FBI Re-Examining D.B. Cooper Case

Over thirty-six years ago, on November 24, 1971, a hijacker jumped from the back of a Boeing 727 over the Pacific Northwest along with $200,000. That person, D.B. Cooper, has never been seen or heard from since, although small quantities of the money have been recovered.

Today the FBI issued a press release saying they have "re-ignited" the case, thanks to Special Agent Larry Carr (anyone besides me wonder what is "special" about Special Agents?) and DNA.

Above left is a photo of the tie that Cooper was wearing and later discarded. A DNA sample was later obtained from it. To the right above are some of the $20 bills discovered by a young boy in 1990.

According to the press release, there are some important things to remember about the case.

• Cooper was no expert skydiver. “We originally thought Cooper was an experienced jumper, perhaps even a paratrooper,” says Special Agent Carr. “We concluded after a few years this was simply not true. No experienced parachutist would have jumped in the pitch-black night, in the rain, with a 200-mile-an-hour wind in his face, wearing loafers and a trench coat. It was simply too risky. He also missed that his reserve chute was only for training and had been sewn shut—something a skilled skydiver would have checked.”
• The hijacker had no help on the ground, either. To have utilized an accomplice, Cooper would’ve needed to coordinate closely with the flight crew so he could jump at just the right moment and hit the right drop zone. But Cooper simply said, "Fly to Mexico," and he had no idea where he was when he jumped. There was also no visibility of the ground due to cloud cover at 5,000 feet.
• We have a solid physical description of Cooper. “The two flight attendants who spent the most time with him on the plane were interviewed separately the same night in separate cities and gave nearly identical descriptions,” says Carr. “They both said he was about 5'10" to 6', 170 to 180 pounds, in his mid-40s, with brown eyes. People on the ground who came into contact with him also gave very similar descriptions.”

There's more information at the press release linked above. The FBI is asking anyone with information to email them at their Seattle field office at fbise@leo.gov.

Cardboard Police Cut-Outs Used to Deter Speeders

Remember my story about life-sized cardboard cut-outs to deter shoplifters? The city of Neenah, Wisconsin is trying the same thing in an effort to slow down speeders.

The full-color, life-sized cutout shows an officer standing outside his squad car pointing a radar gun at oncoming traffic.

The city is more interested in slowing people down than in issuing tickets. Officer Pam Martin, the city's crime-prevention coordinator said, "Many people slammed on the brakes thinking it was a real cop, It’s all about making people look down at their speedometer and slow down."

The plan is to use the cut-out in high-traffic areas, posting it for two days and then having an officer use a radar gun for a day.

Of course, with this hitting the media ... people might just start figuring things out. I also wonder what happens in windy weather. I also wonder how long it'll be before one is stolen, as with my earlier story.

U.S. Falls to Worst Category in Privacy International Rankings

Privacy International (PI) is a human rights group formed in 1990 as "a watchdog on surveillance and privacy invasions by governments and corporations." It has been doing its global survey on the rankings of privacy protection around the world since 1997.

This year's survey describes "an increasing trend amongst governments to archive data on the geographic, communications and financial records of all their citizens and residents" which leads to the conclusion that "all citizens, regardless of legal status, are under suspicion."

It also describes an "overall worsening of privacy protection across the world, reflecting an increase in surveillance and a declining performance of privacy safeguards."

The lowest ranking countries in the survey continue to be Malaysia, Russia and China. The highest-ranking countries in 2007 are Greece, Romania and Canada.

While Canadian news services crowed about Canada's ranking vs. the United States and the United Kingdom, it should be noted that Canada's ranking moved from "significant safeguards and protections," next to the best category, to "some safeguards but weakened protections," a drop of two categories.

Of course, both the U.S. and U.K. are in the "endemic surveillance societies" category, the worst, and obviously Orwellian in nature. While Malaysia, Russia and China rank at the bottom, they tie at 1.3 (out of 5) while the U.K. is 1.4 and the U.S. is 1.5.

The report also noted that "in terms of statutory protections and privacy enforcement, the U.S. is the worst ranking country in the democratic world."

Greece is top at 3.1 ... once again out of 5, so you can see that privacy protection isn't exactly stellar across the world.

A .PDF version is available here.

Burglar Robs "Wrong House," Leaves Apology

A burglar broke into a house in Forrest City, Arkansas, but apparently had the wrong house, whatever that means. Perhaps feeling some regret, he left a note on a mirror saying, "Sorry, wrong house."

Despite his apparent pang of guilt, and the apparent mistake --- he still took several items. According to police, he took a jar full of quarters and half dollars, a mobile phone and several Christmas gifts from the Christmas tree.

Perhaps he had "cased" a different house and went to the wrong one. At any rate, police are still investigating.

Star Trek Fan Sues Christie's Over "Fake Prop"

A lawsuit has been filed by a Star Trek fan (Trekker) over a poker visor which was supposedly worn by Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation during the poker games which were a recurring scene on the show. The lawsuit filed against Christie's auction house claims the prop is a fake.

Ted Moustakis, of Towaco, N.J., purchased the item for $6,000 in an auction of CBS Paramount Star Trek props in 2006. He also a purchased table that was part of a set for $6,600 and a Data uniform for $11,400.

Moustakis said that when he asked Brent Spiner. the actor who played Data, to autograph the item in August, he was told it was fake.

The lawsuit, filed in state court in Manhattan, demands millions of dollars in punitive damages (of course). A spokesperson for Christie's said the auction house stands behind the authenticity of the item.

While Moustakis noted the table doesn't look like the ones that appeared the show, and the uniform did not appear to be one-of-a-kind, as he believed it to be, Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher) commented in a forum:

There are no "one-of-a-kind" spacesuits for regular cast members, because the studio needed to have several doubles in case one of our costumes got dirty or damaged in some way (I once fell while running to the set, and tore the knee out of my hideous gray suit from Season 2, for example.) We never had just one of anything, unless it was expensive to make, or for a guest star who was appearing in just one show.

This guy also says that Brent told him that the visor he bought wasn't the one Brent wore, because Brent already sold that one years ago. Again, Brent could have been talking about a visor from Best of Both Worlds, and this guy got a visor from All Good Things, or something like that.

It doesn't make sense that CBS would defraud fans the way this guy alleges, and I think it's more likely that this guy has buyer's remorse.

Fake Romney Christmas Card Sent to S.C. Republican Voters

This week many South Carolina Republican voters received Christmas cards purportedly from Mitt Romney. However, the cards, which included passages from the Book of Mormon, were in fact not from Romney.

You can see the first page of the card above, which includes 1 Nephi 11:13 from the Book of Mormon, saying:

"And it came to pass that I looked and beheld the great city of Jerusalem, and also other cities. And I beheld the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white."

You can see that the card puts the words "fair and white" in a bold, large font.

Page 3 of the card says:

"We have now clearly shown that God the Father had a plurality of wives, one or more being in eternity by whom He begat our spirits as well as the spirit of Jesus His first born, and another being upon the earth by whom he begat the tabernacle of Jesus, as his only begotten in this world."

This is a passage from Orson Pratt, cited on that page of the card as an "original member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles." The Quorum was one of the governing bodies of the church hierarchy organized by founder Joseph Smith, Jr.

Page 2 and page 4 are here, and the last page features a photograph of a temple above a box that says "Paid For By The Boston Massachusetts Temple."

Boston Temple President Ken Hutchins said "They have no business using that name or referring to the temple," Hutchins said. "It's a very hurtful thing and creates a misleading impression in peoples' minds." His temple, like the parent Mormon church, stays out of politics.

It's obvious that whoever sent the card was pointing out the differences between the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and other denominations that are prevalent in South Carolina. Mitt Romney's Mormon faith has been a point of contention in his campaign, with many in the U.S. stating they would "never vote for a Mormon."

South Carolina Republican Party Chairman Katon Dawson said he intends to ask the FBI's Elections Fraud Division for a thorough investigation into the matter.

South Carolina's primary is on January 19th.

Lying Hannah Montana Contest Winner Loses Tickets

You'll recall my earlier story about the 6-year-old who won Hannah Montana tickets by writing an essay which falsely claimed her father had died in Iraq. Originally Club Libby Lu said they would let her keep the tickets, but they have since changed their mind, and awarded the tickets to a new winner.

The new winner was not identified.

According to Club Libby Lu chief executive Mary Drolet, "With this decision, we hope to revive the intended spirit of the contest, which was designed to make a little girl's holidays extra special."

While it's unclear if the contest specifically said the essay was to be true, what is clear is the following:

a) Requirement or not, this essay is a slap in the face of those who have lost ones in Iraq or Afghanistan. Any other decision by Club Libby Lu would have been wrong.

b) It's obvious by Drolet's statement above that the company had its heartstrings tugged at by the essay, and this influenced their decision. Since it was a lie, the decision really needed to be voided, as it was.

c) It's likely the mother had something to do with this essay. Patricia Ceballos originally told officials that the girl's father, Army Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, had died in a roadside bombing April 17 in Iraq, which turned out to be untrue.

d) Backing up c) is the statement Ceballos made in an interview on Friday. "We did the essay and that's what we did to win. We did whatever we could do to win."

Glad to see they company changed its mind, as it send the wrong statement to children across the country, but they shouldn't have decided otherwise in the first place.

"Getting Drunk" is Scotland's National Sport: Justice Secretary

Rest assured, he wasn't saying it proudly.

Justice secretary Kenny MacAskill said "Scotland has a huge cultural problem with alcohol. It's never more evident than around Christmas and New Year when getting drunk can feel and look like the national sport."

He added, "We're not saying don't have a drink. I enjoy the occasional pint of beer as much as the next man. But when nearly half of those accused of murder were drunk when they committed their offense, when one Scot dies every six hours from alcohol abuse, when alcohol costs our economy tens of millions, it's time to say enough is enough."

This comes as the government plans to publish a long-term plan to change attitudes regarding alcohol next year. It includes a ban on "three for two" or other promotional liquor offers. The government has already raised the cost of liquor licenses by up to 40%.

Kind of explains why the government would pay for in-game ads in an attempt to reduce drunk driving, doesn't it? It might also explain the Scottish game of shinty, which many say is related to hurling.

Police Let Driver with .18 BAC Off-Hook Because of His "Position in the Community"

What? A police officer in Fishers, Indiana pulled over a suspected drunk driver, but despite him registering a BAC of .18 and failing all sobriety tests, he didn't arrest him. Why? His position in the community.

Around 1 a.m. Saturday morning, Fishers police officer Kevin Kobli pulled over Fishers High School Principal Scott Syverson for allegedly driving drunk. Rather than take him to jail, however, Kobli drove him home.

Fishers police admit Syverson didn't go to jail because of the position he holds in the community, but they also say the Kobli did not break the law. However, they are going to review their policies.

"Those supervisors told him to use his discretion. So he was not told to arrest or not to arrest," said Sgt. Jerry Hepp of the Fishers Police Dept.

Yeah, yeah. It's bad enough when someone like Paris Hilton gets special treatment, but the principal of a high school? Give me a break. Rather than letting him off the hook because of his position, he should be held to a higher standard. What sort of example does this set for the teens in his school?

At any rate, it's still possible that charges could be filed by the DA. Let's hope so. Drunk drivers shouldn't be let off lightly, as Ken Rossignol would agree.

BTW, here's a video report that includes dashcam footage.

Girl Wins Hannah Montana Tickets with Essay About Dad Dying in Iraq. Too Bad It Was a Lie.

Teens, tweens and kids will do anything to see Hannah Montana, including lying about their fathers dying in Iraq, it appears.

A six-year-old Garland, TX girl won Hannah Montana concert tickets with an essay that started, "My daddy died this year in Iraq ..." However, her mother has admitted that the story was in fact false.

The contest was run by Club Libby Lu, a store that, according to their site, aims "to create special memories by encouraging tween girls to express their imaginations and individuality. Club Libby Lu offers products and experiences that promote a unique shopping experience that makes every girl feel special."

The contest was the "Hannah Montana Rock Your Holidays Essay Contest." First prize was the trip to see Miley Cyrus in concert as Hannah Montana.

Club Libby Lu still plans to give the prize to the girl. It includes airfare for four to Albany, NY, as well as four tickets to the sold-out Jan. 9 Hannah Montana concert.

"We told a 6-year-old today that she was going to see Hannah Montana, and we're not going to renege on that," said Robyn Caulfield, spokesperson for the store.

But by doing so, aren't they in effect condoning lying? What sort of an example is that for children? Personally I feel this is the wrong decision. Readers?

Additionally, it's unclear who came up with the idea for the lie, as the mother apparently went along with it at first. While company officials did no background checks on the entries, the girl's mother, Patricia Ceballos told company officials that the girl's father, Army Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, had died in a roadside bombing April 17 in Iraq.

However, DoD records show that no one by the name Jonathon Menjivar has died in Iraq.

The full text of the essay is:

"My daddy died this year in Iraq. I am going to give mommy the Angel pendant that daddy put on mommy when she was having me. I had it in my jewelry box since that day. I love my mommy."

10-Year-Old Girl Receives Video MP3 Player Loaded with Porn for Christmas

Well, if I had to get a screwed-up Christmas present, would I prefer a PS3 box with a phone book inside or a video MP3 player with porn pre-loaded? Hmmm.

In Cookeville, Tennessee, Daryl Hill wants to know how the Sparta, Tennessee Wal-Mart sold the MP3 player as new, which violates Wal-Mart's policy: returned items are not supposed to be put back on the sales floor.

The Hills had bought three MP3 players for their children but one of the MP3 players (pictured) had been obviously returned to the store --- it was loaded with sex clips, graphic war scenes and songs with lyrics about drug use.

While Wal-Mart offered to replace the player, the Hills declined, and have already purchased a new player for their daughter. As Hill said:

"I don't ... I don't really know that they could ... could satisfy me. The only thing that they could do to get this hurt away would be to take the thoughts and images out of my daughter's head."

Hill is hanging onto the MP3 player until he speaks with a lawyer. From the quote above, and that fact, can you say: lawsuit?

SF Zoo Website Expresses Condolences; Awkward Mission Statement Remains

While the investigation into the Christmas Eve tiger mauling continues, the San Francisco Zoo has updated their website with a message of condolence as well as a note indicating that they will most likely re-open on Saturday Dec. 29th.

At the same time, however, it appears they need to update other parts of the website, such as their Mission Statement:

At the San Francisco Zoo, it's our mission to connect people with wildlife, inspire caring for nature and advance conservation action.

Emphasis theirs, BTW.

Meanwhile, there are no major developments in the investigation as yet. As it is raining in the San Francisco Bay Area, some important forensic evidence may have washed away.

It has come to light that when the victim, Carlos Sousa Jr. didn't show up for Christmas dinner, his father called several of his son's friends - including the two brothers injured in the tiger attack that killed the teen - who lied to the father about the teen's whereabouts.

The Dhaliwal brothers, Kulbil and Amritpal, remained in stable condition Thursday. However, reports are that the brothers have been uncooperative in the investigation. What is there to hide, unless the suspicions over taunting the tiger are true?

At the same time, Leo Ferreira, Sousa's 21-year-old half brother, said he did not believe his brother would have taunted the tiger.

Idaho Spuds Cause Boise Fire Station Blaze

The word ironic is the only one that fits this incident. Firefighters at Station 8 in Boise, Idaho are likely to be ribbed for quite some time, as they were forced to turn their hoses on their own kitchen after returning from a medical call.

An overheated pan full of Tater Tots apparently melted and set some cabinets ablaze. The Christmas Eve blaze was quickly put out.

However, investigators are investigating why a computerized safety system that automatically turns off appliances when firefighters are away had not been activated. The Assistant Fire Chief said it possible the three firefighters on duty might have forgotten to use it.

