha Magazine's top 25 moneymakers for 2008, although only the top 10 currently have income figures attached to their names. Alpha Magazine plans to release information for the remaining managers on Thursday.

1. James Simons Renaissance Technologies Corp. - $2.5 billion
2. John Paulson Paulson & Co. - $2 billion
3. John Arnold Centaurus Energy - $1.5 billion
4. George Soros Soros Fund Management - $1.1 billion
5. Raymond Dalio Bridgewater Associates - $780 million
6. Bruce Kovner Caxton Associates - $640 million
7. David Shaw D.E. Shaw & Co. - $275 million
8. Stanley Druckenmiller Duquesne Capital Management - $260 million
9. (tie) David Harding Winton Capital Management - $250 million
9. (tie) Alan Howard Brevan Howard Asset Management - $250 million
9. (tie) John Taylor Jr. FX Concepts - $250 million

12. James Chanos Kynikos Associates
13. Michael Platt BlueCrest Capital Management
14. Roy Niederhoffer R.G. Niederhoffer Capital Management
15. John Horseman Horseman Capital Management
16. Paul Touradji Touradji Capital Management
17. Henry Laufer Renaissance Technologies Corp.
18. Kenneth Tropin Graham Capital Management
19. Pierre Andurand BlueGold Capital Management
19. (tie) Dennis Crema BlueGold Capital Management
19. (tie) Christopher Rokos Brevan Howard Asset Management
22. (tie) Christian Baha Superfund
22. (tie) Christian Levett Clive Capital
24. William Dunn Dunn Capital Management
25. Andrew Hoine Paulson & Co.

Hedge funds are private investment funds that are targeted mainly at wealthy individuals and institutions. Unlike mutual funds, which can only bet on stocks going "up" and dividends, they use a variety of investment methods, ranging from short selling to currencies and mergers to traditional stock picks.

Polly Want a Lifesaver Award?

In Denver, Willie has won an award for saving a little girl choking on her breakfast, by warning a baby sitter. Willie, however, is a Quaker parrot.

Willie's owner, Megan Howard, was baby-sitting for a toddler Hannah. Howard left the room and the little girl started to choke on her breakfast.

Willie repeatedly yelled "Mama, baby," flapping his wings, and Howard, hearing the ruckus, returned in time to give the girl the Heimlich maneuver, saving her life.

Hannah's mother, Samantha Kuusk, said:

"The part where she turned blue is always when my heart drops no matter how many times I've heard it. My heart drops in my stomach and I get all teary eyed."

It's a great story, but let's be honest: in America, the litigious country that we are, if Howard hadn't been warned by Willie, she probably would be facing a lawsuit right now. So Willie saved his owner a ton of money, and kept a lawyer from making a ton as well.

Willie, a Quaker parrot, was given the local Red Cross chapter's Animal Lifesaver Award last Friday.

Deputy Accused of Writing Ticket While Man's Mother Dies in Car

A Tennessee man who was rushing his 83 year-old mother to a hospital says a sheriff's deputy stopped him for an expired tag and wrote up the ticket while the man's mother died in the back seat.

Wayne Ables said he was stopped on March 12, 2009. Ables said his mother Vernice Ables suffered from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and stopped breathing during the traffic stop.

He asked the unidentified deputy to follow him to Saint Francis Hospital-Bartlett, less than a mile away, and write the ticket there. The deputy refused, instead calling an ambulance while at the same time checking Ables' license and insurance.

The incident is under investigation, according to reports.

Watch a video report on the incident:

Blagojevich to Host Chicago Radio Show on Wednesday

You might recall Rod Blagojevich's media frenzy just prior to his impeachment, when he hit the talk show circuit to plead his case. Well, on Wednesday he is hitting just one radio talk show, hosting the "Don Wade & Roma Morning Show" on Chicago's WLS-AM for two hours, 7 AM to 9 AM CDT.

Blagojevich has been a guest on the radio show previously, and will take calls from listeners, tell stories and talk with guests. Interestingly, WLS-AM had offered him a weekend show in January if he resigned. He didn't, and he didn't get the show.

The Don Wade and Roma Show is billed by the station as "the most positive, optimistic radio show in the universe ..." In case you want to call in and talk to Rod Blagojevich, the call-in number is (312) 591-8900.

For those outside the area, you can listen online to Rod Blagojevich's radio stint via the link in the first paragraph. Sorry, it doesn't appear they have an (800) number, however.

Most people might lay low. But Blagojevich's publicist, Glenn Selig said he didn't think the radio show hosting gig would hurt his employer:

"He's going to be the interviewer in this capacity and have a good time on the radio. This is an opportunity for him to get into some dialogues with people, have a good time, have fun and sort of be out there."

He's definitely "out there."

Komodo Dragons Maul Fruit-picker to Death

Yes, this sounds like something out of a movie (and to be honest, there have been horror movies made about this sort of thing, one even starring Jill Hennessy of Law & Order and Crossing Jordan). But it's reality. A fruit picker in Indonesia was mauled to death when he fell from a tree into the waiting jaws of two Komodo dragons lying below.

The Komodo dragon is a species of the monitor lizard family that inhabits the islands of Komodo, Rinca, Flores, and Gili Motang in Indonesia. It is the largest living species of lizard, growing to an average length of 2 to 3 metres (6.6 to 9.8 ft) and weighing around 70 kilograms (150 lb).

31-year-old Muhamad Anwar was attacked on Komodo, one of the islands listed above. He was, in fact, trespassing, in search of fruit. Bleeding badly from bites to his hands, body, legs and neck, he died at a clinic on the neighboring island of Flores soon after.

According to reports, the first attack in 30 years occurred in 2007. Since then attacks have become more common.

Another risk from a Komodo dragon attack is the fact that its saliva contains a host of bacteria, as many as 50 different strains, so infection is a risk.

Watch a video on Komodo dragons from National Geographic below:

Space Station Colbert? Or At Least a Module? Stephen Colbert Wins Online Naming Contest

The wild popularity of Stephen Colbert, and the fact that he can pretty much get his minions to vote online for just about anyrhing, should tell people: if he wants it, he's going to get it. First a bridge in Hungary, and now a module in the International Space Station, as Stephen Colbert won an online contest to name the new Node 3 space module after him.

However, NASA doesn't necessarily have to name the module after Colbert. According to NASA, they reserve the right to choose another name, although they will give proper due to the voting results.

The second place vote-getter was Serenity, trailing by 40,000 votes.

Watch Colbert try to nail down William Gerstenmaier to commit to naming the space module "Colbert," if he wins the online vote.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Space Module: Colbert - William Gerstenmaier
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Israeli Soldiers Wearing Shirts Joking About Killing Arabs

The Israeli Defense Force (IDF) has come under fire as revelations rose on Monday that IDF soldiers have been wearing t-shirt with slogans and images such as a pregnant woman with a bullseye on her and the slogan "1 Shot, 2 Kills."

Other such slogans, which I would hope most, if not all, would find offensive, include:

• A child in a rifle sight: "The smaller they are, the harder it is"
• A picture of a dead Palestinian baby with his mother weeping beside him: "Better use Durex"
• A drawing of a soldier next to a young woman with bruises: "Bet you got raped!"

Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhoum said it:

"reflects the brutal mentality among the Zionist soldiers and the Zionist society."

Meanwhile, the IDF released a statement:

"This type of humor is unacceptable. Commanders are instructed to use disciplinary tools against those who produce T-shirts of this type."

Here's a video report:

Build-It-Yourself Ikea Car or April Fool's Day Joke?

Look, the stuff at Ikea is great, but I hate assembling anything. It's bad enough when I have to assemble furniture, and find some of the parts dented, or missing (I've had both). So I have to admit that I hope this is #2 of the above (an April Fool's Day Joke) rather than an actual product.

Though I could be wrong.

My French leaves a lot to be desired, but the tagline "la voiture selon ikea" emblazoned on the side of that hidden "thing" in the picture translates to "the car by Ikea."

Also, "Decouvrez LEKO le 31 mars dans le cadre de la semaine du developpment durable" means "Discover LEKO March 31 as part of the week for Sustainable Development."

Does that mean it's made mostly of particle board? It'll save a lot of weight.

Anyway, the countdown timer on the site leads one to believe it'll be unveiled on March 31st or April 1st (I'm not doing the time math). We'll see what we get.

How to Blow a Job Offer in 140 Characters or Less

Only a few weeks after a teenager lost a job because of a Facebook update saying her job was boring, a person with "foot in the mouth" disease may have tweeted his way out of a job offer. His update on Twitter:

Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.

A fat paycheck, but work he hates and a rotten commute, eh? He may not get a chance to decide if he wants the offer, as Tim Levad at Cisco tweeted back:

Who is the hiring manager. I’m sure they would love to know that you will hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web.

Oops. It just goes to show you that you need to be careful what you publicly broadcast on Twitter or Facebook (or MySpace, or ...).

theconnor has since protected his status updates, but it's waaaaaay too late. Someone even spent the time and effort to create a site mocking him, CiscoFatty.com.

However, theconnor has put up a blog of his own, at which the first post addresses this whole issue. His post sounds like he may have turned down the Cisco job (his first paragraph says he turned down some job) before even sending that tweet, and that the tweet was meant for his followers, no one else.

Of course, that doesn't excuse the flippancy, but as he says:

Should Tim Levad have backed off? Not necessarily; it was crass of me to say what I did and I take full responsibility for the stupidity of my action. Instead of blaming him, let me use him to illustrate what I have learned: Tim Levad and @timmylevad are two different people. @timmylevad is defined entirely by the number of people listening to it. But whatever @timmylevad says is backed up by the subtle persuasive knowledge that somewhere back there, Tim Levad the person is pulling the strings.

Twitter isn't something I use (except for this site). Facebook on the other hand, I do. Which leads to other questions. A bigwig at a new company I work for sends me an invite. I really don't want him watching my updates. But if I don't accept I may upset him. So I accepted and limited his access to my status updates.