Bhutto: "Musharraf Responsible in the Event of My Death"

In an October email to her U.S. spokesman, Mark Siegel, Benazir Bhutto cast blame on her future assassination, saying that in the event of her death, she would consider Pakistan's leader, Pervez Musharraf responsible.

Thursday on The Situation Room, Wolf Blitzer said that he knew about the email two months ago, but was asked to withhold the story and tell it only in the event of her death. According to Blitzer and Siegel, who appeared on the show, the text of the email, which Siegel forwarded to Blitzer the same day he received it, was:

"Nothing will, God willing, happen. Just wanted you to know, if it does, in addition to the names in my letter to Musharraf of October 16, I would hold Musharraf responsible. I have been made to feel insecure by his minions. And there is no way what is happening, in terms of stopping me from taking private cars or using tinted windows or giving jammers or four police mobiles to cover all sides, could happen without him."

As Siegel said,

"She got some police protection, but it was sporadic and erratic. She did not get the jammers that were necessary for the IEDs. She did not get the protection that she thought was necessary.

And she became increasingly concerned that this was not getting any better, but actually getting worse, as she toured the country in preparation for the January 8 election, which she thought was basically rigged from the top down and the bottom up. But she was going to fight the fight, because she was willing to sacrifice everything for the cause of democracy in Pakistan, and has been for most of her life."

Pakistan's ambassador to United States, Mahmud Ali Durrani, also appearing, rejected the allegations.

"I think the government of Pakistan provided her all the security that was necessary. Now, you tell me, even without jammer or tinted windows, the way she was hit, she would have been hit with tinted windows or without tinted windows, or without the IEDs. No IED was used, no use of tinted windows.

So, it's just a blame game. And the problem with this blame game, to my fear, is that the real culprits are going to get away. It is the extremists and terrorists that have been after her that have been after Musharraf. It's the same terrorists."

Watch an excerpt from the show. The full transcript of the show can be found here.

Wiping Nose on Police Officer's Uniform = Battery

Georgia Ann Newman of Dunbar, West Virginia, has been charged with battery on a police officer after she wiped her nose on his uniform following her arrest.

Cpl. S.E. Elliott arrested the 36-year-old after she slapped, bit, and spat at a man on Dec. 21st. Elliott said the woman wiped her nose on him as he led her into the police station for booking.

The original charge was to be domestic battery; now add to it battery on a police officer, which is defined as "intentionally making physical contact of an insulting or provoking nature with an officer."

Did Victims Play a Role in Tiger Escape?

Conflicting reports have led to questions about the tragic mauling death of 17-year-old Carlos Sousa Jr. by a tiger on Christmas Day.

While San Francisco Zoo officials have admitted the retaining wall around the tiger enclosure is in fact lower than the recommended height by the Association of Zoos & Aquariums, SF Police are investigating if taunting and even "dangling" by the victims may have played a role in the attack.

A report by the SF Chronicle said:

The minimal evidence found at the scene included a shoe and blood in an area between the gate and the edge of the 25- to 30-foot-wide moat, raising questions about what role, if any, the victims might have had in accidentally helping the animal escape.

and

Police sources said a footprint had been found on a metal fence, suggesting that someone had climbed the fence to get closer to the big cats. Authorities were looking into whether the tiger escaped by latching on to a leg or body part.

Zoo director Manuel Mollinedo said it was also likely that the animal was provoked.

"Somebody created a situation that really agitated her and gave her some sort of a method to break out," Mollinedo said. "There is no possible way the cat could have made it out of there in a single leap. I would surmise that there was help.

"A couple of feet dangling over the edge could possibly have done it."

Meanwhile, later in the day SF Police Chief Heather Fong discounted the report:

"We are analyzing the shoe print with the shoes we have recovered," she said. "We have no information to tell us at this point that they (the victims) did or did not go over the fence."

"There was no shoe found in the grotto (the enclosure) or in the foliage…Two victims had their shoes on…One victim -- the victim who was attacked at the Terrace Café -- had one off his shoes off but it was next to his person."

Additionally, the information that the retaining wall was lower than the recommended height: 12.5' rather than the 18' originally thought and the 16.4' recommended could explain things. On the other hand, the width of the retaining moat was 33' rather than the 20' recommended, so it still seems like an incredible leap.

Even Jack Hanna, former director of the Columbus Zoo and TV personality who frequently brings animals to late-night talk shows, said such a leap would be an unbelievable feat and "virtually impossible."

The best evidence will come from the 19- and 23-year-old survivors, but also through forensic evidence. However, don't let C.S.I.'s frequent examples of imagined technology such as zooming in on a retinal image fool you: it's not going to be easy.

Marijuana May Inhibit Invasive Cancer Cell Growth

To be precise, according to a study published online December 25 in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute, the marijuana compounds THC and methanandamide (MA) may prove to be useful in the inhibition of certain fast-growing, invasive types of cancer.

It's common knowledge that marijuana is often used to reduce the symptoms of cancer and other debilitating disesase, such as nausea and pain, but recent studies have shown possible anticancer effects for cannabinoids, chemical compounds derived from marijuana.

In this study, Robert Ramer, PhD, and Burkhard Hinz, PhD, of the University of Rostock, Germany showed that in "test tube" conditions, THC and MA would inhibit invasive cervical and lung cancer cells, even at very low concentrations.

"Cannabinoids' ... potential therapeutic benefit in the treatment of highly invasive cancers should be addressed in clinical trials," said the researchers.

No, this doesn't mean you should start smoking pot as a preventative measure, BTW.

Charges Dropped Against "Steak Knife Girl"

You'll recall the incident at Sunrise Elementary School in Florida in mid-December. A 10-year-old girl brought a 4 1/2-inch-long steak knife to school ... to cut a steak. I understand, particularly with all that happens in schools today, that they might take it away and send her home with a warning, but I can't understand a felony charge if she was just cutting a steak with it.

That was what the girl (unidentified, due to her age) was facing. However, using a bit of common sense, after reviewing her school record and interviewing her, investigators with the Department of Juvenile Justice recommended she not be prosecuted. The State Attorney's office agreed.

She was, however, suspended for school for three days. Speaking of common sense: in this day and age, bringing a knife to school to cut steak: a bad idea.

Bush Tops "Most Admired" Poll

In this year's annual Gallup Poll of the "most admired" men and women, George W. Bush and Hillary Clinton topped the lists.

This is the 7th time for Bush and the 12th time for Clinton.

Bush topped the list with only 10%. And it wasn't a landslide either. Following him were: Bill Clinton 8%, Al Gore 6%, Barack Obama 5%, the Rev. Billy Graham 3%, Nelson Mandela 3%, and at 2%, George H.W. Bush, Bill Gates, Pope Benedict XVI, and Jimmy Carter. Despite winning, this is the lowest "score" Bush has ever received.

For women, Clinton had 18%, Oprah Winfrey 16%, Condoleezza Rice 5%, Angelina Jolie 3%, Laura Bush 3%, Margaret Thatcher 2%, Benazir Bhutto 2%, and tied at 1%, Nancy Pelosi, Maya Angelou, and Queen Elizabeth II.

According to the poll the results have a margin for error of +/-3%.

Considering Bush's approval ratings, you'd wonder how he could win this. The poll, conducted from Dec. 14 - 16 by phone, is very open-ended, which could explain the results.

Being open-ended they don't offer choices, but leave it up to the respondent. And the sitting president has been the "most admired" man every year since 1981, and in 50 out of the 61 times this poll has been taken.

Also, add up the totals of the top 10: among men the total is 43%, while among women it's 52%. That means over nearly 50% or more of those surveyed had other choices, many with miniscule percentages. Perhaps even some more admirable than those above, such as Tyler Strasser, the 11-year-old who has collected toys for the needy since he was 3.

At any rate, the poll is for admired, not approved.

Casey Aldridge Not the father of Jamie-Lynn's Baby?

Wow, if this is true, now we know why Casey broke up with her (though this is still under dispute).

Star Magazine claims sources have told them that the father is an older executive on her TV show Zoey 101. According to the source:

“Casey is being paid off to be the family’s fall guy while the real father remains unidentified. The man many suspect is the father, however, would face charges and probably prison time if he were to come forward and admit he had sex with her."

Well, yeah. It would be statutory rape in that case. This is just another example of just how screwed-up this entire family is, despite anything Dr. Phil thinks.

Other quotes from the Star article include:

“With everything that has gone on in her family, she needed someone to look up to. But the man she found seems to have completely taken advantage of her.”

and

"Some of us have doubts as to the legitimacy of the claim that Casey is the father. Before the news of the pregnancy, how often did you see them together? Jamie Lynn has dated Casey on and off over the past two years. But it was not steady. In fact, she was looking to date Kevin Federline’s brother about a year ago. Jamie Lynn went through a time of partying, and Casey was just a part of that."

K-Fed's brother? Keeping the mistakes in the family?

While quite a few people think that Nickelodeon will be forced to drop Spears' Zoey 101 show, I just saw an ad for the cliffhanger movie that's supposed to air right after the New Year. Pretty timely, eh?

Will Smith Fires Back, Did Not Say Hitler Was Good

Over the weekend, dozens of celebrity gossip web sites posted articles about Will Smith, with many saying that Smith believed that Hitler was a "good" person. Others said that Smith believed everyone had "good in them," including Hitler. Smith fired back over those claims.

What Smith said was:

"Even Hitler didn't wake up going, 'let me do the most evil thing I can do today'. I think he woke up in the morning and using a twisted, backwards logic, he set out to do what he thought was 'good'. Stuff like that just needs reprogramming."

Sounds to me like he's saying Hitler was brain-damaged, that sort of thing. However, I suppose he could have been a bit more vehement in his opinion of Hitler. But what caused the furor was the author of the article, who preceded that paragraph with:

Remarkably, Will believes everyone is basically good.

Where did that come from? Nothing Will said in the article should bring about that conclusion, particularly about Hitler. It's also interesting that if you look at the original article, it's hard to see what the question was that the author asked Smith. I mean, how did that comment come about? All that is important context.

In a statement provided by his publicist on Monday, Smith said:

"It is an awful and disgusting lie. It speaks to the dangerous power of an ignorant person with a pen. I am incensed and infuriated to have to respond to such ludicrous misinterpretation. Adolf Hitler was a vile, heinous vicious killer responsible for one of the greatest acts of evil committed on this planet."

Police Graduating Class Pledges to "Cause PTSD"

How would you feel knowing your police force wants to go out and cause trauma? Graduating classes of Idaho's Police Officer Standards and Training (POST) Academy get to write their own slogan. In this case, class #156's slogan is "Don't Suffer from PTSD, Go Out and Cause It."

For those who don't know, PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is "an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened." Many of our soldiers coming home from Iraq and Afghanistan suffer from this.

So is this something we want our police officers to advertise as their modus operandi?

Unfortunately, until this incident, officials at POST didn't review slogans before programs were printed, and thus it wasn't noticed until just before the ceremony was to begin on Dec. 14th. Officials said a new policy would be put into place to prevent this from happening again.

"That's not something we encourage or condone," said Jeff Black, executive director of the POST Academy. "It shouldn't have been in there – it was inappropriate. "

The latest class, which included officers bound for 19 police agencies around the state, selected the quote from retired Army Lt. Col. David Grossman. "Our class president was ex-military," Black said. "It slipped in."

Of course not everyone a policeman deals with is a criminal. Those stopped or questioned by police are usually innocent. If the police view all they meet as their enemy that they need to traumatize so as to produce PTSD ... well, that's hardly the right attitude.

And the community who hears this sort of tale? They're less likely to trust and cooperate with police as well.

What do you readers think? A violent criminal is one thing, but people police deal with in general - that's another.

Dude, Jesus Hangs 10 in Action Figure Line

Jesus the Surfer. Jesus the Biker. Jesus the Bull Rider (?). And more.

This is the new line of Jesus "action" figures from Fishermen, Inc. Each comes with a crown of thorns, and each has a different message, which you can see as you pan across the home page above. They are as follows:

• Bull Rider: Strength
• Quaterback: Faith
• Biker: Freedom
• Soccer Star: Victory
• Panhandler: Hope
• Surfer: Spirit
• Skateboarder: Youth
• Rock Climber: Life
  

Click the surfer dude above to see most of the line (the rock climber and skateboarder wouldn't fit on his home page). Price varies from $20 - $30.

According to the founder, Eric Dyson, in a message available on his site (but not linkable), the death of his father led him to soulsearching, and God told him "I am always with you," to break through his despondency.

With this message, he says, came a vision of Jesus on a motorcycle riding across the open roads of America. Thus he decided to create this line of figures.

The figures are available at Christian retail stores, but it's apparent from the "Coming Soon" message when you click "Buy Now" at the site, they will soon be available online as well.

Prankster Sends Christmas Cards from Beyond the Grave

Chet Fitch was known as a prankster, and even death couldn't stop him from getting one last joke in.

Fitch passed away in October at the age of 88 but recently hand-written Christmas cards from him began showing up in mailboxes - return address "Heaven."

The cards read:

"I asked Big Guy if I could sneak back and send some cards. At first he said no; but at my insistence he finally said, 'Oh well, what the heaven, go ahead but don't (tarry) there.' Wish I could tell you about things here but words cannot explain.

"Better get back as Big Guy said he stretched a point to let me in the first time, so I had better not press my luck. I'll probably be seeing you (some sooner than you think). Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

Chet Fitch"

Fitch had the plan in place for 20 years. Patty Dean, his barber, was to mail the cards in the event of his death. Fitch kept updating a list of recipients as well as a postage fund for her as rates went up. This fall, she said, Fitch looked up to her from the chair, saying,

"You must be getting tired of waiting to mail those cards. I think you'll probably be able to mail them this year."

Fitch was dead within a week. While the joke itself is hilarious, that last remark is poignant.

Should Santa should live in Kyrgyzstan?

It's already too late for this year, but Kyrgyzstan is campaigning to become next year's new home for Santa Claus. After all, according to a press release issued by engineering consultants at Stockholm-based Sweco, Kyrgystan is the ideal delivery hub for Santa.

According to the press release:

One of SWECO's areas of expertise is the use of geographic information and maps, for example to plan transports in an optimal manner. In order to calculate Santa's ideal route, they have also studied where children live, the Earth's rotation and various demographic data to find our planet's demographic centerpoint.

Upon hearing this, officials in Kyrgyzstan started the campaign, naming a mountain peak after Santa, to join Mounts Lenin, and Yeltsin. They also declared 2008 "The Year of Santa Claus."

Interestingly, Kyrgyzstan is predominantly Muslim. While many, including myself, believe Christmas has become more consumption and consumer-based than anything else, people like Mike Huckabee would strongly disagree. I wonder what they would think of this.

On the other hand, since global warming is rapidly melting the polar ice at the North Pole, Santa's gonna need a new location someday.

Pigeon Poop Pile Proves Perilous

It's disgusting enough to think about stepping in pigeon poop, but Shelton Stewart suffered two broken bones in his neck, one broken bone in his back, herniated disks and a bruise to his spinal cord in a Sept. 21, 1998 fall down a flight of subway stairs.

Stewart, now 56, sued the New York City Transit Authority, and a jury awarded Stewart $7.67 million in damages, the New York Post reported Monday. However, Stewart will only receive 80% of the sum, or $6.13 million, since he was found 20% liable for failing to avoid the pile, as he said he had noticed the pile on his way to work that same day.

How they determined that exact percentage, however, I have no idea.

Stewart, spent five years re-learning how to stand, walk, dress himself and other routine activities after the fall. The New York Transit Authority will appeal the verdict, according to Stewart's lawyer.

John Kerry Threatens Hearings Over Patriots' Final Game

It's no secret that the New England Patriots are on the verge of the second undefeated regular season in NFL history, and the first since the season was expanded to 16 games. However, the final game, unfortunately for many, is going to be broadcast on the NFL Network, not on NBC. John Kerry thinks that's wrong, particularly for his constituents, and he has threatened NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell with Senate hearings if the broadcast isn't moved.

The NFL Network only services 35 million households and there is an ongoing dispute between the NFL and cable operators over the way the network is broadcast. The NFL wants the network on the basic tier, available to more people, while most cable operators want it on a sports tier.

Kerry has offered to broker a deal between the two sides, but so far nothing has happened. In a letter sent Monday to Goddell, and released by Kerry's office, Kerry said, in part:

For a game of this significance to be used as a bargaining chip or point of leverage between corporations locked in a dispute would say a great deal about the esteem in which America’s football fans are held by the big interests. Under the unfortunate circumstance that this matter remains unresolved, leaving 60 percent of households across the country - including thousands in Massachusetts - without access to Saturday’s game, I will ask the Senate Commerce Committee to hold hearings on how the emergence of premium sports channels are impacting the consumer, and I will consider what legislative measures may be necessary to ensure that consumers are more than bystanders in this process.

I hope very much to see a satisfactory solution achieved. I’ve offered - and my offer stands - to convene a meeting of all parties with the goal of reaching an 11th hour solution. I hope it is not too late to get something done for fans everywhere. Thank you for consideration of this request.

Here's what I have to say: thank you, Sen. Kerry for tackling (pun intended) the big issues. While I agree it's a big game, that's what it is, a game. It's a sporting event. We have a lot bigger issues to deal with, from Iraq to global warming to health care ... this is should be one of the smaller issues on people's minds.

On the other hand, it's true that other senators, such as Patrick Leahy (D-VT) and Arlen Specter (R-PA) have threatened similar measures, even to the point of re-addressing the NFL's antitrust exemption.

What's going to happen? Ordinarily, with only a few days left to go, I would say: nothing. But with all this publicity, who knows? Still, all the ads are sold, everything is already set, I can't see it happening. I'll say this: it's gotta be good PR for Kerry with his constituents.

Dr. Phil: "Lynne Spears is a Great Parent"

To many clinical psychologists, the "treatment" Dr. Phil gives on his show is superfluous, and his topics have become sensationalistic, such that his show is really no different than any other daytime talk show. This will only go to cement that opinion.

Despite Jamie-Lynn's recently-announced pregnancy and Britney's almost-nightly antics, Dr. Phil says that Lynne Spears is a "great parent."

As he said to People magazine,

"We know the Spears family, particularly the parents. An asset that Britney and Jamie Lynn both have is a great and dedicated mother."

His wife Robin appears to agree with him, saying:

"They're a very strong, close-knit family. They're relying on each other. I talked to Lynne yesterday and she said they're turning to prayer, asked that I pray for them. That's how they're going to get through it."

Right. Well, she's likely praying her book isn't cancelled instead of just delayed. But anyway, my thought is: this guy gets millions for dispensing advice on TV?

Stolen Car Ticketed 29 Times; Police Fail to Notice

Here's a story bound to cement the image of San Francisco --- or maybe just bureaucracy overall. Michelle Vuckovich's stolen Honda Civic was ticketed 29 times, despite being reported as stolen in September --- and yet she had to find it for the police.

The story begins on Sept. 26, when Vuckovich, who lives in South San Francisco (note to non-locals, a totally different city), discovered her 2000 Civic had been stolen. As you would expect, it was reported to the police, who put the license plate on the statewide database.

Apparently SF must not subscribe to that database.

The first ticket, which arrived a few weeks later was written just hours after she had reported it stolen. Understandable that it wasn't noticed, right? But then a second ticket on 21st Avenue in SF - this one issued the day after the car was reported stolen, and after it had been put on the database. Huh?

More and more tickets, 29 in all.

She then decided to check into things herself. Calling the police, she spoke to an officer who couldn't understand why parking officers hadn't run the license plate. So Vuckovich called the Department of Parking and Traffic to ask for herself. The person she spoke to there was just as mystified (more on this later).

Deciding she was sick of it, Vukovich and friend drove around in SF, trying to triangulate on the car based on the prior tickets. It took them hours, but they found it, at the intersection of Folsom Street and Sixth Street. At this point it had been one month since it had been stolen.

After calling the police, they waited. And waited. The nearest station was about 2 blocks away, but it took an hour. The officers promptly filled out necessary paperwork and gave her the car back.

As to why the car hadn't been "noticed" before: Parking and Traffic spokesperson Alan Siegel said that parking control didn't realize the car was stolen because their hand-held ticketing devices store auto theft information only from San Francisco's database.

"A stack of tickets at the same location would pique their interest, and they can check that," he said. "But it would be impossible to do for every ticket, given the volume."

Wait, a stack of tickets? Isn't 29 a stack of tickets? The moral to the story is if your car is stolen outside of SF, and you start to see it ticketed in SF, don't rely on SF's parking department. You'd better start working on your own investigation.

Rampaging Santas Lay Waste to New Zealand Cinema

Yes, you read that right. A gang of about 50 drunken Santas invaded a New Zealand cinema complex this weekend.

It's believed the Santas were a group of university students dressed in Santa suits. They ran amok for through Hoyts Cinema complex in the South Island city of Christchurch on Saturday.

The Santas molested customers, yelled obscenities, ripped down posters and participated in other decidedly "naughty" activities. Unfortunately, despite camera footage, none of the Santas can be identified (beards, hats, etc., you know).

Personally, if security had just grabbed one of them, they probably would have been able to eventually arrest them all.

And people wonder why I say the human race is going downhill.

Well, at least the rampage wasn't like in that old (and bad) movie, Silent Night, Deadly Night. Yes, I know they are remaking it with release expected in 2008.

Baby Jesus Figures Replaced by Severed Pigs Heads

Look, no matter what you think about religion, Christmas, or what have you, this is just plain sick. In Eugene, Oregon, two separate families had their Nativity scenes vandalized when the figures of the infant Jesus were replaced by severed pigs heads.

"It was disgusting," said Shannon Cooper. "We can't even understand where a person would come up with an idea like that." Just down the street, Elmira Street in Northwest Eugune, David Stahl's family found the same vandalism. "It just makes you sick. it's beyond disgusting," he said.

The Coopers put in a new Jesus figure, but the Stahls took their display down completely.

Because other, more secular decorations were untouched, police are considering categorizing the crimes as hate crimes, which would carry anything from five years in prison to three years of probation.

Clinton's Campaign Cards Urge Iowans to Caucuses - 11 Days Too Late

Hillary Clinton and her campaign staff spent a lot of money on campaign cards to urge Iowa voters to the caucuses, but a misprint may end up shooting her in the foot.

At a rally on Saturday, campaign workers asked supporters to sign and mail cards that said "Yes! I'm an Iowan for Hillary" with their contact information as well as other supportive friends. Problem is, in the upper right-hand corner of the card, it says "I, _____, pledge to support Hillary Clinton at my precinct caucus on January 14, 2008."

Ha, ha. My guess is these were old cards that were printed before the Iowa Democrats settled on Jan. 3 as the date for the caucuses.

At a later rally that same day, the same cards were handed out, but they had the Jan. 14 date crossed out and Jan. 3 written in. Click the image above to get a larger look.

Deaf People Demand Right for "Designer" Deaf Children

We're rapidly approaching Gattaca, if anyone remembers that film, in which your place in society was determined by your genetics.

Jackie Ballard, CEO of the Royal National Institute for Deaf and Hard of Hearing People (RNID), says that deaf couples should have the right to screen their embryos so that if they desire, they can pick a deaf child over a hearing one.

Arguments have been made that many physically challenged people do not seem themselves as defective, but as unique, and that is why they would like the opportunity to have a deaf child. Additionally, some say, by labeling such a choice as selecting a "defective" embryo, society is making a statement its true feelings about its disabled members.

This is a touchy subject. Go one way, removal of imperfections, and you start talking about eugenics. Go the other way, and you have to tread lightly to avoid offending people.

While it's clear, and studies have shown the difficulties involved in raising a hearing child in a deaf household, what gives us the right to play God? Isn't part of having a child wondering how they will turn out? And how would doctors, having taken the Hippocratic Oath, feel about this?

Professor Gedis Grudzinskas, medical director of the Bridge Centre, a clinic in London that screens embyros, said:

"This would be an abuse of medical technology. Deafness is not the normal state, it is a disability. To deliberately create a deaf embryo would be contrary to the ethos of our society."

There is IVF for the sake of those who cannot conceive in any other fashion, but in this case they would be using IVF to try to tailor their baby. That comes too way close to Gattaca for my taste. How do you readers feel?

Britney and Her Camera-Smashing Tirade

Another night with Britney Spears, another fiasco. In this case Britney stopped her car, jumped out and decided to stand in the street to take a picture of a roadside mural. Surrounded by paparazzi, she said "I'm just like you" while trying to get a picture. Of course, she couldn't take the picture because there were too many photogs around, so she got ticked off, swore at them and drove off.

As she left, though, it looks like she hit her camera against a nearby car, on purpose. Both vandalism and stupid, as she had to return later to find her memory card, which probably had something on it she didn't want anyone else (like us) to see.

Someone found and and kindly (though perhaps, stupidly) gave it to her.

That's when things got really crazy. She got into a car with a photog (?) and ended up, pink wig and short dress and all, at the Peninsula Hotel with him. Later he came out, was immediately surrounded by paparazzi, and declared that he was just going to get some cigarettes! Hah! Does that imply what we think it implies?

While it's true that maybe the photogs should get out of her way so she can snap her picture, her behavior --- standing in the middle of the street --- just emphasizes the fact that she thinks she's better than everyone else. Let's not forget about her parking in a handicapped space just a couple of days ago.

Britney, you are a train wreck. Why the judge hasn't taken your kids away from you permanently is beyond me.

Watch the video:

Adolf the Hitler-Saluting Dog Awaits a New Owner

The use of Nazi symbols, slogans or gestures is banned in Germany. This is why Adolf, a German Shepherd mix who can do a Nazi salute, is looking for a new home.

It all started in 2003 when Adolf's owner, IDed only as Roland T., had Adolf show the trick to police. Why he did this, I have no idea, although Roland T. did receive brain damage in a 1995 accident.

However, Roland T. is a repeat offender, openly displaying Nazi symbols, wearing Hitler T-shirts, and giving Nazi salutes, and the court is past leniency. He is has been sentenced with five months in prison.

Thus Adolf, now renamed Adi, was returned to the Berlin Animal Shelter where Roland T. first acquired him eight years ago. Since originally Roland T. had intended to have the dog put down on April 30, 2008, the anniversary of Hitler's death, this is actually a kindness.

Berlin Animal Shelter spokeswoman Evamarie König said "We hope that he will get a new home where he will have no fear of being put down." But she also said that Adi doesn't do a true Nazi salute.

"He doesn't make the Hitler salute," she said. "He just lifts his paw like any other dog. It's anatomically impossible for a dog to lift its paw that far." Hmm. If you ask me, based on the picture above, it's a lot higher than my dog lifts his paw for a shake, but anyway.

How did the Hitler aspect come in? Roland T. trained him to raise his paw to "Heil Hitler."

Here's hoping the dog finds a good home; he's not to blame in this mess.

Britney Goes for Another Screwed-Up Joyride --- This Time with Her Trunk Open

In her latest case of bad driving, Britney Spears headed over to the drugstore to buy "some stuff for her baby." Of course, she drove the entire way with her trunk wiiiiiide-open ... and we mean wide-open. How does this person manage to keep a driver's license?

All I saw her buy was a large stuffed horse. Certainly something she could have waited until the next day to buy.

Of course, maybe she went in the middle of the night so it would be easier for her to use the handicapped space --- which she did.

Watch the video:

Conservative Magazine Depicts Giuliani in Fascist Garb

This is the cover from the January 2008 American Conservative magazine. Yep, that's Rudy Giuliani depicted in Fascist garb (click the image to enlarge).

Pretty interesting that a conservative magazine would do this. However, the magazine has devoted the issue to pretty much anti-Giuliani articles, including:

Declaring Forever War: Giuliani chose the most hawkish team of foreign-policy advisors possible. His election would ensure neoconservative hegemony for years to come.

GOP Loses Its Life: Nominating a social liberal would splinter a coalition that has been dominant in American politics for a quarter of a century.

Authoritarian Temptation: In an age of expansive executive power, the take-no-prisoners style that made Giuliani a respected mayor might be taken literally.

Huckabee and the "Subliminal" Cross

Mike Huckabee makes no secret of the fact that he is an ordained Southern Baptist minister; in fact, he trumpets it as often as he can, trying to appeal to the right. That said, the appearance --- intentional or not --- of what some call a subliminal cross in his Christmas-themed ad, "What Really Matters," has caused a furor.

It you watch the video (below), you can see what looks like a cross entering the scene from the left. Huckabee says it is a shelf, but it sure as heck comes across as a cross, as many have said. Huckabee goes on to say that we should "remember that what really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ and being with our family and our friends."

Critics of the ad include, surprisingly, Catholic League president Bill Donahue. He said,

"The whole idea is to give the appearance of a cross and this is just injecting religion into politics even too far for guys like me. Every other word out of [Huckabee's] mouth is that 'I'm Christian.' He's calling into question Romney's Mormonism ... let people talk about their faith, but don't sell it on your sleeve. Yeah, I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of religion, but don't become a salesman. Don't hawk it like that on the street."

Watch the video. Subliminal? Heck, it's downright blatant.

Don't get me wrong, all the candidates have Christmas-themed ads this year, and McCain goes Huckabee one better by actually having a cross, rather than trying to slip it in subliminally, but still ... oh, one other thing.

Just like in my earlier post about the boy excluded from a school Christmas party because he was non-religious, let's try to remember: to many, if not most people, Christmas and the holidays is about consumption, buying and receiving gifts, and that's about it. Santa Claus really doesn't have a lot to do with the birth of Christ. And retailers at least, seem to recognize the consumptive nature of the season, based on all their sales!

Rather Than Coal, Santa Delivers the Constitution to Bush for Christmas

You'd think Bush would get coal for being "naughty," but instead, Santa Claus delivered the Constitution to George W. Bush on Thursday --- not one copy, but 37,000+ copies.

Santa, in the form of noted constitutional lawyer Bill Goodman, delivered the copies as part of a campaign by the Center for Constitutional Rights. Over 37,000 people used the online form to request a copy of the Constitution be delivered to Bush for the holidays.

Part of the text of the accompanying message, delivered with the copies of the Constitution, is below:

Dear President Bush:

Enclosed please find a copy of the U.S. Constitution. I wish you'd make some time in your busy schedule to read it.

I would have hoped that you'd be pretty familiar with it already, because you have at least three times in your life taken a solemn oath to uphold, protect and defend it, but all the signs indicate that you either don't know what's in it, or you don't care.

Full text is available at the link above.

When questioned about his reasons for the delivery, Santa said:

"While I was going over the list of who's been naughty and nice, I heard from many people who feel the President hasn't been doing a very good job of upholding his oath to 'preserve, protect and defend' the Constitution.

These Constitutions will make great holiday reading. I want to be sure that the President has plenty of time to look at them before he decides on his New Year's resolutions."

The Center for Constitutional Rights is "dedicated to advancing and protecting the rights guaranteed by the United States Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights."

Santa did not comment on how he managed to bypass security and fit down the chimney.

The Dalai Lama is "Not a Call Girl"

Really? I didn't know that. It's early, but Stephen Harper, Canada's Prime Minister, is in the running for best quote of 2008 (2007's winners have already been announced) with that quote.