It's something to worry about in these days of the Web. Watch what you post, or you may be unemployed, or worse.

Too Busy to Pray? Let This Website Pray for You

Here's a new idea. Too busy to pray for yourself? A website "Information Age Prayer," is set to relieve from that "onerous" task.

Information Age Prayer is a subscription service utilizing a computer with text-to-speech capability to incant your prayers each day. It gives you the satisfaction of knowing that your prayers will always be said even if you wake up late, or forget.

We use state of the art text to speech synthesizers to voice each prayer at a volume and speed equivalent to typical person praying. Each prayer is voiced individually, with the name of the subscriber displayed on screen.

Information Age Prayer is careful to point out this service should be used as a supplemental prayer, not to replace your own prayers (particularly with respect to the Muslim Salat.

Fees depend on religion and type of prayer. For example, for Catholics, The Lords Prayer (Daily) is $3.95 a month. A Hail Mary is $0.07 each.

Muslim prayers are voiced in English, with the computer speakers facing Mecca.

I am not making this up.

An interesting question asked in their FAQ:

Are prayers blasphemous when voiced by a computer?

We recommend you contact your local clergy for a personal answer, however we think that Information Age Prayer is a new and exciting way to connect with God.

As far as site revenue goes, the site states that it transfers 10% of revenues to charity. But it fails to specify which ones, just that they are 501(c)(3) charities.

Tragic Oakland PD Deaths Cheered, Called "Payback for Oscar Grant"

Four Oakland police officers have been slain, and the perpetrator killed, in what has been called the worst day in the history of the Oakland, California Police Department. Despite the fact that these men had families and put their lives on the line every day, it has been reported that onlookers cheered the incident. Why, and why has mainstream media not picked up on this?

So far I have managed to find it as a paragraph in the PS-N (above), and mentioned in comments at the Bay Area's SF Chronicle website by witnesses of the incident. Nothing bigger than that.

The reason for the cheering: Oscar Grant. While an incident involving BART police, it occurred in an Oakland BART station. Oscar Grant, 22, was fatally shot on New Year's Day by a BART police officer, Johannes Mehserle. He has pleaded not guilty to a murder charge. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for Monday.

It is believed his defense will rest on him believing he was going for his Taser. It should be noted that BART police received their tasers only a few weeks before the incident, and that incidents of taser / gun mix-ups have happened before.

Even the Christian Science Monitor notes a look of surprise on Mehserle's face after the shooting of Oscar Grant.

Whether you believe that or not, the fact of the matter is, the two incidents are unrelated. Yet, a crowd of 20 onlookers cheered at the scene of the first shootings (there were two separate crime scenes). They shouted "Payback for Oscar (Grant)."

I have also found comments on news stories on the web, similarly cheering. At the PS-N, one said:

This is the best news I've heard in a long time. That's what the PIGS get. Rest In Peace Oscar Grant and all other victims of Police Terrorism

Is this what we humans have become? These officers had nothing to do with Oscar Grant. And the first set of officers, John Hege, 41, and Sgt. Mark Dunakin, 40 pulled over Lovelle Mixon for a traffic stop on Saturday, at which time he shot them.

These are innocents in the Oscar Grant case. May Hege, Dunakin, Sgt. Ervin Romans, 43, and Sgt. Daniel Sakai, 35, rest in peace.

Close Shave: Brazilan Waxes Will Not Be Banned in NJ After All

It was a close shave, but New Jersey, after due consideration, has decided not to ban Brazilian bikini waxes.

The ban was being considered by the state's Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling because two women had been hospitalized in the last year for infections following a Brazilian bikini wax. Let's not forget the lawsuit by one of the two women, as well.

For those who don't know, a Brazilian wax could be thought of as using the same technique as a bikini wax, but removing everything, or sometimes just a thin strip of hair. You can imagine the pain, but people still pay $50 to $60 for the treatment (both men and women).

State Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman said in a letter to Board of Cosmetology and HairstylingPresident Ronald Jerome Brown:

"Many commentators have noted that the procedure could be safely performed. I, therefore, believe that there are alternative means to address any public health issues identified by the board."

Szuchman added that the board needed to review training and establish protocols and safeguards to provide the service.

"In the meantime, while this review is ongoing, enforcement of this prohibition should not be pursued."

Salon owners had said that customers would simply cross state lines to get a Brazilian bikini wax out-of-state.

I suppose one could say New Jersey rethought what could have been a really bad pubic relations issue, and by doing so kept things from getting really hairy.

Teenager Hospitalized After Branding

Well, this just emphasizes the fact that teenagers, despite what they may tell you, don't know much about the world and about what might be a good or bad idea. A Ukiah teenager has been hospitalized after being branded. The kicker: he asked his friends to do it to him.

According to Mendocino County Sheriff's Capt. Kurt Smallcomb, the unnamed 17-year-old, a senior at Ukiah High School, had asked his friends to burn a metal star into his chest, feeling that it would show pride at being from Northern California.

Look, tattoos are bad enough, as they are hard to remove, but a brand? That would be there forever. I can only guess the branding iron idea was cheaper (free) as opposed to a tattoo.

On Wednesday, students gathered in the parking lot of a shopping center during their lunch break, heated the branding iron with a butane torch and pressed it into the teen's chest.

Unfortunately, they apparently went a little too deep, and immediately (?) recognized the issue, and took the boy to the hospital. Authorities say the students who branded the boy may face prosecution.

I'm not sure why. For being as stupid as the kid?

"Hakani" Infanticide Video Decried as "Fake"

A video, "Hakani," which depicts scenes of Indians in an isolated Amazon forest village digging graves and burying children alive has been labeled as "fake" by London-based Survival International, a group which fights for tribal rights said Thursday.

The video was made with the help of U.S. missionaries. It has been watched more than 350,000 times on YouTube. The video has its own site, Hakaki.org, which states:

This is the story of Hakani – whose name means "smile" – one of hundreds of children who are targeted for death each year amongst Brazil's 200 plus indigenous tribes. Physical or mental handicaps, being born a twin or triplet or being born out of wedlock – all are considered valid reasons for taking a child's life.

A growing number of indigenous people are rising up to fight this practice. But when they seek help from the government, they are told that their children are not protected by Brazilian or international law, and that preserving culture is more important than saving individual lives.

In a statement, Survival called the video "fundamentalist," and argued the film is faked, that the earth covering the children’s faces is ‘actually chocolate cake’, and that the film’s claim that infanticide among Brazilian Indians is widespread is false. Survival’s director, Stephen Corry said:

"People are being taught to hate Indians, even wish them dead. Look at the comments on the Youtube site, things like, ‘So get rid of these native tribes. They suck’, and, ‘Those amazon mother f***ers burrying (sic) little kids, kill them all.’

"The film focuses on what they claim happens routinely in Indian communities, but it doesn’t. Amazonian infanticide is rare. When it does happen ... it is the mother’s decision and isn’t taken lightly. It’s made privately and secretly and is often thought shameful, certainly tragic."

In fact, the film is acknowledged by its creators, Youth with a Mission as fictional, a docudrama, aimed at drawing attention to what he said was a serious problem. Yet the YouTube posting doesn't mention that the film is fictional.

Meanwhile, Surival Internation says the film is part of the missionaries' campaign to pressure Brazil to pass a controversial bill, known as "Muwaji's law," which citizens to report anything they feel is "harmful traditional practice" to the authorities.

Watch the "Hakani" video. Warning: indigenous nudity and disturbing imagery.

Airliner Brushes Tail Against Runway on Takeoff; Remind Me to Fly Shorter Planes

An Emirates Airbus A340 carrying more than 225 people slammed its tail into the runway as it took off from an Australia airport, forcing the pilot to make an emergency landing, officials said Saturday. Interestingly, it seems that length of airplane makes incidents like this more likely.

The impact of the tail sent smoke into the cabin. Passengers were unhurt, but frightened by the impact, which occurred when the flight took off from the southern city of Melbourne at about 10:30 PM Friday, bound for Dubai.

The aircraft returned to the airport and landed safely after flying over the ocean and dumping fuel.

Passenger Catherine Edmunds said:

"We did land successfully, thankfully, and the plane was surrounded by paramedics and fire engines. It was terrifying. I'd hate to go through it again."

Thinking about the way a plane takes off, it is obvious that if it lifted its nose too steeply, such a brush against the runway is possible. One might think there could be only one explanation, however: pilot error.

But according to the Australian Transport Safety Bureau, several factors can come into account, including the above angle of takeoff, such as weather conditions and loading issues. The ATSB also made it sound like it wasn't that unusual.

"It is a hazard, particularly on the longer aircraft."

Remind me to choose shorter aircraft.

CNBC: Wall Street Companies Can't "Be Run Well" by Those Making Under $250K

As some have noted, CNBC has been a near-cheerleader of Wall Street these past few years, only changing its tune when the s*** hits the fan. In an interview Friday morning with Sen. Charles Rangel (D-NY), Mark Haines made a comment that most of us would find objectionable.

HAINES: Let’s get back to what I regard at any rate as the fundamental issue here. I know it’s politically unpopular, politically incorrect. I know it goes against all of the populist indignation that’s out there right now. But you can’t really, it seems to me, expect that these Wall Street companies are going to be run well by a bunch of people who don’t make more than $250,000.

In point of fact they were discussing the bill that will attempt to slap a tax of 90% on bonuses paid to those making over $250K if their companies have received $5 billion or more in bailout funds.

Those people making over $250K aren't necessarily running the company, and let's be honest, the people currently in charge of Wall Street firms, and even some who are no longer in charge of Wall Street firms are the ones who got us into this mess.

So if people making above $250K can't do it, and people making below $250K can't either, that means no one can. Except perhaps Mark Haines.

Watch the video:

When $53,000 a Week Just Isn't Enough

$53,000 is more than the median amount a U.S. worker takes home for an entire year according to 2007 U.S. Census Bureau statistics, yet a 36-year-old Swedish countess divorcing a former CEO says her weekly living expenses exceed that amount.