China condemns the Dalai Lama as a separatist and presses world leaders to shun him. Thus, when Stephen Harper met the Dalia Lama in his Ottawa office in October, China condemned Harper for "disgusting conduct."

Harper, explaining the meeting, said:

"I met the Dalai Lama in my office but I meet everyone in my office. I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl."

Does this mean Harper meets call girls in hotel rooms and not in his office? That's great news, I'm sure, for those who have to clean his office.

Boy Banned from Christmas Party Because of "Lack of Religious Beliefs"

In Cluny Primary School, in Buckie, Banffshire, a nine-year-old boy was excluded from a Christmas party because earlier in the year his parents had withdrawn him from religious education classes.

The headmaster, Ian Davidson, said the student, Douglas Stewart, could not attend the party because since the youngster had no interest in religion, he could not celebrate the birth of Christ.

His mother, Dawn Riddell said, "I've helped out at the Christmas party before and it's got absolutely nothing to do with Jesus. It's all about the kids getting excited about Santa and enjoying themselves. Douglas was heartbroken that he couldn't go. It was cruel. There was no reason for him to be excluded."

Additionally, Riddell said she contacted the Moray Council's education department, and "spoke to someone at the education department who told me that Christmas parties are non-religious. He said they're a chance for the pupils and staff to mark the end of a year of hard work, and that he would talk to the school."

And I agree. Despite the furor over Christmas trees in airports and things of that nature, Christmas is not about the birth of Christ --- it's about consumption. Kids don't think about Christ, they think about presents.

After the council was contacted, they called the school and prodded Davidson to call and apologize, which he did. My question would be: did the headmaster exclude (if there were any) non-Christian students like Muslims or Buddhists from the party? Or was this all about pettiness?

Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers: $9.95 for Peace of Mind

Yes, this is a genuine product. The company is called Garment Guard, and their products include Garment Guard perspiration protection for your clothes. Their newest product: Subtle Butt.

Each 3.25" square filter has two layers: one made of soft fabric with an antimicrobial treatment, on the side touching the skin. The second layer is activated carbon, which faces the underwear or the pants (for those who go "commando") and has a "vast surface area" for odors to adhere to and get "neutralized." Two adhesive strips hold the Subtle Butt in place.

The price: a mere $9.95 for five pads and peace of mind. Though a "silencer" feature would be a good add-on.

To be honest, I remember seeing a joke commercial on Nickelodeon where they suggested putting a dryer sheet in your pants in case of gas; maybe this company stole / improved on that idea.

BTW, here's a link in case you have a gassy friend you want to email this to.

Even better, the company has produced a video. Some folks at YouTube thought it was a joke, but it's not; it's a real product.

Un-Merry Christmas to Vick, Cheney, From PETA

Rather than giving Michael Vick a lump of coal in his stocking, PETA has decided to immortalize him in his own holiday e-card. Others they have chosen to give the same honor to include:

• Cold-Blooded Colonel Sanders
• Hairy Kate and Trashley: the Olsen Twins
• Pelt Pusher Anna Wintour
• Fur Hag Kate Moss
• Hunter Dick Cheney

Vick paces around a prison yard inside the snow globe, kicking a ball in the air and occasionally being hit on the head with it, to the announcer's comment of "Ooh. That's gonna sting in the morning."

Shake the globe by left-clicking and dragging the mouse and you'll hear sirens and "They got to the quarterback’s blind side there. He never had a chance."

Cheney's is funny too, with Cheney walking around the globe shooting other hunters.

Check out all of them at PETA's site (click image above), and maybe even send one to a friend.

Billionaire Roofer Dies in Roofing Accident

Ken Hendricks, 66, the 91st richest man in America and billionaire CEO of a roofing company, has died in a accident, falling through his home garage's roof.

Hendricks was checking the construction on his garage's roof at his home in Rock, Ill. when he fell through. He suffered massive head injuries and was pronounced dead at Rockford Memorial Hospital in Winnebago County, Ill. early Friday morning.

According to Forbes, Hendricks had a net worth of $3.5 billion in September, making him the country's 91st richest person, according to the magazine's ranking of American billionaires. His company, ABC Supply Co., is the self-described nation's largest wholesale distributor of roofing, and does about $3 billion in business every year.

The company celebrated its 25th anniversary this year, with 6,000 employees in 390 locations nationwide.

Hendricks is survived by his wife Diane and seven children.

Japan Drops Plans to Hunt Humpbacks

Under international pressure, particularly from Australia and the U.S., Japan has dropped its plans to hunt humpback whales during its annual hunting season this year. The plan had been to take 50 humpbacks this year. However, there is the small matter of the other 1,000 whales Japan still plans to hunt.

Despite the pullback on humpbacks, Japan states its position on what it calls "research whaling" is unchanged. What, BTW, is "research whaling?" Although an international moratorium on whaling took effect in 1986, there's a loophole that allows countries to kill whales for research purposes. Japan uses this loophole, but honestly, no one (except Japan) can deny that the whale meat is less for research and more for gourmet dinners.

Japan's Ministry of Foreign Affairs even has a web page devoted to this issue; laughably they argue that whale populations in the 20,000+ range are "by no means endangered." Meanwhile scientists point out that with the slow reproductive cycle of whales, there is no sustainable amount of whaling that can be done.

The statement, by Chief Cabinet Secretary Nobutaka Machimura said,

"The government has decided to suspend hunts of humpback whales while talks to normalize IWC is taking place. But there will no changes to our stance on our research whaling itself."

Greenpeace applauded the news, with caveats. Karli Thomas said,

"This is good news indeed, but it must be the first step towards ending all whaling in the southern ocean, not just one species for one season."

How anyone can consider shooting a whale with an explosive-tipped harpoon as "hunting" rather than slaughter is beyond me.

Opportunism Defined: Nickelodeon to Air Teen Pregnancy Special?

We all know that 16-year-old Jamie-Lynn Spears, younger sister to Britney Spears, has admitted her pregnancy. In what has to be opportunism at its best, Nickelodeon has confirmed it is considering a teen pregnancy special.

A spokesman for Nick has confirmed they are considering the special, and also that they are talking to Linda Ellerbee, who has previously hosted news shows on Nick. "I think it’s important that something be done," said Ellerbee. "But I think it’s important that it be done in a measured way, and not just to feed the beast of news stories."

While a teen pregnancy show would be a good idea, particularly since the revelations over Spears have caused problems for parents, who perceived Jamie-Lynn as a clean-cut, sensible role model on her show Zoey 101, it's also, as I said, pretty opportunistic.

Spears' show has already filmed its fourth and final season, but Nickelodeon has not confirmed whether, with all the fallout, the season will be shown or not.

How the (Chinese) Grinch Stole Christmas (Trees)

In the United States and other countries there have been multiple stories involving political correctness and holiday displays and festivities. Some of them have resulted in the event or item being canceled or removed.

This isn't one of those.

It's in China, and yes, the city of Zhuhai (a city of 1.3 million people in southern China) did have restaurants, malls, grocery stores and other entertainment venues remove trees and other decorations --- but they said it was for safety reasons.

The crackdown on Christmas trees was part of a three-month campaign to boost fire-prevention standards that (curiously) started this week in Zhuhai.

Still, is it about that, or is it because the reality of Christmas is it's more about consumptive behavior and "Western decadence" than anything else? We know that President Hu Jintao isn't exactly happy over the over-commercialization of the holiday.

British Airways Suspends Steward for Eating Leftover Muffin

Look, we waste far too much food anyway --- maybe this guy was just doing his bit to help the environment?

The muffin was left on a passenger's meal tray, and was destined for the trash. However, British Airways (BA) is treating the incident as theft!

According to another employee: "The cabin crew member on a long-haul flight took a muffin destined for the bin." Wow, big crime. On the other hand, if he did it right in front of a passenger that would have really been crass.

Yesterday BA said, "One member of the cabin crew has been suspended on suspicion of theft." However, they tried to backpedal today, saying, "It is half-baked to suggest we are suspending someone over a muffin. It would be inappropriate to comment further at this stage."

I won't comment on the "half-baked" pun inserted by BA.

Lynne Spears Parenting Book Held Up, For Obvious Reasons

With the revelation that her 16-year-old daughter Jamie-Lynn is pregnant, is it any wonder that this book has been delayed?

Lynne Spears' upcoming book, Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, has been, according to publisher Thomas Nelson "delayed indefinitely. It's delayed, not canceled."

Well, at least not canceled yet. Does anyone out there really think that Lynne Spears has much to offer in the way of parenting skills, based on the behavior of Jamie-Lynn and Britney? After all, according to Lynne Spears:

"I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

Of course, you let her live with her boyfriend at her age. This was your baby?

The book's blurb at Amazon.com says:

Lynne Spears was an ordinary mother whose life became extraordinary when the success of her daughter Britney pushed the Spears family onto the worldwide stage. Now, speaking out for the first time in her new memoir, Lynne sets the record straight. In Pop Culture Mom, she reveals a rarely glimpsed view of herself and her family-including celebrity daughters Britney and Jamie Lynn, son Bryan, and ex-husband Jamie.

Let's see how long it takes for "delayed" to become "canceled."

Therapy Dogs to Be Sent to Iraq

My dog scares a lot of people. First, he's half-Pit Bull, which is bad enough for a lot of people, but he's also half-Lab, so he's bigger. However, he's a real sweetheart, and even a certified Therapy Dog (that's him pictured; click to enlarge). Thus, it's great for me to hear that soldiers in Iraq are going to get some certified Therapy Dogs of their own.

Two Black labs, Boe and Budge will be stationed with the Army's combat stress units in the Iraqi towns of Tikrit and Mosul to provide therapy to the troops. The dogs were given to the 85th Medical Detachment by America's VetDogs, a subsidary of the Guide Dog Foundation for the Blind, which provides dogs to veterans.

For those who don't know, Therapy Dogs are used to provide emotional support and comfort to "to people in hospitals, retirement homes, nursing homes, mental institutions, schools, and stressful situations such as disaster areas." I would say Iraq qualifies as a disaster for the U.S.

Major Stacie Caswell, the commander of the 85th, said he plans to leave for Iraq before Christmas.

Let's hope these dogs don't end up on the wrong end of a Blackwater gun.

"Don't Tase Me, Bro" Top Quote of 2007

Shoot, he got his own ringtone, so why wouldn't Andrew Meyer win this. His quote beat out stiff competition for top honors in the list compiled by Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations.

Lauren Upton was a strong, though wordy, runner-up. At the Miss Teen America, representing South Carolina, Upton had been asked why 20% of Americans are unable to locate the United States on a map of the world. Her answer:

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."

She later apologized for being a ditz. Stereotypically, she is blonde.

Others in the top 10:

3) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's October comment at Columbia University in New York: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country."

4) Shock jock Don Imus' comment about the Rutgers University women's basketball team: "That's some nappy-headed hos there."

5) Alberto Gonzales' repeated "I don't recall" response to questioning at a congressional hearing about the firing of U.S. attorneys. No one particular utterance was singled out.

6) Sen. Joseph Biden, speaking at a Democratic presidential debate: "There's only three things he (Republican presidential candidate and former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani) mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11." I have to admit, I loved this one.

7) Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody (Cheney) who has a 9% approval rating."

8) Sen. Larry Craig's explanation of why his foot touched that of an undercover policeman in a men's room: "(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom."

9) Biden again, this time speaking about fellow Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man."

10) Former President Jimmy Carter in an interview in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette newspaper, commenting on the Bush administration: "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history."

Amazingly, no Bushisms.

Global Orgasm Day --- Are You Ready?

Better head down to the nearest pharmacy and get some more Viagra: Global Orgasm Day is rapidly approaching. Time of orgasm synchronization is Saturday, Dec. 22 at 06:08:00 UTC time (the exact moment of the Solstice), which works out to be 10:08 PM Friday night, Dec. 21 PST.

The is the Second Annual, er, event, and the idea, according to the site, is:

To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.

In fact, last year's event focused on the tensions rising between the U.S. and Iran, and this year's event focuses on the same thing, as despite the NIE report, the U.S. continues to escalate the rhetoric.

In addition, the 3 reasons for the Day are given as:

• Peace (natch, from above)
• Gender and Social Justice
• Global Warming (you can't consume resources during the "event," is the thought)

Always ready to help an environmental cause, my wife and I are willing to sacrifice our time and participate. How about you readers?

Jamie-Lynn Spears Pregnant at 16 --- Is She "Brit 2"?

What's that old saying? "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I realize that's really for parents and kids, but still ... All this time, I've been wondering if Jamie-Lynn Spears, Britney's baby sister, would turn out differently from her sister. She's off to a bad start.

Tuesday the cable channel Nickelodeon confirmed that Jamie-Lynn Spears, star of the Nick show Zoey 101, was pregnant. The father is her 19-year-old boyfriend Casey Aldridge.

Fortunately for Nickelodeon, the series' 4th and final season is already "in the can", so there's no worries there. Much as Disney was with Vanessa Hudgens, Nickelodeon was supportive of Spears.

"We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being."

The actress is 12 weeks along and was previously living with Aldridge. She's going to keep the baby.

According to reports, however, what appears to be Casey's MySpace page says that he and Jamie-Lynn are "over" (click image to enlarge).

Considering what's happened to both her and her sister, one has to wonder what's up with this family?

I mean, that's statutory rape in California (a 19-year-old and a 16 year-old), I believe. I certainly wouldn't let my 16-year-old live with someone.

Jamie-Lynn is well on her way to becoming Britney 2.

New Murder "Dogs" Blackwater: the NY Times Baghdad Bureau Dog

We know Blackwater guards already have been promised immunity for the September shootings in Baghdad. Will the ASPCA give them immunity for this?

Staff at the NY Times' Baghdad bureau said Blackwater bodyguards shot the dog, Hentish, dead last week before a visit by a U.S. diplomat to the Times' compound.

According to an email sent to Reuters by Blackwater spokeswoman Anne Tyrrell, Hentish had attacked one of Blackwater's bomb-sniffer dogs while a security team was sweeping the compound for explosives.

"The K-9 handler made several unsuccessful attempts to get the dog to retreat, including placing himself between the dogs. When those efforts failed, the K-9 handler unfortunately was forced to use a pistol to protect the company's K-9 and himself."

State Department investigators have made two follow-up visits to the Times compound to investigate the shooting of Hentish, correspondent Alissa Rubin said. Sounds like they are taking this more seriously than the September shootings, to be honest. Are they afraid of PETA? If they can take down Vick, ...

Note: that's not Hentish above, but I had to tug at your heartstrings somehow, didn't I?

Fix It Fast, Please! Yahoo! Suggests "Two Girls, One Cup" as Related Link

If you haven't seen the video "Two Girls, One Cup," consider yourself lucky. It's not just NSFW (Not Safe for Work), it's so disgusting as to give you nightmares (unless you're really into the fetish it demonstrates, I guess).

When you search for something on Yahoo!, besides the associated results, Yahoo! gives you "related links." If you search for the word "link" you get "Two Girls, One Cup" as a related link --- and it definitely isn't one.

I'd say someone ought to fix this, and fast. If you really want to know about that video, read this Wikipedia entry. I've seen it, after hearing it was "an Internet sensation" (not knowing what it was), and I couldn't get the (ugh!) image outta my mind for days.

Hey, Yahoo!, you oughta fix this and fast.

Update: 3:00PM and looks like it's fixed now. Heh.

Santa Got Shot Down Over Rio

If you remember that song, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer", try singing the subject to the same tune. Almost works if you try hard, eh?

Drug traffickers in a Rio de Janeiro slum opened fire on a helicopter carrying Santa to a children's party. They apparently thought it was a police helicopter. Fortunately the helicopter didn't really get shot down, just hit twice; two bullet holes were found in its fuselage.