The couple married in 2002, and now both say the other had an extramarital affair, causing the split. Marie Douglas-David is a former investment banker (and, in this recession, we know an investment banker isn't going to find work). She says she has no income and to up the ante in terms of their divorce settlement so she can maintain her $53,800 a week lifestyle.

George David stepped down last year as chief executive at Hartford-based United Technologies Corp. but is still chairman of the board and has an estimated net worth of $329 million.

The marriage was already in trouble by 2004, but somehow they managed to get a post- (not pre) nuptial agreement signed in October 2005 that would give Douglas-David $43 million if they divorce.

Douglas-David wants that agreement invalidated. She has filed court papers showing she has more than $53,800 in weekly expenses, which include:

• a Park Avenue apartment and three residences in Sweden
• $700 for limousine service
• $4,500 for clothes
• $1,000 for hair and skin treatments
• $1,500 for restaurants and entertainment
• $8,000 for travel (weekly!)

We can see why George David had an affair. If it takes $1,000 to keep her presentable now, think about when she hits 50! On the other hand, poor Douglas-David could use up that cash in 16 years at this rate! Woe!

Douglas-David accuses her husband of coercion, that he forced her to sign the post-nup by preying upon her fears. She wants $100 million in cash and stock, plus $130,000 a month in alimony.

Realistically, I have no sympathy for either of these people.

New Jersey Weighs "Brazilian Wax" Ban

For those who don't know, a Brazilian wax could be thought of as using the same technique as a bikini wax, but removing everything, or sometimes just a thin strip of hair. You can imagine the pain, but how about the lawsuits?

New Jersey is considering a ban on Brazilian waxes after two women were hospitalized for infections. One of the women has filed a lawsuit. Officials say genital waxing has always been illegal in NJ, just not enforced.

Harriet Phillips of Willingboro, NJ said:

"Just because two people complained the whole state has to suffer?"

Wait, from what I heard it's those who get the Brazilian wax that really suffer.

The New Jersey state Board of Cosmetology meets next on April 14 and will decide whether to move forward with banning Brazilian waxes, thus called because they were popularized in Brazil for thong bikini wear.

A spa owner commented that she felt many customers would travel across state lines to get a Brazilian wax and some might even try to wax themselves.

Finally, Federal Raids on Medical Marijuana Dispensaries to Halt

While 13 states have passed laws allowing medical marijuana use, federal law still prohibits it. During the Bush administration raids were made and people arrested, even if they were in compliance with state law. On Wednesday, Attorney General Eric Holder said such raids would stop, as long as those involved were in compliance with state law.

In other words, in this case, federal law will no longer trump state law.

Few specifics were stated, but he added that the Justice Department’s enforcement policy would still prosecute those who masquerade as medical dispensaries and "use medical marijuana laws as a shield."

In 1996, California passed Proposition 215, which allows any person with a doctor's recommendation can grow, use and transport medical marijuana.

I have long said that unless someone in the Supreme Court, Congress, or Executive Branch's family became sick to the point that they needed medical marijuana to live without excruciating pain or constant nausea, nothing would change. It is good to see I was wrong.

At least, for now.

However, there are about two dozen California medical marijuana cases pending in federal court, and it is unclear what will happen to those cases now. The right thing would be to dismiss them. We will see what happens.

Dana Perino Defends AIG Execs as "Middle-Class Workers"

This is very strange, but what can you expect from someone who didn't even know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was? While most are heavily criticizing the AIG bonuses on both sides of the aisle, Dana Perino spent some time defending the payouts.

I'm going to cut to the chase and assume you all know about the AIG bonus situation, which you would unless you were under a rock during the last few days.

On C-Span’s Washington Journal on Sunday, Perino defended the bonuses, saying:

PERINO: And the people who are working there that are middle-class people, are expecting to get this bonus. If they do not get it, maybe they won’t be motivated enough to try to help the company turn around and getting the company to turn around and be more profitable is important for all of us.

Middle-class? She and John McCain must be discussing what middle-class is. After all, according to NY State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, 73 of the AIG execs will get $1 million or more.

A middle-class worker does not get that kind of bonus. Watch the video:

Madoff's Auditor, David Friehling, Turns Himself In

Although Bernie Madoff has asserted that he, and he alone, was responsible for the Ponzi scheme for which he faces up to 150 years in prison, "another one bites the dust." David Friehling, his auditor from 1991 - 2008, has been charged with aiding and abetting Madoff's $50 billion pyramid investment scheme.

David Friehling, of the firm Friehling & Horowitz, faces six counts of securities fraud, aiding and abetting investment-adviser fraud, and filing false audit reports with the Securities and Exchange Commission. He turned himself in Wednesday morning.

One has to wonder how an auditor would miss what was going on, after all.

If convicted, David Friehling, 49, could face a sentence of up to 105 years. Acting U.S. Attorney Lev Dassin, in a prepared statement, said:

"Mr. Friehling is charged with crimes that represent a serious breach of the investing public's trust. Although Mr. Friehling is not charged with knowledge of the Madoff Ponzi scheme, he is charged with deceiving investors by falsely certifying that he audited the financial statements of Mr. Madoff's business. Mr. Friehling's deception helped foster the illusion that Mr. Madoff legitimately invested his clients' money."

Prosecutors said he made between $12,000 and $14,500 a month from 2004 to '07, which, upon doing the math, would amount to $144,000 to $174,000 a year.

David Friehling is the first person, beyond Bernie Madoff, to be charged in the Ponzi scheme case which took down the famous and wealthy, as well as the common man.

Friehling previously partnered at his firm with Jeremy Horowitz, his father-in-law, who died of cancer at the age of 80 last Thursday, ironically the same day that Madoff pleaded guilty.

State Farm Recalls Promotional Teddy Bears: "Choking Risk"

Insurance company State Farm uses the line "like a good neighbor" in their commercials, but these teddy bears are definitely not good, period. They have been recalled as they pose a potential hazard to young children.

The eyes of the "Good Neigh Bears" could come off, posing a choking hazard. More than 800,000 teddy bears which have been given out in North America as part of a company promotion have been recalled.

According to the U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission, this recall involves the 11-inch (28 cm) and 18-inch (46 cm) State Farm Good Neigh Bears with plastic eyes, which were given away free through State Farm agents and at State Farm sponsored events from September 2005 through March 2007. The bears are brown and wear a white and red State Farm shirt and were made in ... China (where else).

As these are promotion and thus free, State Farm states consumers should just discard the bears.

Florida State Senator Proposes Random Drug Tests for the Unemployed

Appearing on Fox & Friends Monday, Florida State Senator Michael S. Bennett (R-Dist.21) told host Steve Doocy that with the unemployment rate in Florida running between 10% and 11% and increasing, he is concerned that the state will run out of unemployment insurance funds. His idea: while we've all heard of random drug tests for employees, he's suggested random tests for those out of work.

Bennett explained:

"I wanted to ensure that people who are qualified for unemployment -- that the money would be there when they actually go down and get unemployment and that we weren't supporting people who were not able to go to work. It was nothing against the people who were using the drugs as much as it was to ensure that the people who needed unemployment, it would be there when they got there."

It sounds like a way to save money, all right, but since these people were already employed, one might assume most of them would be able to pass the test anyway. So what might you save, 1% or so? And then, what about the cost for testing? Would you break even?

Bennett did actually add that false positives would be addressed by a re-test. But actually, what about the intervening time? Oh, and you have to pay for the test yourself, by the way.

An opposing view on the show was Bill Piper of the Drug Policy Alliance, which is dedicated to ending the "war on drugs," responded as such:

"Well, I meant these are tough economic times; to require someone to pass a drug test to get their unemployment insurance after they've been laid off is pretty cruel -- and to require them to pay for the test themselves is even more cruel.

"I mean, when you take a drug test, it's a pretty degrading process. You have to urinate in front of another person. To make sure you don't have those false positives, you have to have to disclose what prescription drugs you're on. So you have to tell complete strangers if you're on birth control or Viagra or if you're suffering from depression.

"Normal, everyday Americans shouldn't have to go through that, and we're talking about people who've already paid into the unemployment system. They've been working hard already, and it's simply unfair to throw another hurdle to feeding their families."

Amazing, Doocy agreed:

"You know, Mike, he makes a good argument. There are a lot of really personal questions they do ask, and unemployment insurance is money that people have already paid into the system. Why shouldn't they get it if they're laid off?"

Bennett:

"When, the thing is, that when you file for unemployment, basically you're saying 'I'm ready, willing, and -- quote -- able to go to work.' If the person who pays into the unemployment has to pass a drug test to pay into it, surely the people who are taking out would not object to having to pass the same stringent test ... If you're not able to go to work because you can't pass a drug test, why should you draw unemployment?"

Piper commented:

"Clearly the people he's talking about were already capable of working, because they were working, and they just go laid off, and now they're being subjected to a drug test. He talks about protecting the average person applying for unemployment, and that's who should be protected. And they shouldn't have to take a drug test to prove something to any one; they're just trying to feed their families and pay the mortgage."

Watch the video, from Raw Replay, of Monday's interview:

Senator Tells AIG Execs to Quit or Commit Suicide

When speaking about the revelation that AIG is going to pay out $165 million in bonuses after taking billions in federal bailout money, Senator Charles Grassley (R-IA) showed yet again why some politicians need to avoid speaking without a pre-written speech in front of them.

The issue became public over the weekend when it was revealed that because of contractual obligations, AIG, which is already 80% owned by the government, is going to pay out the aforementioned bonuses. According to AIG, these contracts, which some have conjectured may be commissions on sales rather than bonuses, were written in early 2008.

Uh, before anyone starts pointing fingers, let's remember two things:

• Who was President then? OK.

• A contract is a contract. Unless you want America to become a lawless country, unless Treasury Secretary Geithner can find some legal loophole (in other words, they wrote the contract poorly enough to allow some sort of hoodwinkish escape clause), legally, we're stuck. That said, President Barack Obama has directed Geithner to look for something.

The Republican lawmaker's comments came during an interview with Cedar Rapids, Iowa, radio station WMT:

"I suggest, you know, obviously, maybe they ought to be removed. But I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they'd follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I'm sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.

"And in the case of the Japanese, they usually commit suicide before they make any apology."

Grassley is talking about seppuku, or ritual suicide. By the way, Grassley, the actual ritual is in fact a form of atonement. And to be done properly, you need a "second." What happens is that the participant slices horizontally across his belly from the side (disembowling himself), then the second beheads him.

At any rate, Grassley's aides tried to backpedal swiftly. Spokesman Casey Mills:

"Senator Grassley has said for some time now that generally speaking, executives who make a mess of their companies should apologize, as Japanese executives do. He says the Japanese might even go so far as to commit suicide but he doesn't want U.S. executives to do that."

It's still done in rare cases, but without all the ritual ceremony. I have to admit, these guys are getting rich while failing, while most of us would be fired for such performance. I'm sure, in reality, many of us would prefer them to either lose the cash, resign, and go to prison (where their torture will be long and hard) or all of the above.

Seppuku, to be honest, is too quick.

Meghan McCain to Laura Ingraham: "Kiss My Fat *ss"

Whew, what a weighty issue. Meghan McCain and Laura Ingraham have been sparring for a while, starting with a post in The Daily Beast (where McCain blogs) and continuing onto The View today.

McCain's post, titled "My Beef With Ann Coulter," was summarized as follows:

As the pundit begins a series of national debates this week—including an event with Bill Maher last night—Meghan McCain says that having her as the face of the Republican Party is a recipe for disaster.

McCain also criticized Coulter on the Rachel Maddow Show. Well, that sure set off Laura Ingraham (hey, why not let Coulter defend herself?), and she not only discounted her opinions, asking:

"Do you think that anyone would be talking to you if you weren't kind of cute and you weren’t the daughter of John McCain?"

Ingraham also called McCain plus-sized.

Today Meghan McCain appeared on The View. Surprisingly, even ultra-conservative co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck, supported McCain, calling Ingraham’s remarks "a low blow."

Some of what was said:

Meghan McCain: What do young women think when I speak my mind about politics and I want to have a political discussion about the ideological future of the Republican Party, and the answer is, ‘She’s fat, she shouldn’t have an opinion.’ What kind of message are we sending young women? … It infuriates me. I’m a political writer on a blog, and all of a sudden I’m too fat to write?

and later ...

When Tyra Banks went on her show in a bathing suit and said 'kiss my fat ass,' that's what I feel like. Kiss my fat ass!

It's interesting, when I look at Meghan McCain, I don't see a size zero woman, but I see a darned attractive one, anyway.

Ingraham responded quickly on her radio show:

Ingraham responded immediately, and said on her radio show:

The bottom line is it’s rough and tumble out there. You wanna put yourself out there as someone who’s going to redirect the future of the Republican Party, and you’re going to have to deal with satire. You’re gonna have to deal with people teasing … You gotta just take a chill pill … Can I say lighten up or is that offensive too?

The hits just keep on rollin'.

Watch McCain's appearance on The View below:

Woman Shot After Being Mistaken for Monkey

Don't worry, despite the fact that accidental shootings do happen in America over mistaken identity, this happened in Malaysia --- if that makes you feel better. A Malaysia woman who was gathering fruit in her neighbor's tree was shot when he mistook her for a monkey.

The key was that it was her neighbor's tree, but anyway.

At any rate, Yahaya Othman, police chief in eastern Pahang state, said the man came home, saw rustling and shot.

"Then there was screaming ... and only then did he know it was his neighbor."

The woman's condition is currently listed as stable; the man, in under investigation for illegally discharging a firearm, which carries a maximum prison term of two years.

Don Imus Has Stage II Prostate Cancer

Don Imus, who created huge amounts of controversy with his comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team in 2007, is facing a new battle, this one with cancer.

WABC TV announced that Don Imus made the health issue public, in a surprise live disclosure on his radio show (which airs locally on WABC radio and is syndicated, as well) on Monday at 7:30 AM EDT.

Don Imus stated that the prostate cancer was stage II, and said that he has faith that "his doctors will beat it." He did not say when he was starting treatment, nor is there currently any information on when he was first diagnosed.

He did say:

"The day you find out is fine. But the next morning when you get up, your knees are shaking. I didn't think I could make it to work."

The National Cancer Institute defines stage II prostate cancer as:

Cancer that began in the prostate and is more advanced than stage I, but has not grown outside the prostate.

In spite of his tendency toward "foot-in-mouth" disease, we wish Don Imus well with this new development.

Toy Monkey Named "Ahmadinejad" Earns State TV Show Cancellation

Live TV, particularly with children, can be entertaining, but in this case it was embarrassing and, in the end, costly. A child's toy monkey after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran's president, has resulted in the cancellation of a popular Iranian children's show.

This is reminiscent of Gillian Gibbons, a teacher who committed what was probably an honest mistake, naming a teddy bear used in a class exercise Muhammed (based on the students' votes, BTW!), was convicted of inciting religious hatred. Her sentence was 15 days in prison and deportation. Even worse, after the initial sentence, Sudanese protesters called for her execution! Definitely a case of overkill (no pun intended).

One has to hope that won't happen to the father of the child who called Amoo Pourang (Uncle Pourang), a program (formerly) watched by millions of Iranian children three times a week on state TV. Dariush Farziayi, the host, asked the name of the toy animal his young caller had been given as a reward for good behavior. the child replied:

"Well, my father calls him Ahmadinejad."

The state broadcaster, IRIB, has cancelled the show; the final episode will be screened next week after a seven-year run.

Thing is, the show isn't being cancelled for just one gaffe. Such as the risks with live TV, and with children, as I indicated. One other such example: after asking a participant to hand the phone to his mother or father, he was told: "They are in the shower."

No, WSJ, Baby Hippo Will Not Be Fed to the Tigers

Shoot, this makes me wonder if I should trust the Wall Street Journal for business news. After all, they tried a bit of "shock" news this week, saying that Switzerland's Basel Zoo would have to feed it's star attraction, Farasi, a hippopotamus calf to the tigers due to lack of space.

Farasi is so popular he was named "Swiss of the Year" for 2008, beating out tennis star Roger Federer.

But the WSJ quoted zoo spokeswoman Tanja Dietrich as saying since they do not have room for a second male hippo, he'd be put up for adoption.

Or else? Zoo policy, she said, is to "put down excess animals and feed them to carnivores."

Obviously spotting a major PR mistake in the offing, the zoo said that the report was misleading.

The same spokesperson told the AP:

"We're confident we'll find a place for him."

She did add that there were rare cases in which they have to kill an animal, and feed it to carnivores in the zoo, but this was unlikely to be an option in Farasi's case.

Besides, there's no rush. Farasi has to stay with his mother for another year to feed off her milk. And besides, how could you resist him!?

Daycare Owners Charged With Taping Sex With Children

The more of these types of stories I read, the more I think that humanity is spiraling downward. These two, Stephen E. Quick, 31, and Samantha Light, 25, are reportedly home daycare providers, from Veedersburg, Indiana. They were arrested on March 5th. Why? Sex with children. And not just that: they also videotaped the acts, some with children as young as two years old.

A young girl told her parents that the pair had touched her "inappropriately" and photographed her at their home "center" on Feb. 28th. Police searched their home and seized several computers, cameras, a video camera, pornographic materials, and drugs. In a daycare center.

Makes you rethink using just any old daycare center, doesn't it?

Police also found a videotape that showed several sex acts involving both Quick and Light and at least four different children between the ages of 2 months and 6 years old.

The mother of the girl who initially made the report stated:

"I asked her if they were just helping her in the bathroom and she said, 'No mommy, they took pictures.

The damage they have done to these young children is going to affect them for the rest of their lives. And there's no taking back what has happened already. All they (authorities) can do is make sure that it never happens again."

This points to something else as well. Children should know they need to bring these sorts of events to the attention of their parents.

Fountain County Sheriff's Department Deputy Bob Kemp commented:

"In 15 years of doing this job, it's the worst thing I've ever seen or imagined. Just horrible, just horrible … It's a new low."

Preliminary charges: Quick: three counts of child molestation and one count of child exploitation; Light: four counts of child molestation and one count of child exploitation.

They apparently had a young daughter as well; she has (unsurprisingly) been removed from the home.

Browns WR Donte Stallworth Questioned After Killing Pedestrian

In reality, the way our society works, this will probably amount to a slap on the wrist, if that much.

Miami Beach police questioned Cleveland Browns WR Donte Stallworth, who apparently hit and killed a pedestrian with his Bentley on Saturday morning on the busy McArthur Causeway, which links Miami and Miami Beach.

Donte Stallworth was headed eastbound toward the beach when he hit a 59-year-old man identified as Mario Reyes, who is believed to have worked at a nearby construction site. Reyes was taken to a nearby ER, where he was pronounced dead about an hour later.

It is unclear if Reyes was crossing the street legally, or jaywalking, according to reports.

Donte Stallworth has been released, and charges are "pending the results of the investigation and blood tests." Hmmm. Police spokesman Juan Sanchez said that if the blood test:

"shows any signs of impairment -- either drugs or alcohol -- we will take action at that point."

This isn't the first time Donte Stallworth has been in the news regarding an auto incident.

In March of 2006, he was arrested after resisting arrest during a traffic stop. According to the arrest report, he was pulled over in (the same?) black Bentley for driving with an expired tag.

Donte Stallworth then handed Officer Erick Pagan his license and tried to drive off, refusing to exit his car, shut off the engine or get off his cell phone.