The pilot hurridly returned to the aiport; Santa returned later in a car.

Most of Rio de Janeiro's 700+ slums are controlled by drug traffickers. Police, when they dare, go into the slums in military-style raids, often using helicopters and armored vehicles. An honest mistake, right?

Somehow I think these particular drug traffickers will get extra lumps of coal in their stockings on Christmas day.

How to "Drive Someone Insane with Postcards"

What can't you do with eBay? Auction off used porn star breast implants, your pot-smoking son's Guitar Hero III game (for 9K, no less), and now a way to drive someone insane ... with postcards.

The auction is currently at $152.50, and has 5 more days to run. The seller, bsack, will be spending the holidays in a tiny Polish village and is looking for a way to traumatize a complete stranger for you.

Here's how the auction works:

The winner will provide the seller with very detailed personal info on the victim. The seller will then send three postcards written insanely, but with said details (terrifying the victim, of course). Being sent from Poland, the victim will be further confused.

Even stranger, one card will be on an original promotional postcard announcing the 1995 television premiere of Central Park West on CBS. Yes, that masterpiece of TV. Another will be a postcard celebrating Atlanta's hosting of the 1996 summer Olympic games.

As the seller says:

When you decide to end the torment is completely up to you. If you can, I recommend owning up on 1 April 2008 - giving you nearly half a year of joy and a George Clooney-esque level of prankage. If you can't hold it in that long, I totally understand.

While this sounds hilarious, I must admit my wife and I watch too many episodes of Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, Notorious and the like. We'd be absolutely beside ourselves if this happened to us.

It turns out bsack is none other than Brian Sack, who guests often on Glenn Beck's show. As a humorist, it makes sense he would think up something so crazy.

Problem: unlike the Guitar Hero III auction I linked above, Sack has a great rating ... 100% for 82 auctions. But since he just talked about this on Beck's show today, he basically gave it waaaay too much publicity and there's a decent chance your victim may hear about it. Oh, well.

Bush: "We Have Fabulous Health Care in America"

I'm always angered by people like Giuliani who use bogus stats to attack Universal Health Care, or by people like Bush, who, after his speech in Fredericksburg, Virginia on the economy, said:

I’m going to tell you something — we have fabulous health care in America, just so you know. I think it’s very important — before people start griping about the health care system here — and of course there’s always grounds for complaint — just to compare it with other systems around the world.

Yes, and that's the problem. When compared with other systems around the world, we come up short, Bush!

As I indicated in a prior post, every other industrialized nation has some form of Universal Health Care --- and we are at the bottom of the infant mortality statistics because we do not.

Let's also not forget the WHO's report in 2000, called "Health systems: improving performance." As the WHO says,

This report examines and compares aspects of health systems around the world.

This is what Bush was looking for, right? It should say we have stellar performance, right? Wrong.

This report said the United States is ranked 37th, one ahead of Slovenia and only two ahead of Cuba! This is the same report Michael Moore outlined in his movie Sicko, BTW.

As I've said before, every other industrialized nation has some sort of Universal or Single Payer system. Is that because we are right and everyone else is wrong? Doubtful.

As far as Bush's statement goes, of course for people like him (and Cheney) American health care is fabulous. They're rich, so even if they didn't get free health care because of their positions, they'd easily be able to afford any health care they need.

Do you seriously think someone like Cheney with "four heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasty, an implanted defibrillator and an emergency procedure to treat an irregular heartbeat" could get private health insurance?

Let's catch up with the rest of the world and move to Universal Health Care. The only reason not to do it? Contributions from pharmaceutical companies, health care lobbies, doctors who like the status quo and fattening their wallets ... that sort of thing.

For John and Jane Q. Public and the middle-class: it's the way to go.

SF Considers Tax on Sugared Drinks

I hope this doesn't get the "crazy" label applied to San Francisco again. What am I thinking, of course it will.

For environmental reasons, SF has already banned city bottled water purchases --- which I agree with: usually the water is no better than tap water, and the main thing it offers is convenience, which is offset by the huge amount of petroleum used to make the plastic bottles, as well as the wasted bottle which (let's be honest) generally end up in landfills rather than being recycled.

For similar environmental reasons, SF has banned plastic shopping bags.

Now SF is considering taxing sellers of sugary drinks, such as soda. This would be part of mayor Gavin Newsom's new "Shape up San Francisco" program, which started this past summer with a walking program.

Newsom cited a Health Dept. study showing nearly 25% of 5th, 7th and 9th graders in SF are overweight, with soda accounting for 10% of their caloric intake (don't ask me why grades 6 and 8 don't have a problem).

Although the AMA originally backed such a plan in 2006, it backed off it later.

This comes as the State of California is considering adding warning labels to caffeinated drinks.

I personally see no issue with this if retailers are saddled with the tax, but we know it'll be passed along to consumers. Frankly, one need only looking around to see how immense the obesity problem is in America, and the world, for that matter. Personally, although I drink a decent amount of soda, it's always diet, and preferably caffeine-free.

Canadian Scientist Destroys Everything We "Knew" About Santa's Reindeer

Don't you just hate it when scientists overanalyze something, removing all sense of wonder and fantasy? Well, I do. Donna Naughton, a researcher at the Canadian Museum of Nature, has just totally destroyed everything we thought we knew about Santa's reindeer.

For example (particularly if you remember anything about Rudolph and his sleighmates), in storybooks and on TV, Santa's reindeer were all males (at least they seemed to be; check out that old Rudolph TV show linked above). According to Naughton, nope, they had to be female (or cows, as female reindeer, which are simply domesticated caribou are known). Why?

Because all male reindeer shed their antlers by mid-November. Unless someone's wrong in all the depictions of Santa's reindeer (they have antlers), they couldn't be male. Well, I could see that with asexual names like Donner, but Rudolph?

Also, the cows would most likely be pregnant as well, since most female reindeer are pregnant by mid-November (sounds like once the "boys" are done, they drop their "appendages," as above ).

BTW, one more thing: Clement Moore's poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (you know, "Twas the night before Christmas," blah, blah, that one!) says that St. Nick had a "miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer." Typically people think of reindeer as the large brown caribou you've probably seen on nature shows. According to Naughton, if you want "tiny" you'd have to be thinking of the Peary caribou, which have white coats in the winter (pictured above).

Despite this, that same Rudolph TV special had brown-coated reindeer. Dang.

Wasn't it bad enough when they told us Lassie was a boy dog? Don't even get me started on global warming and Frosty.

Romney: Let's Talk About My Mansion Color First, Immigration Later

Sunday on Meet the Press, Tim Russert spent the entire hour with Mitt Romney. One topic that naturally came up was the use of illegal immigrants as landscapers for Mitt Romney's house. Russert quoted the Boston Globe, saying,

As Governor Mitt Romney explores a presidential bid, he has grown outspoken in his criticism of illegal immigration. But, for a decade, the governor has used a landscaping company that relies heavily on workers like these, illegal Guatemalan immigrants, to maintain the grounds surrounding his pink Colonial house.

Russert then asked, "Did you report that company to authorities saying--a year ago--saying they're using illegal immigrants?"

Interestingly, Romney said it was unnecessary, because the story was on the front page of the Boston Globe. Whether or not passing the buck like that is OK, it's amazing that the first thing he actually addressed was the fact that his mansion was not pink.

But I have to clear up the most egregious error in that article. It said my house is pink. I would not have a pink house, I assure you.

Egregious? That's defined as "conspicuously bad or offensive, reprehensible." Wow, I guess he's not secure enough in his masculinity to have a pink mansion (let's be honest: it's not a house; it's a mansion).

Also, I noticed he wasn't wearing a flag pin on his lapel! Based on the huge bruhaha over Barack Obama, we should be slamming Romney shouldn't we?

You can read the full MTP transcript here.

McCain's Favorite Name for Questioners: "Jerk"

You may recall John McCain's musical response in April to a question about possibly bombing Iran; he responded by saying mentioning that "old Beach Boys song", Bomb Iran (really Barbara Ann, of course).

At an event in South Carolina on Saturday, a man reminded McCain of that moment and asked what he will do now that the NIE report has been released which says Iran has shut down its nuclear program.

McCain's response:

"No thanks for reminding me, you jerk. I don't know where the intelligence came from. But, if you are enriching the material then it doesn't take long to make a nuclear weapon. Second, I don't detect a change in Iranians' behavior ... they still pose a threat to our country."

You'll recall in September a New Hampshire high school student, asking McCain about his age if elected, received the following response:

"Every campaign I've ever been on in my entire life, I've outcampaigned all of my opponents. And I'm confident that I will. Thanks for the question, you little jerk. You're drafted."

At least he can laugh off tough questions, but I wonder what he really thinks about those of us who might possibly question his leadership.

Watch the "Bomb Iran" moment here:

Zeffirelli Offers the Pope a Makeover

First I thought this was a joke, but no, it's not. Francisco Zeffirelli, Italian film and opera legend, has offered to help make over the image of Pope Benedict XVI.

According to Zeffirelli, who was employed several times by the Vatican as a designer of major papal ceremonies during Pope John Paul II's reign, "Benedict still comes across as quite cold, which is a problem in his job. It is a problem I have discussed with key people in the Vatican. Even his wardrobe needs to be reviewed. The papal robes are too opulent and flashy."

While I doubt we'll see a Queer Eye for the Papal Guy TV show anytime soon, Zeffirelli says all he needs is the go-ahead.

"If they gave me an official supervisory role, I would dedicate myself to it full time," Zeffirelli said. "I know Ratzinger personally." Joseph Ratzinger was the German-born pope's name before he became pontiff.

O'Reilly Says He (Personally) Won the War on the "Taliban-Like Oppression" Of Christmas

While many might agree that things like firing Santa Claus over laughing "Ho, Ho, Ho," banning Christmas cards at a school, and removing holiday traditions from a school district show all show how political correctness has gone wild --- and not just in holiday matters. But this political correctness does not emanate from one part of the political spectrum.

Bill O'Reilly believes 1) that it's all an SP (Bill's abbreviation for what he calls secular-progressives) plot, and 2) that he's won "the war on Christmas" already.

On the Dec. 12th O'Reilly Factor, says there's "no joy in SP-ville" because of this. Right at the start he turns fact to fiction when he says a column by the "nutty Seattle Post-Intelligencer" says he's leading "crusaders for creches." While that quote is correct, what's wrong is that the column is actually about maintaining "the sanctity of Santa," something O'Reilly should applaud in his crusade.

O'Reilly goes on to say the "Taliban-like oppression of the holiday" has largely ceased. How he can compare the Taliban and anyone involved with anything to do with Christmas is ridiculous, and offensive, honestly.

One thing O'Reilly really should think about is that to most people --- and certainly to children --- Christmas isn't about Christianity or religion: it's about consumption and giving (and receiving gifts).

Watch the video:

"Tiggergate" Costs School District $95,000

The Napa Valley Unified School District's decision to prevent a student from attending class for wearing Tigger socks last winter is going to cost it dearly: $95,000 for lawyer's fees.

The district settled out of court rather than taking the "Tiggergate" lawsuit to trial. Under the settlement, Redwood Middle School may no longer require students to wear only solid-color clothing or limit children's choice of fabrics. It had done so for nine years before ending the policy this school year.

"Wow, I think it's, like, really great that we've got it finally settled," said Toni Kay Scott, 14, who wore the Tigger socks -- as well as a denim skirt --- on the first day of school last year. "It's pretty awesome." Scott now attends high school.

As many districts do who enforce such a dress code, the district argued the "school uniform" rule -- in effect since the mid-1990s -- was necessary to prevent gang violence.

However, as Julia Harumi Mass, staff attorney for the ACLU of Northern California, said in a news release, "California law contains strong protections for student speech and limits schools' ability to restrict students' clothing choices. It's important for school districts to know that any school uniform policy must provide an opportunity for families to opt-out and that other dress code restrictions must further the safety and health of the school environment."

It's True: Man Bites Dog --- Rabid Dog, No Less

It's an old joke: "Man Bites Dog." In this case, it really happened, and the man was likely unhappy to find out later the dog had rabies.

In Pakakkadavu, in the Kollam district of Kerala state in India, a man chased down a rabid dog who had stolen a duck from his yard, wrestled with him, and finally bit the dog so hard in the throat that the dog bled. At the same time the dog bit him on the hand.

Neighbors dragged the dog away and beat it to death. The 54-year-old man, Pappan, who uses only one name, is now being treated for rabies.

Gonzales Loses ABA's "Lawyer of the Year" Title

The people (or other lawyers) have spoken, and the American Bar Association (ABA) has listened. As I wrote earlier, the ABA named Alberto Gonzales 2007 Lawyer of the Year and Michael Mukasey 2008 Lawyer of the Year. At the time, the explanation was that Gonzales made the most news in 2007, and Mukasey was anticipated to do the same in 2008.

Apparently, and unsurprisingly, lawyers around the country objected to the "Lawyer of the Year" title, and the ABA Journal has retitled the two as "Newsmakers of the Year."

In a post on their site, the ABA said:

We appreciate the feedback we’ve received, and we’re acting on it. So that there can be no confusion, the term “Lawyers of the Year” has been changed in the headline and story to “Newsmakers of the Year.” The story is otherwise unchanged from its original version.

As I said in my previous post, Time Magazine named Hitler "Man of the Year" once, basically for the same reason (not that I'm comparing them, just the thought process of the ABA Journal).

It didn't really take them long to rethink their original decision, only a couple of days. That must have been one heck of an email / phone / letter-writing campaign by lawyers around the country.

Flatulent Cow Sculpture Winds Up a "Windy" Tourist Attraction

It's actually more faithful than "Old Faithful," since it goes "off" every day precisely at 11 AM, 12 noon, and 1 PM.

The Rowan Tree pub in the Edinburgh's historic Old Town has a cow's butt protruding from the side of it, which lifts its tail and breaks wind, using a dry ice machine to make sure it has plenty of flatulence for tourists.

According to pub owner and former Scotland rugby star Norrie Rowan, "A lot of people already use it as a landmark when they are meeting people, so it's already famous."

Edinburgh already has a regular attraction, the One O'Clock Gun, which is fired from Edinburgh Castle every day at 1 PM, but Rowan insists he's not trying to outdo the gun with his cow butt. As far as that goes, I think he might just be blowing smoke.

Scientists Aglow Over Cloned Glow-in-the-Dark Cats

South Korean scientists say they have cloned white Turkish Angora cats. But that's not all: the cats glow red under ultraviolet light. Pictured: on the left, an altered cat; on the right a normal cat.

A team led by Kong Il-keun, an animal cloning expert at Gyeongsang National University, said the cats would be used for genetic research. How does making the cats glow under ultraviolet light lead to this?

They took the cells from a donor cat and added the fluorescent gene into them before transplanting the genetically modified cells into eggs. This would mean they should be able to add genes carrying specific diseases to the cells when they clone future cats.

"Cats have similar genes to those of humans," said Il-keun. "We can make genetically modified cats that can be used to develop new cures for genetic diseases."

Don't believe it? I must admit the scandal over scientist Hwang Woo-suk and his faked results have blemished South Korea's reputation. Thus, everything that comes out of there is questioned.

Watch the video.

Playful Puppy "Toys" with Urinating Man's Member

A drunken Cambodian man discovered relieving himself through a hole in a fence could be a painful experience.

After a day drinking wine at a street mall, Kann Veasna needed to relieve himself. He chose to do so through a hole in a fence. However, the resident puppy in that yard saw the ... er, appendage, and decided it was a toy, with painfully hilarious results.