In a pique of entitlement, which frequently occurs in incidents regarding celebs of any type, Donte Stallworth told the detectives that the incident was going to cost them a lot of money and that he would have their jobs.

Sounds Lindsay Lohan-ish.

The Cleveland Browns released the following statement:

"We are aware of the incident involving Donte Stallworth and have been in contact with his representatives. We understand the seriousness of this situation, but will not have any further comment at this time as this is an ongoing investigation."

Centuries-Dead Mathematician Receives TV Bill

In Germany, if you own a TV or radio, you have to pay a licensing fee as well as register it at the Television Licensing Collection Agency (GEZ). Adam Ries was reminded of this fact the hard way, as he was sent a bill for his long-overdue television license fees. Oh, wait, he wasn't! Ries has been dead since 1559.

Adam Ries was a German mathematician who died on March 30, 1559; sometimes his last name is misspelled as Riese. He apparently owned the residence in question then, but the property is currently occupied by a museum created to honor Ries.

Naturally they sent the bill back, with an explanatory letter. Naturally they received another past due notice a few weeks later.

It's bad enough that in Germany you have to pay just for owning a TV, but then you can't even escape it when you die, or even when the fact is they hadn't even invented the technology when you lived.

Rape Used to "Cure" South African Lesbians

This is heinous, no matter what your opinion of homosexuality. NGO ActionAid has released a report titled "Hate Crimes: the rise of corrective rape in South Africa." Corrective rape, meaning that the rape is done in the belief it will lead to heterosexuality among the lesbians.

Right. In reality, it's just a hate crime.

In 2006, South Africa became the first country in Africa to allow same-sex marriage, but yet same-sex unions are often decried as "un-African."

In its report, ActionAid quoted one woman as saying:

"We get insults every day, beatings if we walk alone, you are constantly reminded that you deserve to be raped. They yell, 'if I rape you then you will go straight, you will buy skirts and start to cook because you will have learnt how to be a real woman'."

Zakhe Sowello from Soweto, said:

"Every day I am told that they are going to kill me, that they are going to rape me and after they rape me I'll become a girl. When you are raped you have a lot of evidence on your body. But when we try and report these crimes nothing happens, and then you see the boys who raped you walking free on the street."

Laura Turquet, ActionAid’s women’s rights coordinator, said:

"So-called 'corrective' rape is yet another grotesque manifestation of violence against women, the most widespread human rights violation in the world today. These crimes continue unabated and with impunity, while governments simply turn a blind eye."

The issue of "corrective rape" hit the front page in 2008, when in April Eudy Simelane (pictured above), former star of South Africa's national female soccer, became a statistic. She was gang-raped and brutally beaten before being stabbed 25 times in the face, chest and legs.

Employee Spikes Her Boss' Coffee with Valium; "He Needed to Chill Out"

24-year-old Erin Kelly is behind bars after telling police she drugged her boss, veterinarian John Duckett because "he needed to chill out." It happened Tuesday morning, and Duckett could tell almost immediately after drinking his (drugged) coffee that something was amiss.

The incident took place at the Reynolds Road Animal Clinic in Bryant, Arkansas. According to reports from the Bryant police:

"He knew he hadn't taken any medication, he hadn't taken any prescription pills. He had suspected that he had been poisoned at his office."

They ended up calling 911 and taking him to the ER Kelly later admitted to spiking his coffee. My wife asked me, "why the heck would she admit it?" Well, I had to think about it, since she only spiked his coffee with a benzodiazepine, a tranquilizer (Valium, for example, is a benzodiazepine. On the other hand, so is the date-rape drug, GHB).

In reality, she either felt guilty or decided to say "no, he wasn't poisoned; I just gave him some valium to chill him out." Or both.

Kelly's bond has been set at $25,000. Prosecutors had asked for bond to be set at $100,000. Her next court appearance is April 21st at 1 PM.

Watch a local video report:

Anna Nicole Smith's Boyfriend, Doctors Charged Over Drug Facilitation

Anna Nicole Smith's boyfriend / lawyer Howard K. Stern, 40, (no, not that Howard Stern) as well as two doctors, Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, 40, and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, 61, have been charged with conspiracy to provide the former Playboy Playmate with thousands of prescription pills before her 2007 fatal overdose at the age of 39.

Anna Nicole Smith was famous not just for her Playboy pics, but also for her marriage to oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, who died in 1995 at the age of 90 after just a year of marriage to Smith.

California Attorney General Jerry Brown said:

"What we have in this case is a conspiracy among three individuals. Howard K. Stern is the principal enabler. Dr. Eroshevich and Dr. Kapoor are prescribing drugs excessively to a known addict and using false and fictitious names all in violation of the law and all in furtherance of a conspiracy. This was done knowingly and it’s done with tragic consequences."

Authorities said that charges against the above three include conspiracy, unlawfully prescribing a controlled substance and prescribing, administering or dispensing a controlled substance to an addict (yes, in case you didn't know that about Anna Nicole Smith).

The prescriptions were issued between June 2004 and January 2007. Anna Nicole Smith died on Feb. 8, 2007.

Stern initially claimed he was the father of Dannielynn, Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, but later gave up custody of the girl after DNA tests proved Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead was the father.

Dannielynn is the focus of much, er, monetary attention. She is the sole heir of her Anna Nicole Smith's estate, with Birkhead and Stern as co-trustees. If the estate wins an ongoing court fight over the oil fortune of the aforementioned J. Howard Marshall II, Dannielynn could inherit millions of dollars.

Jim Cramer vs. Jon Stewart: Ready, Fight!

It wasn't Mortal Kombat, as the participants kept relative "cool" during their toe-to-toe session on The Daily Show last night, but it was definitely entertaining when Jim Cramer and Jon Stewart stood off over the recent Stewart - CNBC feud.

Now, it all began with CNBC Rick Santelli's rant over the mortgage rescue plan proposed by the Obama Administration. Watch below:

As Stewart said so succinctly later, it's interesting that the government was finally trying to help Main Street, rather than Wall Street, who, of course, Santelli supports (he also used to be a derivatives trader).

He also pointed out that (subtly), that while homeowners may have missed warning signs, Wall Street did so as well. Quite obviously, which is why we are bailing out Wall Street.

Last week, Rick Santelli canceled an appearance on The Daily Show, which prompted Stewart to air a segment that brought Jim Cramer and other CNBC reporters into the fray. Watch it below:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

And there we were last night, with Jim Cramer appearing on The Daily Show. Below are the unedited (meaning, watch out for cursing) portions of the long segment, which surprisingly held the audience's interest to a point that they were actually quiet, and listening. On a comedy show.

And this is why despite the fact that both Stewart and Stephen Colbert are funny, they are also right on when it comes to issues and news. And even mainstream media has begun to recognize that. Stewart put the truth out on the table, and let Cramer stammer his responses. Stewart explained his original issue with Santelli, as well:

"It struck us as bad form for a network that has been cheerleading banks. It was ballsy and ignorant."

Watch it:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 3

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Faux "Joker" Killed by Police After Stabbing, Car Chase

Army Spc. Christopher Lanum, 25, a suspect in the stabbing of a fellow soldier, Spc. Mitchell Stone, at Fort Eustis, was killed hours after the attack when he pointed a loaded shotgun at police after a chase. He had reportedly painted his face and dressed to look like The Joker, the villain from Batman comics and the movie The Dark Knight.

Lanum was apparently obsessed with the villain, according to reports filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. The records stated that Patsy Montowski, Lanum's girlfriend, indicated that Lanum:

"said everything The Joker did he did for a reason, like killing people, and that he agreed with the philosophy of doing things for a reason."

Wow. He needed some serious therapy. His mother, Tammy Llewellyn said:

"To be honest with you, you probably know more than I do. I have not been informed of much. All I can tell you is that Christopher served 18 months in Iraq and he never came actually home to us.

"I really can't comment at this time because I actually know nothing. Everybody else knows more than I do. I have been informed of nothing but what I read. At this time we'd like to get through the grieving process, and maybe at a later time we will make comment."

The final events in the tragedy occurred in the Shenandoah National Park after a chase. Patsy Montowski was in fact a passenger in the vehicle, and was hit by gunfire and treated at a hospital. She was arrested Wednesday evening and charged with being an accessory after the fact to assault, authorities said.

Kellogg's Donates Thousands of Boxes of Michael Phelps Cereal to Food Bank

Kellogg's, which already cut ties with Olympic champion Michael Phelps, is obviously divesting itself of any leftover reminders of him. But what's bad for Phelps' bank account is good for the needy in San Francisco, as two tons of cereal was donated to the San Francisco Food Bank.

Kellogg's chose not to renew its association with Phelps in February, after his much publicized bong photo.

In a way, it's a shame. Phelps probably could have used some of these boxes, at least the Frosted Flakes (maybe not the Corn Flakes) when he got the munchies after his next hit.

It's a good thing for the food bank. According to the San Francisco Food Bank executive director Paul Ash, cereal is tough for them to get.

"It's a very tough item to get. In the last six or eight years, it's become very hard to get ahold of."

I'm hoping that volunteers at the bank aren't snagging any and putting them on eBay. There are plenty of boxes for sale on the auction site, including this one that has a Buy-It-Now price of $28.99.

Despite GPS Monitoring, Girl Murdered by Sex Offender

This murder goes to show that GPS monitoring is fine, but what good does it do if a sex offender's movements are not monitored and restricted? For Alycia Nipp, it did no good at all.

And that's the point many critics of GPS monitoring make. If the subject's whereabouts with respect to minors are not under 24/7 surveillance, what good is it? In this case, realistically, since Darrin Sanford, 30, lived near the field where Alycia Nipp's body was eventually found, if you didn't know she was there, what good would it do?

Evan Mayo-Wilson, an Oxford University lecturer who has studied the use of GPS, told CNN:

"They can't monitor it live, and even if you could monitor it live, him being in the field wouldn't have told you he was murdering the girl."

Darrin Sanford was convicted of communicating with a minor for immoral purposes and luring minors with sexual motivation in 1998; he was sentenced to probation, but was jailed following a violation in November 2008.

He was released from jail in January and was fitted with a global positioning tracking unit on his ankle. And Sanford was still wearing the device seven weeks later when he tried to rape Alycia Nipp.

But, according to Sanford's confession, he could not complete "the act," and Alycia Nipp giggled, triggering a rage that resulted in him killing her.

The GPS unit was used to corroborate his confession. Unfortunately, it could not protect Alycia Nipp. If nothing else, though, it does point out that GPS monitoring should not be considered a cure-all.

Sanford's arraignment, scheduled for Wednesday, has been postponed until June, according to a Clark County prosecutor.

Joaquin Phoenix Leaps Off Stage to Go After Heckler

Joaquin Phoenix has been running around looking a little, well, scruffy lately, and he's been exhibiting behavior that can only be called bizarre. His latest antics: leaping into the crowd to go after a heckler at a hip-hop show.

Speculation has abounded that this is all a put-on, an act. After all, while security guards restrained Joaquin Phoenix, who was then escorted out, brother-in-law Casey Affleck filmed the whole thing. Affleck is the director of a documentary detailing Phoenix’s career change from film to hip-hop.

To be honest, if it's not an act, I would be concerned about Phoenix. One thing is for sure: he's not wasting any money on razors.

According to reports, Phoenix said "We have a f--king b---- in the audience. I've got a million dollars in the bank. What have you got, b----?" before leaping at the hecker.

Watch the video below, but most of what Joaquinn Phoenix raps or says is drowned out by the crowd.

Bush Shoe-Thrower Sentenced to 3 Years

Muntadar al-Zaidi, 30, who has been in custody in Iraq since hurling his shoes at former U.S. President George W. Bush during a mid-December press conference, has been found guilty and sentenced to 18 months per shoe.

Al-Zaidi has been hailed as a hero by many Iraqis, and sales of the show, a Ducati Model 271, skyrocketed after the incident.

And since then, the number of "missile" attacks on officials using footwear has leapt worldwide.

Muntadar Al-Zeidi could have received up to 15 years in prison. Thus, his defense team said the judge showed leniency because of al-Zeidi's age and clean record. But they are still appealing the ruling.

The defense team tried to use Bush's own words in al-Zaidi's defense; Bush had stated the incident showed there was indeed democracy in Iraq.

Update: because he had no prior record, his sentence was reduced to 12 months.

Watch Bush's smooth moves at avoiding the "missiles" in this video.

Bristol Palin Splits From Levi Johnston

It's unclear if any of this is related to Levi Johnston's mother's arrest on drug charges, but what's done is done: Bristol Palin and fiance Levin Johnston are splitsville.

All signs, and statements by the couple, pointed to a wedding. After all, Bristol Palin was pregnant with Levi Johnston's baby. But the fact that the two were not married prior to the baby's birth was a definite red flag.

A source told People:

"It kind of just happened. I thought they would stick it out. But I think they can work together to raise Tripp."

If I can be somewhat snarky, I could say: what about family values? Based on that shouldn't they be together, for the sake of Tripp? End of snarkiness.

Interestingly, though this didn't become public until today, according to another source, this breakup is common knowledge around Wasilla.

Most Voters View Rush Limbaugh Negatively: Study

Rush Limbaugh, whom the Democrats have tried to cast as the heart and soul of the GOP, is viewed negatively by a majority of voters, with 45% of them viewing him "very" negatively, according to a survey released Wednesday by Democracy Corps and Greenberg Quinlan Rosner.

According to the survey, overall, voters view Rush Limbaugh negatively by a 53% to 26% margin, over 2 to 1. 45% view him "very, very" negatively.

Among independents, the ratio is to three-to-one against. By a 57% to 32% majority, voters say that Rush Limbaugh does not "share their values." The report does not that Republicans are reversed in their opinion, where by a two-to-one margin, they believe he shares their values.

More importantly, however, is that 62% of voters believe the GOP continues to "embrace the same old ideas and leaders it has relied on for the past 20 years." As you may recall, change was a byword in the 2008 elections.

The study was done by Greenberg Quinlan Rosner for Democracy Corps from March 5 - 8, 2009, and surveyed 1,000 2008 voters, including 170 interviewed on cell phones (120 unweighted) and 830 likely 2010 voters (863 unweighted).

Nadya Suleman Says She's Paying for Her New House

I'm trying to decide if this is better, or worse news. Nadya Suleman, in a video posted on RadarOnline.com, which has a sort of "daily update" video deal with her, says she, not her father, is paying for her new house.

The four-bedroom, 2 and a half bath-bath house reportedly costs $564,000. Suleman says she is paying for the house with money from the "opportunities" she has opted to select (in other words, tabloid et. al. money). However, according to AP, the house is in her father's name.

All right, can we all agree to disagree?

Perhaps she's just in a fugue, as she was when she decided to have 14 children. At any rate, how does it make you readers feel to know she's getting not just free help that would normally cost thousands, but that she appears to be well on the way to getting enough deals to make her rich enough to afford these 14 kids?

Two, Count 'Em, Two Teachers Accused of Sex --- with the Same Boy

Two female Utah junior high school teachers from Bountiful Junior High have been arrested for sexual abuse of a single male teenage student. The student was 13-years-old when the incidents started.

Linda Nef, 46, and Valynne Bowers, 39, have been charged in the matter. Charges include sodomy and rape of a child.

According to the Salt Lake Tribune:

Court documents allege Nef, a Utah studies teacher and cheerleading adviser, had oral sex and intercourse with a 13-year-old male student between December 2007 and February 2008. Bowers, who teaches math, allegedly confessed to also having oral sex and intercourse with the same student, now 14, between January 2009 and February 2009.

It's somewhat ironic and humorous that parents said that both Linda Nef and Valynne Bowers were known for going the extra mile for their students. I'm sure this student would agree with that.

One thing that confuses me is why this keeps happening. A 13-year-old? I mean, why not associate with people your own age? What is the big attraction (no pun intended)?

Bowers started teaching at Bountiful Junior High in 2006. Nef started teaching at Bountiful Junior High in 2005.

Las Vegas Mogul Steve Wynn, Elaine Wynn to Divorce. Again.

Las Vegas casino mogul Steve Wynn is divorcing his wife Elaine after more than four decades of marriage.

What makes the story more juicy is that Steve and Elaine Wynn were divorced once before, in 1986; they remarried five years later. The couple has two adult daughters, Kevyn and Gillian.

Steve Wynn, 67, is chief executive of the Las Vegas-based casino company, Wynn Resorts Ltd., which reported $210.2 million in net income in 2008. Elaine Wynn, 66, is a director on the company's board.

Of course, according to reports, the reason for the divorce is "another woman." They earlier stated that Steve Wynn had fallen for a 40-something British divorcee with two children. According to the New York Post, she's Andrea Hissom.

Unfortunately for Elaine Wynn, we can see from the picture (attached) just why Steve Wynn is attracted to her.

Still, you can bet Elaine Wynn won't be hurting financially. Steve and Elaine Wynn each own more than 24 million shares in Wynn Resorts, which would be valued at more than $468 million each at Tuesday's market close.

Misdelivered Human Body Ends Up at Pet Store

The Pets Plus store on Roosevelt Blvd. in Philadelphia received a nasty surprise Tuesday. Instead of the several boxes of tropical fish owner Mark Arabia was expecting, he received one box: with a human body in it.

It's hard to say how the mix-up occurred, but Jon Kenoyer, 65, who passed away last Friday in San Diego after a 5-year battle with Alzheimer's disease, was supposed to be on his way to Lifequest Anatomical in Allentown, PA, for research.

His wife Mary Ellen said it was his final joke.

"At first I was in a state of shock that they messed up to begin with and I wondered where he was going or how he got there. And then I started to laugh because he was one that always did practical jokes and this was the last joke on us."

In addition, his family is chuckling over the fact that Kenoyer was a mailman all his life, and he was misdelivered on his final trip.

Once the research on his body is complete, Kenoyer will be cremated and returned to his family.

"Let's hope they don't mis-deliver his ashes," his wife added.

Suleman to Get New Home, 24/7 Assistance

Nadya Suleman, the controversial mother of octuplets and 14 children in total, all conceived via in vitro fertilization, is about to get a new home. Her mother's home, where Suleman currently lives, is under foreclosure.

But don't worry. If it makes you feel any better, it's not costing taxpayers a dime, and it's not due to some mega-book deal. Nope, Nadya Suleman's father, Ed Doud, is purchasing a $564,900 house in the city of La Habra.

The deal was apparently help along with public donations. Donations? You all are donating money to this ... person? All right, all right, I suppose we need to think about the children, not this obviously mentally disturbed woman.

At the same time, TV talk show host Dr. Phil McGraw issued a press release Monday that said that Suleman has agreed to accept nursing help from the nonprofit Angels in Waiting. The nonprofit says the help, which will be provided at no charge, would normally cost around $135,000 a month. Ouch! It will be funded through donations, though.

One has to look at this and think, however, that a "normal" person would not get all this "free" help. Why should someone who's obviously made a huge mistake be bailed out? If it wasn't for the children, it probably wouldn't happen in this case.

All You Can Eat, If You're Fat Enough

The aptly named Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, AZ has a deal for you, if you're fat enough. If you weigh more than 350 pounds, you eat for free, all day, every day.

No takeouts, though, and no sodas are provided. You also have to weigh in before each burger. I'm not sure why; it's not like you will lose weight if you just ingested a burger.

Here's the menu, and it goes all the way up to a Quadruple Bypass Burger. According to their FAQ:

• The fastest time to consume a Quadruple Bypass Burger is 1:47
• No Diet Coke
• There's a dance craze they started ... The Heart Attack Burger (see below)

Kennel Blast Kills 17 Dogs, Including Martha Stewart's Puppy

A propane explosion at a Pennsylvania kennel killed 17 dogs, including Martha Stewart's chow puppy, Genghis Khan, and seriously injured the propane truck driver.