Though he managed to dislodge the puppy, Veasna was forced to 'fess up to the incident at the hospital.

Fortunately for him, the prognosis is good. "It's undoubtedly sore now, but luckily it should still be useful to him in the future,'' said a doctor. Useful. Heh.

Porn Star Auctions Off Used Breast Implants

Mary Carey, that same porn star who once campaigned for governor of California, has a gift for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation: part of the proceeds from the auction of her used breast implants.

Carey recently swapped out her 36D implants for 36DDD ones, and decided to auction the used ones on eBay to help both the cancer foundation --- and herself. 20% of the money will go to the foundation, and the remainder of the $15,269.69 amount to Carey (the auction completed late yesterday afternoon).

Personally, I'd like to know who the buyer, agent2513 is.

Not everyone was happy with the auction, as one question posed on the auction page (and Carey's answer) was:

Q: I am so glad you didn't get elected. You would have ran that state into the ground. How sick can you be?!

A: Now $15,269.69 worth of sick!

Carey said the idea came to her while under anesthesia for her new implants --- sort of a dream auction, I guess.

You'll recall that in the 2003 recall election of Gray Davis, Carey managed to get 11,174 votes -- 0.2 percent of the total.

Barbara Walters Questions Bush Over Religious Christmas Card

Barbara Walters, as a big-time celebrity, receives Christmas cards from many important people, including the White House. Thursday on The View, she showed off her booty, including the fact that the card she received from the White House was a religious Christmas card.

As Walters said,

"Usually, in the past, when I've received Christmas cards, it's been 'Happy Holidays' and so on. And this says, 'You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.' It's from Nehemiah in the Old Testament.

I don't remember and I'm sure people will remind me, getting a religious card. Now does this also go to agnostics, and atheists, and Muslims?"

So many will say, big deal, it's a Christmas card. But I can see Walters' point, particularly about all the people this card may go to. Does Bush, as president of the United States, have a responsibility to be more careful (or at least, whoever picks these cards out)?

The problem is nowadays we bend over backwards to be less about Christmas and more about Holidays, because of political correctness. I mean, if people complain on constitutional grounds over a nativity scene in front of a courthouse, one which has been in the same location for years, how will they react to this?

Readers?

Watch the video:

Bush Uses Barney Cam, Tony Blair to Stump for Park Rangers

This holiday Barney Cam video, fortunately for many, doesn't feature much face time for George W. It does have cameos by country singer Alan Jackson and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

The video, is basically a piece aimed at recruiting park rangers (though I don't really know why, considering Bush's ongoing record of environmental slight-of-hand). I mean, if you really care about the environment, Bush, let's not just look at the United States parks, but at what's going on in Bali.

Of course, I can't fault Barney or Miss Beazley, both of whom end up being named "Junior Park Rangers" in a dream sequence, and are congratulated by Tony Blair, who says, "Congratulations Barney and Miss Beazley on becoming Junior Park Rangers. Well done. As someone who was born in Edinburgh, Scotland – it’s always good to see the Scots doing well."

If anything, I feel sorry for them, having to live with George W. as their "alpha dog."

Watch the video:

Another Shock for Researchers: Given a Choice, Students Choose Easier Classes

For the past 10 years Cornell University has been publishing the median grades for classes, figuring that students would pick classes with lower median grades. Why, because an A in a class that has a median grade of B- would be more significant than perhaps, an A in a course where the median was A+.

What were they thinking?

After some analysis, it turns out that students are picking courses with higher median grades, and that those teachers are much more popular. Obvious reasoning: these classes are easier. The school is considering printing the median grade of classes on transcripts to show potential employers how easy a particular class was, but I'm not sure employers would even notice --- or think about --- that.

On the other hand, students sure thought about it.

This follows closely other shockingly obvious research such as naps are better for tired people than coffee, and teen drivers are distracted by teen passengers.

"Danger: Avoid Death" Wins Wackiest Warning Label Contest

I've said, and so have others, that the U.S. is overly litigious. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) runs the Wacky Warning Label Contest (now in its eleventh year) to show how lawsuits have "driven the proliferation of common-sense warnings on U.S. products."

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, Michigan won the $500 grand prize for the submission of "Danger: Avoid Death," a warning label on a small tractor (pictured)

Other winners:

$250 second place award: Carrianne, Jacob and Robby Turin of Greensburg, Pennsylvania for a label they found on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: "Do not iron while wearing shirt."

$100 third place award: Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Massachusetts for a label on a baby-stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns, "Do not put child in bag."

Honorable mention goes to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City, Michigan for a warning label on a letter opener that says "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."

Honorable mention goes to Ann Marie Young of Fillmore, New York for a warning she found on Vanishing Fabric Marker which says "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents."

But this contest, though humorous, is meant to show how out-of-whack our civil justice system is. Lawsuits can be filed over anything, even things that defy common sense. Hence, the near-crazy warning labels outlined above.

ABA Journal Names Gonzales 2007 Lawyer of the Year; Mukasey 2008 Lawyer of the Year

I thought this was a joke. You know, like the lawyer joke about a lawyer who falls into shark-infested waters, but who makes it back to the ship because of "professional courtesy." But it's not!

In a Wednesday press release, the American Bar Association (ABA) Journal has named Alberto Gonzales Lawyer of the Year for 2007.

This wasn't necessarily done because he did a great job. It was done because he made the most news in 2007. This is similar to when Hitler was named Time's Man of the Year.

According to the magazine’s January cover story,

The top legal story of 2007 was unquestionably the unraveling of support for the Bush administration’s expansive view of presidential power during wartime, and with it, the slow-motion destruction of Alberto Gonzales' reign as U.S. attorney general. Add to that the controversy over whether the administration fired eight U.S. attorneys for political reasons, and no single lawyer made more news in 2007 than Gonzales.

Surprisingly, it's still 2007, and the magazine has already named the top lawyer for 2008. They gave Michael Mukasey that title, figuring he's going to get a lot of press coverage in 2008. I genuinely hope the legal issues he faces in 2008 don't include another disputed presidential election.

Bill Clinton Gets Heckled by a Robot

All right, it's not a real robot, but it might as well be. Stumping for his wife in Iowa City yesterday, Bill Clinton faced a man dressed as a robot, protesting Clinton's criticism of rapper Sister Souljah 15 years ago.

"Bill Clinton, I want you to apologize to Sister Souljah," the man said. "Robots of the world want you to apologize to Sister Souljah. We want you to apologize."

The protester then hurled orange, green, hot pink and yellow cards into the air, all of which read, "Robots are mad at Bill. MR-IFOBCA stands for Mad Robots In Favor Of Bill Clinton Apologizing. Mr. Ifobca says, 'Bill Clinton should be ashamed of himself for slandering a Black woman named Sister Souljah,'" followed by a website address.

Clinton responded with aplomb, saying the man should "find more environmentally conscious ways to protest than throwing graffiti (I'm sure he meant confetti) around."

Watch the video.

Stuck Parking Brakes Forces Fleeing Felon to Keep Going ... Wha?

Police were led a merry 40-minute chase through parts of Houston by a driver who said the reason he didn't stop was "the parking brake was stuck." I'm not kidding.

Sgt. Vincent Jones said, "He claimed that his parking brake was stuck and he couldn't stop. My guess is he had a few felonies on his back and did not want to go to jail."

My guess is he doesn't know an accelerator from a parking brake.

Although the parking brake was stuck, he didn't have any trouble causing accidents, three in fact. He also didn't have trouble trying to run after the vehicle crashed. The driver, unnamed, will face charges for felony evading, unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and parole violation.

Bush Barely Misses Out on "Foot in Mouth" Award

No one can accuse George W. Bush of speaking English well. After all, his Bushisms lead to frequent hilarity. However, he lost out to Steve McLaren, former manager of the England national soccer team, for the 2007 "Foot in Mouth" Award. This award is presented annually by the Plain English Campaign for the "most baffling comment by a public figure."

The Plain English Campaign's goal:

Since 1979, we have been campaigning against gobbledygook, jargon and misleading public information. We have helped many government departments and other official organisations with their documents, reports and publications. We believe that everyone should have access to clear and concise information.

Little do they realize how much fun these nonsensical statements often are.

McLaren's winning remark:

He (Wayne Rooney) is inexperienced, but he's experienced in terms of what he's been through.

Bush's second-place entry:

All I can tell you is that when the governor calls, I answer his phone.

Bush comes up with great ones every day, so I don't know how they narrowed it down to one entry.

Last year's winner, BTW, was by Naomi Campbell:

I love England, especially the food. There's nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta.

"Death TV": All Death, Mourning, Noon, and Night

At one time a network devoted to cartoons seemed ludicrous. But how about a channel that's all about death? Nothing but obituaries, and some documentaries on cemeteries around the world.

Etos-TV is backed by the German Undertakers' Association (go figure) and is scheduled to start broadcasting early next year. For €2,000 the association of undertakers will gather picture and video material from relatives and help write text for voice-overs, which the station will then broadcast.

Belying the "Death TV" comment I made, besides the obituaries and the cemetery documentaries, the station will also broadcast shows covering issues it thinks will be of interest to its target over-50 audience: keeping mobile in later years, organ donation and coping with bereavement. Certainly isn't going to be a fun-filled set of shows, though.

The station will broadcast daily over the Astra satellite starting next month --- though only 3 hours a day. It also hopes to expand across Europe. All I can say is, just keep it away from my satellite TV company.

Fox Sports Becoming Faux Sports? Howie Long Disses Al Gore

Generally when I watch sports, I want to see --- sports. I don't really care to hear about someone's political views.

On Fox NFL Sunday’s pregame show last weekend, co-host and former NFL player, Howie Long, made a point about sports by insulting Al Gore. He said:

Mike Martz suffers from a rare form of the Al Gore syndrome, where Al still thinks he’s the president and Mike Martz still thinks he’s the head coach ...

Reminiscent of Al Michaels and his Sept. 2004 political discourse, eh? Later that season, Michaels said, after discussing Condi Rice for a while, "But we're not supposed to talk anything besides football, so, sorry."

Obviously he got a little slap on the wrist for that one. Will Howie get a similar chastening? Or is Fox Sports becoming Faux Sports, as Fox News has become Faux News?

Watch the clip:

Space Shuttle Delayed by Giant Spider Attack

A fuel sensor glitch caused the launch of the Space Shuttle Atlantis to be delayed until 2008, but to viewers of a live NASA feed it might have appeared to be a 1950s-style giant spider attack that caused the delay.

The spider was seen crawling on the live television feed to the top of the shuttle and then stopping on the image before walking off the lens.

Of course, NASA technicians knew enough to not panic, and just brought out the Raid.

Dana Perino: "What's the Cuban Missile Crisis?"

This is why I love the NPR show, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This weekend they had White House Press Secretary Dana Perino on during the Not My Job part of the show, and she admitted she didn't know what the Cuban Missile Crisis is.

Unfortunately, as she is appointed, not elected, I can't make a joke about "these are the people we elect?" I could say, "these are the people appointed by the people we elect?"

She indicated last week she was asked about the Cuban Missile Crisis in reference to President Putin's comparison of the U.S. missile defense shield program to the Cuban Missile Crisis. From the show:

"I was panicked a bit because I really know about ... nothing about ... the Cuban Missile Crisis. It had to do with Cuba and missiles, I'm pretty sure."

She admitted he had to ask her husband and he shook his head.

I have to admit she has a decent sense of humor, even about the mortgage hotline goof by Bush last week. She also admitted her husband has told her not to talk to him in her "White House voice." She wouldn't demonstrate the voice for NPR, though.

Unfortunately, she didn't win for her contestant.

You can here the whole segment here; click on Not My Job.

"If Cheney Were Anyone Else, He'd Probably Be Dead by Now"

An effective, and to the point full-page ad appeared in 10 Iowa papers Monday. The ad (.PDF), while advocating HR 676, the National Health Insurance Act, also points out an inconvenient truth: if Dick Cheney didn't have the government-financed health care he, Bush, and members of Congress enjoy, he'd most likely be dead by now.

(I will make a slight correction to the ad: Cheney is rich, so he could probably afford health care. If Cheney were a middle-class American, on the other hand ...)

Take a look at his history as described in the PDF: four heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasty, an implanted defibrillator and an emergency procedure to treat an irregular heartbeat. Does anyone seriously believe a private insurer would have not either slammed him with impossible to pay rates, or dropped him altogether? Even in a system like Massachusetts', where insurance is mandated, most likely the rates would be impossible.

Let's not forget the United States is the only industrialized nation that does not have some form of universal health care, and that because of that we are near the bottom in terms of infant mortality (see link above).

Why should our government have free health care while the people they represent do not? Health care is not just for the rich, as most other nations know. Of course, health care giants and pharmaceutical companies don't want anything to change.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said,

Of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane.

Do any of us deserve less than Cheney?

Baby "Carbon Tax" Needed to Save Planet: Expert

Well, this will go over like a lead balloon --- and it already has, based on some responses. Professor Barry Walters at the King Edward Memorial Hospital in Perth suggests in today's Medical Journal of Australia that parents with more than two children should be levied a) a lump sum $5,000 AUD tax at birth, and b) an $800 AUD tax every year thereafter.

The proposal was made in a letter to the publication criticizing the Australian government's $4,000 AUD "baby bonus," which they are using to try to increase population in their sparsely populated country. He also suggested that contraceptives and sterilization could be eligible for carbon credits.

This is definitely un-P.C. and has already gotten strong responses. For example, Australian Family Association spokeswoman Angela Conway said "I think self-important professors with silly ideas should have to pay carbon tax for all the hot air they create. There's masses of evidence to say that child-rich families have much lower resource consumption per head than other styles of households."

Very good, but the key words there are "per head." Estimates are an increase in world population from 6.5 billion currently to over 9 billion in 2050. Percentage-wise, that's about a 40% increase. The world is already having problems keeping up with supplies food, water, and oil --- what will happen by 2050?

Now, I'm not advocating anything either way. Something like this would only happen in a dictatorial society like China, where they already have a one-child policy. A recent article in the Daily Mail, however, focused on women who are being sterilized because they feel babies are non-eco-friendly.

So, I'd like to hear from you readers. What do you think?

Aerobics Meets "a Bad Case of Diarrhea"

At first glance, this video looks like it's one of a video teaching English to Japanese people. The Japanese woman says she needs an ambulance because her stomach hurts and she has "a bad case of diarrhea."

It then turns into a hilarious aerobics session with the three participants chanting "I have a bad case of diarrhea." It's just one of those typical crazy Japanese videos that makes one wonder why they say Californians are nuts.

Watch and laugh.

Man Tricks Boy Into Shooting Grandmother; Said It Was Toy Gun

This guy's in the running for biggest jerk in the world ... and that's just to avoid using curse words in my post. In India's northern state of Uttar Pradesh, a man tricked his grandson into shooting his grandmother by telling him it was a toy gun.

After the man, Dhaniram (note: he uses only one name), handed the six-year-old the gun, the boy took aim and shot her in the chest. The woman died of her wounds.

According to police, "The old man wanted to get rid of his 70-year-old wife because she would pester him on domestic issues and he felt stifled with her presence. He then used his innocent grandson to do away with his wife and the little boy walked into the trap and fired the shot."

The boy gave the police the details during questioning and they arrested the grandfather.

What gets me is why the man thought he could get away with it. It seems like he must have thought out the idea, but it definitely wasn't on the shrewd side.

Mayor Tells Police Officer to Not Arrest Drunk Drivers or Issue Traffic Citations

Basically Salisbury, Missouri Mayor Joseph Fehling is telling the police to spend all day in donut shops. The mayor allegedly told police officer Bill Wright to stop writing minor traffic violations up, and to stop arresting drunk drivers, due to complaints by citizens who did "not like being stopped by the police."

The details, according to Wright, are that Fehling met with him, telling him the meeting was due to ongoing complaints he received from citizens whom Wright had stopped. According to Wright, Fehling clearly stated the complaints were not due to his conduct or procedures, but simply because citizens do not like being stopped by the police.

Well, if you don't like being stopped by the police, don't commit an infraction.

Next, and even stranger, Fehling told Wright he should allow drunken drivers to drive within the city as long as they were on secondary roads and not leaving town on the highways. The danger on the streets was minimal because of slower driving speeds.

Uh, huh. Did Fehling ever think that drunk drivers are often habitual and maybe they won't be on secondary roads all the time. As Wright said, "Unbelievable that anybody would say something like that, that it is okay to put people's lives in danger."

Wright said the first thing he did was write a letter to the city council, which probably wasn't a good idea. More on that later.

While other police officers in the city are angry as well, the mayor continues to say that police policy has not changed. Meanwhile, citizens are upset as well.

One family, who lost a daughter to a drunk driver, spoke up at a recent city council meeting.

"I would just like the truth from you sir - face to face - on that matter. If you know what I'm talking about," said Bruce Strodtman, whose daughter Heidi was killed by a drunk driver.

The mayor replied, "Well, there have been no policy changes in the city."

Meanwhile, writing to the city council has proved Wright's downfall, as he was laid off due to "budgetary reasons." Strangely, according to Wright, "They had just budgeted for all of the police officers that were currently employed by the city until July of 2008. We were speaking of getting a brand new patrol car."

Could it simply be that Wright pulled over a rich or powerful crony of Fehling's, perhaps more than once? Sounds like the cronyism you would expect from Washington, D.C. politics, not a small community.

Looks like the city's sign (above) is "speaking" to drunk drivers, at least.

Bill O'Reilly: Pro-Constitution Ad Is "Anti-American"

You may recall that Fox News refused to the Center for Constitutional Rights ad called "Rescue the Constitution," which criticizes the Bush administration for "destroying the Constitution."

In the ad, actor Danny Glover states, “Trials. Renditions. Torture. The Bush administration is destroying the Constitution. They can be stopped. Rescue the Constitution.”

According to the CCR, Fox News gave the following reason:

We cannot approve the spot with it being Danny Glover’s opinion that the Bush Administration is destroying the Constitution. If you have documentation that it is indeed being destroyed, we can look at that.

Eh?

Yesterday, while discussing NBC’s original refusal (they since flip-flopped) to run an ad from Freedom’s Watch, a conservative group that supports administration policy in Iraq, Bill O’Reilly explained why Fox News turns down ads.

Yeah, but I understand why. Fox News turns down blatantly anti-American ads. We just turned one down recently. I understand that.

I'm not sure how defending the Constitution is anti-American. And a majority of Americans believe Cheney and Bush abused their powers. Of course, Fox is Faux, the favorite new station for Bush and his supporters.

Watch O'Reilly:


Watch the CCR ad:

A Very Silent Night, for All But Dogs

Most people know that dogs can hear frequencies too high for humans to hear. But that doesn't mean something in those frequencies can't be music to their ears.

The New Zealand SPCA has released a CD single called A Very Silent Night, recorded at frequencies dogs can hear, but not us. Not only that, they released a music video featuring NZ rapper Dei Hamo, as well.

Unfortunately for us in the U.S., it appears the only retailer selling these CDs is The Warehouse, which advertises itself as New Zealand's "leading music retailer." Cost: $4.99.

I'll say I played the music video on my PC, and didn't get a reaction from my dogs. They just continued to sack out on the couch. However, they didn't put their paws over their ears or start howling either. For them, that's probably the best review this video could expect.

Watch, but don't expect to listen, to the video.

MP3 Player Recording Proves Cop's Undoing

Boy, you have to check suspects for MP3 players now, not just weapons.

NYPD Detective Christopher Perino could lose his job because of an MP3 player's recording capability. Unfortunately for Perino, his suspect didn't have an iPod, which doesn't include recording as a standard feature --- and even more unluckily for Perino, it had coincidentally been given to the suspect days before as a Christmas present.

Perino, 42 and a 19-year NYPD vet, was indicted Dec. 6 for perjuring himself at the trial of a Bronx man charged with attempted murder. At the April trial, Perino insisted he did not try to pressure the prime suspect into signing a confession.

He also said he did not try to discourage the suspect, Erik Crespo, then 17, from talking with an attorney --- and also that he didn't try to convince Crespo that he didn't need an attorney.

What Perino didn't know is that Crespo turned on the recorder on his MP3 player during his interview. Oops. The recording disproved everything Perino said.

Because of the recording, Crespo received a plea deal, and he is now serving seven years on gun charges.

Now while Crespo apparently isn't a saint, I've seen those CourtTV shows where they outline how pressure, over hours, "Good Cop, Bad Cop" tactics --- and more --- convinced young suspects to confess when, in fact, they were innocent. I hope this cop gets the book thrown at him.

Hold the Condoms, Please; Man Sues Claiming Unwrapped Condom in Burger

Remember the Wendy's Finger-in-Chili incident? Turned out to be a complete scam. That's why most will look on this story with doubt.

Van Miguel Hartless, 24, said Friday he bought the Southwestern Whopper at a Burger King in Rutland, Vermont on June 18 and made the discovery when he got home and started eating it.

"My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste," he said. "It was a very sour, bitter sort of taste. It almost had a numbing sensation. As I went to bite down a little harder, I felt a rubber grind in between my teeth. I saw it half in my mouth, half hanging out. It was an immediate sick-to-my-stomach type of thing."

Hartless said he has suffered from vomiting, nightmares and emotional distress. He said he also has incurred medical expenses, because he's worried about whether the condom had been used.

His lawsuit was filed on Nov. 16th. Since Burger Kings are franchised, he sued Carrols Corp., a company in Syracuse, N.Y., which owns the particular unit. The suit seeks damages for pain and suffering (natch), emotional distress (natch) and medical expenses.

Now, as I said, most (including me) will look on this with doubt, but there's no doubt in my mind that if it were true and me, I'd be vomiting and distressed, too.

Icelandic Teen Creates Security Scare by Calling Bush's Private Line

MSNBC reported that an Icelandic teen set off a security scare of huge proportions when he somehow managed to connect with George W. Bush's private line.

It wasn't a mistake produced by dialing a random set of digits as the teen left a message saying he was the president of Iceland and wanted Bush to call him back. Of course, something like this is going to produce a response, and the boy received a visit from the police (who had been tipped byt the Secret Service, natch).

He refused to say how he got the number. Perhaps he deciphered the number using a dialtone decoder, when Jenna Bush called her parents during a recent taping of Ellen.

He should watch it; he could have ended up being on the wrong end of a rendition.

On the other hand, he could probably auction the number on eBay for a tidy sum.

Bill O'Reilly: "If You Read the Far-Left Websites, You're a Devil Worshipper"

So, he's saying that these sites are run by Satan, and that they (all, apparently) say they "are glad Tony Snow has cancer."

Huh? Who said that? For example, at BlatherWatch, a simple post about Tony Snow's cancer (just the facts) and the first commenter accuses the writer of being happy about it (but there's nothing, as the second commenter says, in the post about that).

Look, I don't like Tony Snow either, and can't understand how he can make the statements he does and still live with himself, but I don't wish him ill.

Let me just say that it seems like the far right likes to make things up (for example, smearing Graeme Frost over SCHIP).

O'Reilly goes on to say "Satan is running the DailyKos."

Sheesh.

Watch the video.

Chinese Crematorium Dumps Half-Burnt Bodies

Think we have it bad with fuel prices? Check this out. At least there's no lead paint involved, and last time I checked there wasn't any way a Chinese crematorium could affect American consumers.

Fuel prices are up worldwide, and in China, crematoriums have tried to cut costs by dumping half-burnt corpses. One could say something smells rotten in China, and that's what happened. Villagers in Hengyang county, in the southern province of Hunan, were alerted to the practice by the smell.

China was hit by its worst fuel supply crisis in four years from October to November. A widening gap between state-regulated domestic prices and market-driven international prices forced Chinese refiners to cut output.

What's interesting is that China has been promoting cremation as a way to save natural resources for quite some time.

Convenient. Bush: "I Don't Remember Being Made Aware of the CIA Tapes"

It's always so convenient when people "forget things" or "don't recollect." In today's White House press briefing, Dana Perino was asked about Bush's knowledge of the CIA interrogation tapes, which we just heard yesterday contained footage of the "harsh interrogation" of two al-Qaida operatives in 2005.

According to Perino,

I asked the President about whether he knew about the tapes and their existence or their destruction; he said he had no recollection of that. He did not remember being made aware of those prior to yesterday morning. And as I said in previous times before, I'm not going to characterize his reaction.

It's interesting how out-of-touch our President is with what's going on; as you'll recall he said, after hearing of the NIE's report on Iran earlier in the week, that

I was made aware of the NIE last week. In August, I think it was John — Mike McConnell came in and said, We have some new information. He didn’t tell me what the information was. He did tell me it was going to take a while to analyze.

Not that he's going to do anything with the knowledge, but maybe you guys should let your boss know sooner from now on.

Store Discovers, For Some Reason, Chanukah Hams Don't Sell Too Well

I doubt they're going to sell very many of these Chanukah hams. Balducci's, a gourmet grocery store in New York's Greenwich Village, needs a little lesson in some of the prohibited foods in the Jewish diet.

The picture says it all. A manager at the store said that the sign was a mistake and blamed it on a stock clerk.

Right, blame it on the help. You would think management would have noticed, right?

Website Selling "My Name is Muhammad" Teddy Bears

You'll recall the story of Gillian Gibbons, who was tried for inciting religious hatred, convicted, sentenced to 15 days prison time and deportation, and eventually pardoned (after protesters called for her execution, BTW) after naming a teddy bear Muhammed in a class exercise in Sudan.

An Arizona man has decided to support the right to Name Bears (as opposed to Bear Arms) with the site TeddyBearMuhammad.com (at the same time capitalizing on a recent event and making some cash in the process).

Bears are $9.95 (50% off for the holidays), and there is a bulk ordering discount for more than 5 bears. According to the site, $1 of every bear purchased goes to the USO to support U.S. troops. Of course, I also noticed, besides the shipping fee, a handling fee of $1.99. I always find handling fees to really be just another way to make more profit. So that $1 donation is made up (if it's just one bear) by the handling fee.

The site says clothes and accessories are coming soon. In a way though, it's really taking advantage of someone's poor fortune (Gibbons'). Too bad she can't share in this.

Don't get me wrong, though, I find this clever and amusing, if also capitalizing on something. According to a press release on the site, Mark Bold (Site Owner) said,

"There isn’t much more that brings a smile to a child than a teddy bear, and if a child, teacher, or anyone wants one with the name Muhammad, they can now have one."

Typical: Bush Gives Out Wrong Number Again --- This Time for Mortgage Crisis Hotline

Today Bush unveiled his plan to help out subprime borrowers, by freezing interest rates on subprime mortgages that are scheduled to rise in the coming months.

In order to get help, homeowners were instructed to call the "Hope Now Hotline," at 800-995-HOPE.

As Bush said:

"And I have a message for every homeowner worried about rising mortgage payments: The best you can do for your family is to call 1-800-995-HOPE. That is 1-800-995-H-O-P-E.".

In another example of how efficient our government is at helping those in need, those who called that number reached a busy signal. And it wasn't because the line was overloaded. It was because the number was wrong. It should have been 1-888-995-HOPE.

Typical, as Bush gets numbers wrong quite frequently, like how many WMDs Iraq had, etc. etc.

OK, OK, I know it was an honest (honest, Bush?) mistake, but let me pick on him, will ya?

Santa Gets Fired for Laughing

It looks like Australia was serious when it said it didn't want its Santas saying "Ho, ho, ho," the traditional Santa laugh. I wrote about that earlier in mid-November, when protesters targeted Westaff, a company that supplies hundreds of Santas in Sydney, for wanting its Santas to use the phrase "Ha, ha, ha" instead.

Westaff wanted the change made because it felt that the "Ho, ho, ho" phrase could frighten children and could even be derogatory to women (right!).

70-year-old John Oakes said he was fired on Monday for saying "Ho, ho ho" and for singing the Christmas song Jingle Bells (for Jingle Bells?). Oakes has been a Santa for 3 years running.

A Westaff spokesman told an Australian paper that Oakes had been dismissed because of his attitude, and not for Ho, ho, ho-ing.

Well, if you won't even let him laugh, what do you expect Santa's attitude to be like?

How the Grinch (Cop) Stole Christmas

It's now a tradition in Florida. A police officer dresses up as Dr. Seuss' The Grinch, in a holiday crackdown on Central Florida traffic violators.

Last year The Grinch, I mean, the officer was responsible for ticketing 200 drivers in just a few hours.

This year, The Grinch teamed with other Orange County Sheriff's Department deputies put a stop to the frequent red light runners at Orange Blossom Trail and Holden Road in Orlando, Florida.

"We're not doing this to take away from people's Christmas. The reality is, in Central Florida, there is a large number of traffic fatalities and people injured, especially during the holiday," said Marc Robinson, the deputy who dressed as The Grinch.

Apparently, in the spirit (?) of the holidays, there will be more holiday-themed, er, ticket events throughout the season, with either The Grinch or an elf doing traffic duty.

BTW, in 2 1/2 hours, they handed out 60 tickets and arrested 3 drivers with suspended licenses.

Police Chase Down Perp in Krispy Kreme Donut Truck

Police, seeing an opportunity for a 10-7 with some free donuts, chased down a perp in a stolen Krispy Kreme donut truck in Madison, Wisconsin.

Seriously, Warren Whitelighting led police on a merry chase, and if you look carefully you can see the donuts flying out the back of the truck.

The list of chargers against Whitelightning is pretty large. He is being charged with shoplifting eight giant red hot pickled sausages from the Open Pantry on University Avenue, stealing the donut truck, ramming a University of Wisconsin Police car, attempting to elude pursing officers, operating after revocation, drunk driving (fourth time), and a hit-and-run.

You can even see the truck back up and ram the police car once (which is the hit-and-run). Now, although we know the police caught Whitelightning, it's interesting that the footage ran out with them still chasing him. At first I was wondering if they gave up because they figured out the donut truck was now empty.

Watch the video:

Officer Wang Arrests Perp for Flashing

Sometimes it's just too easy. No, I didn't doctor the subject; that's the crime and that's the arresting officer.

In Athens, Georgia, Garrett Lawson Lotane, 21, was arrested for public indecency at a Target store last Saturday. According to the victim, said a man exposed his genitals to her at the store at 7:30 p.m. Saturday night, and she identified Lotane as the perp.

On his way to Athens-Clarke County Jail, Lotane said he committed "lewd acts because (he) felt a rush of adrenaline." This comment was recorded by Officer S. Wang and placed in the report. Heh-heh.

Need a Good Holiday Gift? "Reserve a Spot in Heaven" for a Friend!

Afraid you won't make it into Heaven? Now you can buy your way in (although I'm sure some have tried this already). This website, ReserveASpotinHeaven.com, says it will guarantee you a spot in Heaven, or your money back.

I'm assuming not that many have noticed this site as there's no news of a lawsuit yet (knowing our country).

So, what are the details? There are two different "packages." One is the "Essentials Travel Kit," $12.79. This includes:

• Heavenly issued certificate of reservation with a unique I.D. number registered in the Book of Light™
• A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
• The Official Heaven Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.
• Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.

The upgraded "All Access Travel Kit," $24.95, includes the above plus:

• All access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey, where all the elite get together and kick it.
• Framing. Your ticket to Heaven and certificate of reservation will be nicely framed in an elegant casing.