The kennel in Lehighton was getting a propane delivery when the tank ignited. Officials have said a spark or static electricity may have started the blaze. The explosion remains under investigation but is considered accidental.

Though badly burned, the driver, Timothy Kleinhagen managed to throw a cairn terrier over the fence to safety. He is listed in critical condition at Lehigh Valley Hospital.

Pazzazz Boarding Kennel co-owner Karen Tracy was quoted at Martha Stewart's website, where she called him a hero:

"That man is a hero. My heart goes out to his family."

Stewart added:

"My heart goes out to Karen Tracy and I am hoping for a speedy recovery for those (both pets and humans) injured in this terrible event."

Genghis Khan was a grandson of Stewart’s previous chow, Paw Paw, which died last April at age 12.

Gingrich: "You're Irrational If You Don't Want the New President to Succeed"

No less a GOP front man than Newt Gingrich has called Rush Limbaugh's hope that Barack Obama fails "irrational."

Gingrich said the following on Sunday's Meet the Press:

"You've got to want the president to succeed. You're irrational if you don't want the president to succeed. Because if he doesn't succeed the country doesn't succeed... I don't think anyone should want the president of the United States to fail. I want some of his policies to be stopped. But I don't want the president of the United States to fail. I want him to learn new policies."

Rush Limbaugh has repeatedly said he wants Barack Obama to fail. But Gingrich states what should be clear whether you are a Democrat or a Republican. If Obama fails, millions, not just in the U.S., but globally will suffer. In fact, you the reader may lose his job or heath (with no health insurance) or something else, perhaps even more dire.

Do you want to take that chance? Hope someone can fail so that your party can hope to retake Congress and the White House? Risk your family's well-being on that? If so, you --- and Rush Limbaugh --- are indeed irrational, and lack common sense.

And I didn't say it, Gingrich did.

Pastor Killed By Gunman in Church Shooting

Dr. Fred Winters, an Illinois pastor, attempted to use the Bible he was holding as a shield from bullets being shot at him from an unknown gunman who opened fire during this morning's Sunday services.

Despite this, Pastor Winters, of the First Baptist Church in Maryville, IL, was shot several times. He later died of his injuries at nearby Anderson Hospital.

Dr. Fred Winters was Senior Pastor of the church. According to the church's website, he is survived by a wife, Cindy Lee and two children, Alysia Grace and Cassidy Hope.

It is unclear if the gunman was a member of the church. The church currently has 1,200 members. Maryville is about 20 miles northeast of St. Louis.

Besides the fatal shooting of Pastor Fred Winters, three others were injured in the shooting, but with knife wounds. After shooting the pastor, the gunman turned a knife on himself, and two parishioners who tackled him were knifed accidentally as well.

Smuggler Nabbed With Cast Made Out of Cocaine

To be clear, it's not that the smuggler was hiding cocaine packets in the cast. No, the cast itself, for an actual broken leg, was made out of cocaine.

A 66-year-old Chilean was arrested at Barcelona's El Prat airport after arriving from Santiago, Chile. The police were right on it, testing the cast by spraying it with a chemical that turns blue when it comes in contact with cocaine.

They also caught the man with cocaine hidden in six beer cans that had been emptied, packed with drugs and resealed, and put inside the legs of two small folding stools. Now that is far more typical of smuggling.

Altogether, he was carrying about 11 pounds of cocaine, with 2.2 pounds of it being the cast. Police had seen cocaine beneath casts, but never a cast entirely made of cocaine.

Here's my question: was he actually desperate enough to get an extra couple of pounds of cocaine into the country to break his own leg, or was he just "lucky" to have a ?crime of opportunity?"

Prince Charles' Love Letters for Sale on eBay

A set of six love letters from Prince Charles has been put up for sale on eBay. To be clear: these aren't letters to either Camilla or Di, so who the heck are these love letters to?

While not named in the eBay auction itself, according to a report, the letters were written from Prince Charles to Montreal resident Janet Jenkins between 1976 and 1980.

The letters have a starting bid of $30,000 and a Buy It Now price of $30,001. So far no takers.

According to the auction, one letter, dated June 8th, 1980 says:

" I can see that I shall just have to get married as soon as possible and then all these people might relax a little....! I still think my solution of marrying a girl from each commonwealth county is the best one. Don't worry-whatever happens I will make sure you are given early warning.........". It is signed, "with much love, Charles."

According to the auction, the owner of the letters is a business called Everything Royal, which states that after 30 years it is closing.

Jenkins herself apparently sold the letters to Everything Royal. She said:

"I was surprised to discover this morning they are back on eBay. I hope nobody buys them, actually."

Everything Royal owner Alicia Carroll responded:

"I bought them directly from her. I'm sorry she's embarrassed they're up for sale. I've had them seven years and I'm a businesswoman and she knew they were for resale.

"If she's embarrassed why would she want the letters in a museum where millions of people could go daily and read them? It would be better to see them sold to a private collector."

McDonald's Hero to Have Medical Bills Paid, One Way or the Other

I wrote previously about Nigel Haskett, the McDonald's hero who leaped over a counter and stopped a man from beating a woman, only to be shot in the parking lot for his trouble. To show no good deed goes unpunished, he amassed over $300,000 in medical bills, but was also denied worker's compensation, which would have paid for those bills.

More information has arisen that seems to place the blame not so much on McDonald's but on a firm named Ramsey, Krug, Farrell and Lensing, which handles the workers comp insurance for Ray Nosler, the franchisee of the location.

It's RKFL who has refused to pay the bills, arguing that "Mr. Haskett's injuries did not arise out of or within the course and scope of his employment," not McDonald's, according to reports.

So rather than spitting venom at McDonald's, we should be spitting it at a different corporation. It's still true, however, that many try to get out of paying workers comp insurance claims.

On the other hand, McDonald's could have stepped in as the parent company and offered up some money, anyway. After all, this hero made McDonald's look good, didn't he?

However, franchise owner Ray Nosler has stepped up:

"Nigel's case will be presented to a Worker's Compensation judge, who will review all of the facts and decide on the case's merits. McDonald's supports Nigel's claim, and fully anticipates the judge in this process will find in Nigel's favor. As a safeguard, if for some reason his claim is denied, and other insurance options are unavailable, I intend to cover the cost of his medical expenses."

Good for him, but why should he have to? RKFL should admit this is a valid claim. Oh, yeah, that would hurt the bottom line.

By the way, RKFL is owned by BankcorpSouth which posted earnings of $120 million in 2008.

Watch the video of Haskett's heroism below:

"Say Please" Earns a Man Pepper Spray

Desiderio Fortunato, 54, of Coquitlam, B.C. learned the hard way that it's not a good idea to be a smart-a** to a U.S. Border Guard.

According to an audio report on NPR, Fortunato was asked by a U.S. border guard to turn off his engine, to which Fortunato responded "Say please." The report indicates that the guard told him to turn off the engine a second time, to which Fortunato again asked him to "Say please."

At this point the border guard pepper-sprayed Fortunato. Fortunato explained:

"I just said please. He said 'get out of the car or I spray you' and ... I thought he was just trying to scare me off or something and I was pepper sprayed from a foot or two away.

"I felt like I was attacked by a bunch of wolves. They jumped on me, they threw me to the ground and they kneeled on me."

As opposed to being a smart-a**, Fortunato also said he felt the guard was rude. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Mike Milne in Seattle said the request to shut off the engine was a lawful order that travelers must obey, and added that the use of force in this case is under review.

Ex-Monkee Peter Tork Has Rare Cancer

Peter Tork, a former member of 1960's band The Monkees, has a rare form of head and neck cancer, he has revealed on his website. Tork is at the very right in the picture of The Monkees above.

The Monkees were a pop singing quartet assembled in Los Angeles in 1966 specifically for a comedy TV series. The series aired from 1966 to 1968 and starred Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, Michael Nesmith, and Peter Tork. While the group mostly did vocals at the start, and reportedly weren't all familiar with musical instruments, they eventually learned and release numerous hits.

The Monkees were obviously a take-off on The Beatles, and reportedly inspired by the Beatles' film A Hard Day's Night.

Some of their hits include:

"Last Train to Clarksville," "Daydream Believer," "A Little Bit Me, a Little Bit You," "I'm a Believer," "I Wanna Be Free," "Pleasant Valley Sunday," "(I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone."

According to his website, Peter Tork, who is now the current bandleader of blues-rock band Shoe Suede Blues announced that he has recently been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma. This is a rare and generally slow-growing form of head and neck cancer is most frequently found in the salivary glands but in his case was discovered on the lower region of the tongue.

Here's what Peter Tork says on his website:

"It's a bad news, good news situation. It's so rare a combination (on the tongue) that there isn't a lot of experience among the medical community about this particular combination. On the other hand, the type of cancer it is, never mind the location, is somewhat well known, and the prognosis, I'm told, is good.

"I am extraordinarily grateful, amazed and humbled by the encouragement, affection and support I've received so far. Barring any complications, I fully expect to honor a performance date I have this June with Shoe Suede Blues. We're appearing in Manchester, Connecticut and I'm looking forward to that and all our tour dates."

I have to admit (dating myself) that I watched and listened to the Monkees when they first toured. I wish him the best.

Michael Jackson Schedules Farewell Tour

On Thursday, Michael Jackson, in front of a crowd of screaming fans, announced that after eight years of pretty much nothing, he is about to launch a farewell tour. He said the series of shows in July at London's O2 Arena will be his "final curtain call."

Michael Jackson made the announcement at the 02 Arena, in fact, saying:

"This is it. This is it. These will be my final shows, performances, in London. This is it. And when I say this is it, I mean this is it.

"This is really it. This is the final curtain call, OK? See you in July."

Pre-sale for tickets to the concerts begins March 8 on the pop star's Web site. The 10-concert stand will begin July 8.

Michael Jackson has not released a studio album or played a full concert since 2001. His last major tour was the HIStory World Tour in 1996-1997. Since then his career has been overshadowed by scandals, including changes to his appearance, accusations of child molestation, possible bankruptcy, and more.

British music writer and broadcaster John Aizlewood said:

"This is Michael Jackson playing his greatest hits — some of the greatest hits in the history of music — live. It is a great event. I think even Michael Jackson won’t blow it."

Me, I'm not so sure.

Stress and the (Already) Graying of Barack Obama

It's pretty well known that the strains of being President wreak havoc on a person. It seems to age them beyond normal expectations. And after only 1 1/2 months in office, Barack Obama is showing the effects: graying at the temples.

In fact, some have said that time in office should be based on a sort of Presidential-year formula, much like the one that relates dog years to human years. Dr. Michael Roizen, chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic says that the formula should be 2-to-1:

"It doesn't matter if they're Democrats or Republicans, it doesn't matter if they've been athletes or not beforehand, it doesn't matter if they were smokers or not. For eight years in office, they age 16 years."

Roizen didn't just pull this number out of a hat, by the way. He used his RealAge formula which adds in tons of factors.

OK, let's see: 45 days in office, he's aged 90 days. Why all the gray? Well, realistically, it's more like over two years of stress: that was one heck of a Presidential campaign.

But, according to his barber, and Obama as well, he's 47. Get used to it. Zariff, the president's Chicago barber for 17 years (who goes by a single name) says:

"The gray, it's not a whole lot, but he has a few strands. It's quite normal for his age group."

There's no doubt though, the pressure of the job, and the strain of the recession will wear on him, as will those "hoping he fails."

I have a question for those people, by the way: if Obama fails, millions of Americans will be hurt. So are you basically saying you hope that happens, as well?

McGruff the Crime Dog Has a Bite Taken Out of Him

You may remember McGruff the Crime Dog, the police mascot created by the Ad Council for the National Crime Prevention Council. His mission: build crime awareness among children. McGruff needs his own lesson in awareness as he never saw this sucker punch coming.

Here's what happened:

McGruff was being portrayed by Washington D.C. police officer Tyrone Hardy last Saturday, passing out flyers to children when a Metro bus pulled up to the curb.

The bus driver, Shawn Brim, 38, climbed out of the bus, adjusted both sideview mirrors and then sucker-punched McGruff in the face. Take a look at McGruff's head and you'll know why Hardy didn't see the punch coming.

Brim jumped backed into the bus and drove off, but was eventually caught (what the heck was he thinking?). Well, according to Brim, what he was thinking was he was just trying "to be funny."

Metro spokeswoman Candace Smith said:

"But nobody here finds it funny, believe me. That kind of behavior is not tolerated."

McGruff, or rather, Hardy received a bruised right cheek. Brim received a charge of simple assault, and may lose his job.

Former Winston Cigarettes Pitchman Dies of Throat Cancer

Alan Landers, 68, a model who posed for Winston cigarette ads in the 1960s and 1970s, has died of while undergoing treatment for throat cancer.

While some of his celebrity came from appearing in ads, still more came from his legal battles with R.J. Reynolds and other tobacco companies. Landers, born Allan Levine, claim that being forced to smoke for the ads caused his health problems. His case was scheduled for trial in April.

Alan Landers had already survived two bouts of lung cancer, and was undergoing chemotherapy and radiation for the aforementioned throat cancer. As if that wasn't enough, he also suffered from emphysema.

Smoking has been linked as a possible cause in all of these diseases.

However, his case may die with him. Under Florida law only a parent, child or spouse of the deceased can continue a case after a death. Alan Landers's parents are both dead, and he is unmarried and childless.

Tim Howard, Landers' attorney said:

"He fought a good fight. Alan was an example of light, energy and courage. It's a tribute to his spirit that he beat the odds so many times."

Howard added:

"He wanted his justice. He wanted his day in court. And that's the challenge with all these cigarette cases. ... When the courts drag out justice, the individuals die."

You can find more information on Alan Landers at the website WinstonMan.com.

Pitcher Traded for Bats Meets Tragic End

John C. Odom, a minor-league pitcher who became famous last year after being traded, not for another player, but for 10 bats worth $665, has died of a drug overdose, one that only surfaced today, months after its occurrence.

John C. Odom had been traded by the Calgary Vipers of the independent Golden Baseball League to the Laredo Broncos of the United League. Thing is, their original trade deal fell through, one for a slugger. Because Calgary frowned upon trades for cash, they decided on a trade for bats: made by Prairie Sticks, double-dipped black, 34 inches long, model C243, 10 of them worth $665.

It made John C. Odom famous, but it also bothered him a great deal. Dan Shwam, who managed Odom in 2008 on the Laredo Broncos of the United League, told Fox Sports:

"I guarantee this trade thing really bothered him. That really worried me. I really believe, knowing his background, that this drove him back to the bottle, that it put him on the road to drugs again.

"There were some demons chasing him, they'd been after him for a long time. But there's no way to really know whether the trade did it, is there?"

Ironically, John C. Odom once was a teammate of last year's Cy Young winner, Tim Lincecum. Both were pitchers.

After a particularly bad outing last June, Odom told Shwam he needed to take off, that he needed to get his life straightened out. With that, he disappeared, and was never seen by baseball again.

John C. Odom was 26.

Asteroid Comes Pretty Darn Close to Earth

It wasn't a "Deep Impact," or "Armageddon," but asteroid 2009 DD45 came pretty darn close to Earth on Monday.

The asteroid was approximately 40 yards across, and it was only twice the distance from Earth than most of our geostationary communications satellites.

The asteroid wasn't even known of before last Friday, when Robert McNaught of the Australian National University spotted it. The asteroid came within 38,000 miles of Earth at 13:44 Universal Time on Monday. 38,000 miles may seem like a long distance, but in the vast expanse of space, that's a dang near miss.

Now, while movies make a big deal of asteroids hitting the earth, the odds are pretty small, and McNaught noted that if discovered early enough a disaster could be prevented.

McNaught told CNN:

"If discovered in advance and with enough lead time, there is the possibility of pushing it off course, if you have decades of advance warning. If you have only a few days, you can evacuate the area of impact, but there's not a great deal [else] you can do."

Of course, there's always the chance of an asteroid that's large enough to produce an E.L.E., an extinction level event.

By the way, this isn't the closest "near-miss" asteroidal fragment on record. According to the MPC, tiny 2004 FU162 skirted just 4,000 miles from us on March 31, 2004.

This isn't the closest "near-miss" an asteroid has made, however. According to the MPC, 2004 FU162 passed by Earth just 4,000 miles from us on March 31, 2004. Of course, at 20 feet across, it probably would have burned up in the atmosphere.

Meghan McCain and How Her Father's Campaign Killed Her Love Life

Monday, in a blog post at The Daily Beast, John McCain's daughter Meghan McCain gave me way TMI on her love life, and how her father's Presidential campaign killed it.

Meghan McCain is the 24-year-old daughter of John and Cindy McCain. She said that she managed to keep politics out of her love life, but she said that post-election, that's a thing of the past.

Here's some of what Meghan McCain wrote (emphasis mine):

I am not only turned off by people who voted for Barack Obama, but I am also turned off by people that voted for my dad—or more so, obsessive supporters of my dad. Recently, over dinner, a guy started explaining his reasons for supporting President Obama during the election (I didn’t ask, I think the poor guy felt guilty) and I immediately found any attraction I had previously had dissipate. But same thing happens if a guy starts talking about all the reasons why my father should be president. I have the ultimate Catch-22 in post-election dating. So where does that leave me, and who exactly am I attracted to? Let’s just say I’m spending a lot of time writing and even more time with my girlfriends.

Like many people, when I meet a new friend in real life, we also become Facebook friends. And when I friend someone on Facebook (especially someone who is interested in going out on a date), I read their profile to learn more about them. This seems to be where my problems start. Most people list the candidate they supported during the election. Some have joined the group “A Million Strong for Obama.” Some are even part of the group “I have more foreign-policy experience than Sarah Palin.” When I see this type of information I immediately start thinking: How liberal is this person? Do they know I am Republican spawn, against everything that this person believed in during the last election? How important is politics to this person? When I find my father’s face staring back at me on a potential date's Facebook page I am equally put off. I don’t want to see my father’s picture near any picture of a guy I am attracted to, especially if we haven’t even had dinner yet.

Meghan McCain added that she didn't date during the campaign because she was too busy. but now that the campaign is over, she still isn't dating much, because of the above. Her thought:

So to all the fathers out there: If you want your daughters to be single in her 20s, I can say this—run for president.

As a new father, I'm mulling this over ...

Fox Says "24" First Carbon-Neutral Series

Today Fox announced that the hit TV series "24" is the first series to go "carbon-neutral." Here's what I have to say: eh?

According to Fox, the series accomplished this neutrality in the follow ways:

• Replacing incandescent with compact fluorescent lighting.
• Paying the higher fees that help California utilities buy wind and solar power.
• Encouraging staff to turn off all electrical equipment when not in use.
• Using hybrid vehicles.
• Sending scripts, schedules, etc. electronically.
• Using 20 percent biodiesel fuel in trucks and generators.
• Installing motion detectors in bathrooms and kitchens.
• Blowing up less stuff.

All right, all right, they aren't blowing up less stuff. Rather, they are buying carbon offsets to pay for all the things they can't account for otherwise. Probably huge numbers of offsets, as well. And therein lies the problem.

Carbon offsets have been questioned as a way to really, really reach carbon neutrality. The effectiveness of them has never been proven. Additionally, did they add up all the carbon emitted when the cars they blew up were created? And other such items? Doubtful.

But it's worth a try, isn't it? It's something. And also starting today Fox will begin broadcasting PSAs in which the stars of "24" encourage viewers to reduce their own CO2 emissions.