As the site says, "spots are filling very quickly" in Heaven, so (according to them) you should sign up soon. And don't forget that 100% guarantee (though I'm not sure what good a refund will do you "down there").

Even better, you can give a Spot in Heaven for a friend or loved one, or even Spot (your pet, right?). They even have group rates and a monthly drawing for a free Spot as well.

Obviously (I hope!) a gag gift, but still, a serious business. I found this thread on PayPal's website where the site owner was asking for some help.

On the other hand, I can think of a few politicians in the current administration who might need help getting "up there," so if you're in the mood you might consider this as a gift. They may need more than one to make it, based on past deeds, though.

Hefty Hooker Robs Strangely Reluctant Customer

A 300-pound prostitute robbed a man of $100 before pedaling away on his blue bicycle, according to a police report.

The hefty hooker approached the bicycle-riding "potential customer" in Fort Pierce, Florida. Although she asked him if he wanted "a date," for some reason he wasn't interested.

However, according to the victim, he felt sorry for her, pulled $10 from his wallet for her, whereupon she pushed him off his bicycle and wrestled him down (or sat on him, your guess). She grabbed his wallet, stole $100 and then pedaled off on his blue bicycle.

The man was uninjured, but he described her as weighing 300 pounds, wearing blue jeans and a white T-shirt.

The police searched but for some reason coulding find a 300-pound, blue jean and T-shirt wearing woman on a blue bicycle. Go figure.

"Passed Gas" Leads to Gunshots

Teasing over flatulence: something you might see in a schoolyard. Retaliating with an assault rifle: not something you might see in a schoolyard (though nowadays, who knows).

In Chemung County, New York, William Hoover, 32, was arrested after farting. Actually, he passed gas, and his friends who were with him at Wheeler's Beverage Store wouldn't stop teasing. Acting like the adult he is, he ran to his car, pulled out a semi-automatic assault rifle, and started shooting.

No one was hurt; Hoover is currently is currently in jail. He was reportedly drinking that night but it's unclear if he was drunk at the time (take a guess, though).

The victims have not been identified due to fear of retaliation ... I guess from Farter's Anonymous or something?

Study States the Obvious: Teenage Drivers are Distracted by Teenage Passengers

This is so similar in terms of obviousness to my prior post about napping being the best cure for being tired. Like, duh!

In a UC Davis study, more than a third of teenage drivers admitted to being distracted while driving with teenage passengers. The reasons ranged from passengers "fooling around," "being stupid," "wrestling,' or "dancing." Dancing?

The study surveyed 2,144 seniors from 13 high schools around California in the spring and fall of 2006.

This just confirms what California legislators already knew. In 2006 a law took effect that prohibits teenage drivers from "transporting passengers under 20 years of age, at any time for the first twelve months."

What was really surprising, and perhaps a possible boon for CHP officers needing to pad their ticket totals, is that, according to study co-chair Katherine Heck:

"Many parents seem to be unaware of the graduated driver licensing restrictions that require teens not to drive with their peers in the first 12 months after getting their license. Only a quarter of teens in our survey who had been driving less than a year told us their parents don't allow them to drive with friends in the car."

I see some tickets just waiting to be written.

Paramedic Who Reported Noose Inside Fire Station Put It There Himself

I guess someone wanted some attention. A Baltimore, Maryland paramedic, Gary Maynard, reported finding a after noose and a letter after returning to his firehouse on November 21st. The note said, "we can't hang the cheaters but we can hang the failures." However, it turns out he planted them himself.

Maynard confessed to police investigators, and according to Fire Chief William Goodwin, Maynard's scheme was "meant to create the perception that members within our department were acting in a discriminatory and unprofessional manner."

The note was believed to refer to a cheating scandal involving black firefighters. Maynard, who is black, has not been charged with any crime --- yet. On the other hand, he was a paramedic apprentice, so he might get dismissed, and that might be the end of it.

Typewriter Causes Street Closure as "No One Knows What They Look Like Any Longer"

In Sarasota, Florida on Monday, a suspicious package that forced the closure of several blocks and a city parking facility on Monday morning turned out to be an old-style typewriter. Naturally since no one had seen one in their lifetime, they had no idea what it was.

Seriously, though, it looked like a briefcase and it was found inside a locked cage under a first-floor stairwell landing in a county parking facility on Ringling Boulevard. Since only county officials have keys to that particular cage, it was doubly suspicious.

The bomb squad was called and the package detonated, at which time they discovered it was a typewriter. The investigation continues, since the reason that the typewriter was in the cage is still unknown.

Too bad, it may have been one of the last of its kind ...

Naps Better Than Coffee for Sleep-Deprived People

In what probably should be called "obvious," a study has determined that sleep is better than coffee, at least for younger people.

Dr. Patricia Sagaspe of the Clinique du Summeil in France studied 12 people between 20 and 25 years old and 12 people between 40 and 50.

The test involved driving 125 during the evening as a baseline, then driving the same distance between 2 - 3:30 AM. Participants would drive after having either a cup of coffee, a placebo cup of decaf coffee or a 30-minute nap.

Those who received the placebo had a difficult time driving, while those with coffee or a nap did better ... though "better" was not quantified. Also, the younger participants fared better with a nap, perhaps because, according to researchers, they slept sounder.

I noticed BTW, that Sagaspe ran the same study in 2006, but only with younger people averaging 21 years of age. Guess she wanted to know how us old fogeys would do.

Results of this study will appear in the Dec. issue of the journal Sleep.

Other past studies conducted by Sagaspe have shown that hungry people do better when given food, and thirsty people better when given water.

Sudan Pardons "Teddy Bear Teacher"

You'll recall that Gillian Gibbons, a teacher who committed what was probably an honest mistake, naming a teddy bear used in a class exercise Muhammed (based on the students' votes, BTW!), was convicted of inciting religious hatred. Her sentence was 15 days in prison and deportation.

Even worse, after the initial sentence, Sudanese protesters called for her execution! Definitely a case of overkill (no pun intended).

Apparently there exists some sanity in the government (or at the very least, the U.K. managed to push hard enough), as she was pardoned today by Sudanese President Omar al-Beshir.

Now why go through the trial if you were just going to end up doing this anyway? I mean, what a waste of money and effort. We in the U.S. would never do ... oh wait ... (yes, yes, I know, just a commutation; give me a break).

At any rate, Gibbons has been released and will soon be leaving the country. Might I say this whole "event" has certainly cast a poor light on Islam (again) and no doubt will make any other prospective teachers think twice about teaching in Sudan.

Larry Craig: "I'm Still Not Gay"

Despite five men coming forward and saying that they either had sexual encounters with Sen. Larry Craig or that he made advances on them, he continues to assert his innocence. Four of the five men were named in this Idaho Stateman story. The fifth is afraid of retaliation and so remains anonymous.

The four who were named were David Phillips, Mike Jones (yes, the Mike Jones from the Ted Haggard scandal --- he gets around), Greg Ruth, and Tom Russell.

Briefly, the details.

David Phillips is a 42-year-old information technology consultant in Washington, D.C. In 1986 Craig picked him up at a gay club and they subsequently had sex.

Mike Jones, you know about, a former male prostitute. He says Craig paid him for sex in late 2004 or early 2005.

Greg Ruth says he was hit on by Craig at a Republican meeting in Coeur d'Alene in 1981.

Tom Russell said his encounter with Craig occurred at Bogus Basin in the early 1980s.

The anonymous fifth gay man said he was in a men's restroom at Denver International Airport in September 2006 when the man in the next stall gave him the signals Craig has been accused of. He later identified the man in the adjoining stall as Craig.

The Stateman story has details, and if you're interested, audio interviews with the accusers.

Despite this, Craig released a statement on Sunday decrying the accusations. He said:

“It is unfortunate that the Idaho Statesman has chosen to continue to lower itself to the standards of what can best be described as tabloid journalism. Like its previous coverage, these latest allegations are completely false and have no basis in reality. In fact, the paper itself states that these baseless accusations contain no definitive evidence yet they still decided to print them anyway. However, despite the fact the Idaho Statesman has decided to pursue its own agenda and print these falsehoods without any facts to back them up, I won’t let this paper’s attempt to malign my name stop me from continuing my work to serve the people of Idaho.”

Uh, huh. Although the paper basically said they had no forensic evidence, such as emails, letters or videos, it's still five testimonials.

BTW, if you want to hear Craig assert his innocence himself, you can get the Talking Senator Larry Craig Action Figure for a mere $34.99. It talks, and it'll give you part of his original press conference.

"Thank you all very much for coming out today. I will read a statement: 'I am not gay. I never have been gay."

Man's Life Saved by Wedding Ring

For most men, their lives are saved every day, in that their wives would kill them if they didn't wear their wedding ring. Donnie Register had his life saved in the literal sense.

Two men walked into Register's shop at The Antique Market in Jackson, Mississippi on Saturday and asked to see a coin collection. When he retrieved it, one of the men pulled a gun and demanded money.

The suspects, still at large, got away with a large sum of money, but Register got away with his life. A shot was fired, and he reflexively through up his hand. His wedding ring deflected the bullet.

"The bullet managed to go through two of his fingers without severing the bone. A part of the bullet broke off and is in his middle finger. The other part is in his neck, lodged in the muscle tissue. But it's not life-threatening," Darlene Register said.

Lucky. In wonder if he will repair the ring, or get a new one, and save the other as a lucky charm.

Redskins Honor Sean Taylor with "Missing Man Formation"

The Washinton Redskins honored safety Sean Taylor, 24, who died on Tuesday from gunshot wounds, with a moving pre-game ceremony. The ceremony included a video montage of clips of his high school and college days, and an interview with him. There was also footage of Taylor with his young daughter.

The postscript to the video said, "WE WILL MISS YOU SEAN."

But that wasn't all.

When the Buffalo Bills offense took the field for the first time midway through the first quarter, the Redskins defense lined up with only 10 men on the field, similar to the "missing man formation" often used in flyovers. Taylor's open spot on the field was obvious.

The Bills gained 22 yards on the short-handed play, but it was a fitting tribute.

Men's Lives Extended by Breast Ogling --- Uh, No, Darn It

Interesting when the Science Editor (that's his title) of a pretty decent site like Softpedia gets hooked into a story that's obviously false. Or did he? I guess I wonder when this happens if they just post it to get traffic, or what?

The story at Softpedia was that staring at a picture of a woman's breasts for 10 minutes a day would extend the lifespan of a man for five years. According to the article, the study's author was Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

And, according to the article, "for five years, the boob oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease."

Riiight. I wonder where this editor got this story, actually. Let's look at the telltale signs of a fake story.

First, the study was published in New England Journal of Medicine and Weekly World News. OK, the New England Journal of Medicine, sure, but Weekly World News? Dead giveaway number one.

Dead giveaway two: searching for this story will find older versions of it, nearly word for word, posted years ago.

And finally, the old familiar Snopes debunking. According to Snopes the story first showed up in 1999, but the Softpedia story showed up on Nov. 30.

So, unfortunately guys, this isn't true, despite what could be called "wishful thinking."

Not to blame Softpedia alone, as Fark picked up on this as well, but I can see that, because the stories are user-submitted and it would be sure to drive traffic. Plenty of bloggers posted this as well, maybe for the same "traffic" reason.

But if that's not the reason, hey guys, you oughta do some research before posting, as your facts are SNAFU-ed.

Britain's Drivers to Face 0.00 BAC Limit?

No one, certainly not the site offering this prize, would say DWI is a good idea. But what about a BAC limit of zero?

Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick said, “It’s difficult to assess whether you are over the limit because people’s metabolisms are different and it depends on many different factors." Because of this, Britain is planning to discuss a zero-tolerance policy in the New Year.

News of this comes as the annual THINK! anti-DWI campaign begins for the holidays.

A survey by insurance company Direct Link showed that 40% of motorists support a complete drinking ban, but it also showed this is partly because they do not understand the legal limit. A third of people admitted they did not know how much alcohol affects their BAC.

Now, understand they're not talking about Prohibition. They're talking about no drinking when drinking, not banning alcohol completely. Still, it's unlikely, that something like this would pass, though IMHO, it would be a useful law.

Other stats from the survey: 45% admitted they had driving after having had some alcohol and 4% said they did this frequently. Meanwhile nearly one quarter of those who admitted drinking and driving said they did so because of peer pressure.

Homemade Polonium Detector for Litvinenko Wannabes

Want to become a spy but worried about ending up like Alexander Litvinenko? Well, some well-meaning gadgeteers have come up with a relatively simple portable polonium "pen" (though it reminds me more of a cigar).

Necessary parts: two darlington transistors, an LED, and one or two resistors along with a battery, power switch and tiny homemade ion chamber. Complete instructions are here.

All you need do is hold the device over the drink, and if it's spiked with polonium, the LED will light up, at which time you should probably opt to become a teetotaler for a while.

Lesson: When Using a Printer to Counterfeit, Remove All Money Before Returning

For some time, as color printers have become better and better, authorities have been concerned about criminals using them to produce counterfeit bills. Of course, that's why they keep changing our paper money. So, it's already unlikely you are going to be able to print money and get away with it. Especially, however, if you print it and forget to remove it from the printer when returning the printer.

In Richmond Country, Georgia, police arrested Michael Jerome Chatman, 35, after he tried to return a printer to an Augusta, Georgia Target store. I guess these thieves were so cheap they didn't want to even pay for the printer (tip: if really want to be able to buy something and return it, no questions asked, no hassle: consider Amazon.com).

As is normal practice, a clerk examined the printer while it was being returned, and noticed a piece of paper inside the printer with copies of a $20 and $10 bill on it. Chatman grabbed the printer and ran, but was arrested outside the store.

Even more damning evidence was a $20 bill in his wallet that matched the $20 on the printout.

His accomplices, Diamond Tiara Green, 30, and Kotto Yaphet Green, 24, were arrested later.

Police didn't hide their disdain for the trio, as Investigator Anita Hopson said "People get wrapped up in the crime, and they forget things. In this situation it was just stupidity."

Amazon.com: Now for Your Household Uranium Needs

It's hard to describe this without breaking into laughter. And it's not just because Amazon.com is selling U-238. Oh no, that's just the start of it.

This product is uranium ore. Yep, that's what it is. No, I'm not kidding. The product is described thusly:

Radioactive sample of uranium ore. Useful for testing Geiger Counters. License exempt. Uranium ore sample sizes vary. Shipped in labeled metal container as shown. Shipping Information: We are always in compliance with Section 13 from part 40 of the NRC Nuclear Regulatory Commission rules and regulations and Postal Service regulations specified in 49 CFR 173.421 for activity limits of low level radioactive materials.

Even more hilarious is the section of the page that lists "Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought:" ... take a look at the image (click to enlarge). It needs no description.

Yep, I always associate those items with uranium ore.

And that's not all. It's a highly rated product, with 4 out of 5 stars and 26 reviews, including:

• I have to admit, I've tried many different power sources for my orbiting satellite death beam, and nothing does it like good old U-238.

• This is the best strawberry jam I've ever tasted. It works well with toast AND English muffins.

• My son wanted Play Doh for his birthday but unfortunately Toys 'R' Us was sold out of it. I figured this would be the next best thing.
  

The following, however, were rather negative, so take care when ordering this product:

• I bought a can of this about 4.5 billion years ago, give or take a few million years, but when I went to use it today I noticed only half of it was still in the can. I swear I put the lid on tight. I'd give it more stars if it came in a better package.

• This product was not properly labeled as unsafe for children!

• Is too expensive and too small for building even small nuclear device much less power global death beam.

Unfortunately the product is not eligible for Amazon Prime or for with free shipping over $25.